My dad has been fighting this since october 2006. It has been quite a struggle but not in vain. No regrets. We took every opportunity to make him better and would continue the fight except that he is too weak. Remember that you can easily expend your resources when it comes to chemo and radiation. My dad couldn't take anymore even if he were up to it. The Chemo used for MOST stomach cancers is basically identical to the treatment used for breast cancer patients and it is intense.
Ask her about the reglan. It dissolves under the tongue and is very effective for treating nausea. There's no swallowing so she doesn't have to be intimidated by thinking it will make her sick.
Tell me more about her J tube. What kind of food is she using? There is a high calorie formula that my dad was on. It worked ok to control the weight loss. Maybe try half the reccommended amount and always do it at night and with her head elevated. You can also ask her docs about a pain med that will help her sleep at night. Maybe oxycontin or oxycodone. They come in a liquid form and maybe if she takes it an hour or two before starting the tube she will just sleep right through the feeding and won't notice that it makes her feel sick. She can just pour the medicine into the tube, flush it through, then start the feeding? I will reccomend though, if she's not actually throwing up or having uncontrolable bathroom issues, she shouls pretty much grin and bear the tube feedings. She will eventually HAVE to do something in order to start chemo. The chemo is a given in an angressive cancer like hers.
It sounds to me like you would really benefit from a visit to see your mom. You would probably feel a lot better once you saw her for yourself and she might like to visit with her grandbabies! Might do her spirits some good. Moday is a holiday!!!!!!!
Keep your head up.