My mom just passed away on Feb. 25, 2008 from had just turned 72 on October 31. I am back at work, which kind of helps me because I keep busy, but once I get home I feel so sad, upset, all these mixed feelings. Even though I have an 8 year old daughter and my father leaves right next door (I've always lived next to my parents, never left their side) to me I feel that part of my group is missing. I guess because it was always the 4 of us, my mom took care of my daughter since my daughter was born because I had to go to work, so I always thought of the four of us like a little group. Even though my mom had 6 of us (4 girls, 2 boys) but some leave in other estates etc. It feels like it's getting harder rather than easier as the days go by, or maybe it was because we had to make all the funeral arragements and stuff and we were so busy that I didn't really stop to think much, but now I find myself crying all the time, and when I wake up the first thing I think about it's my mom. She was always there for me, since I am a single mom, and I was with her for 45 years never left her or my dad......I can't seem to find a way to feel at lealst ok, everything reminds me of her, street, shops, I don't even want to sit outside because she used to like to sit outside all the time, specially when it started to get a little hot, when I would come home after work, she was always sitting there by herself or with my daughter. Also, everything makes me upset, I don't want anyone to tell my anything, or don't want to hear commercials for mother's day. I don't really talk to my dad, because I know it must be hard for him they were married for 54 years last October 17 and now, even though I live next door, he's alone most of the day and at night. Will it ever get better, will I ever be able to stop crying or stop thinking about her last days at the hospital? It seems that's what I think most about, how she cried and her sad eyes and that she wanted to tell us something but couldn't communicate anymore. That kills me. Sometimes I feel like running and looking for her, I feel she's somewhere in another estate or something. This hurst like heck, and no matter what people tell me, it doesn't seem to help me.
Please how does one cope with this? Will I ever feel happy again?
Maggie