Diane, Thank you for your comments. They help more than you know.
By the way, please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. That would be incredibly difficult. You are clearly a strong person who has done well in spite of your anxiety disorder.
I am not wholly reassured by anything. I was referred to another doctor who was covering for my reconstructive surgeon. Absolutely useless. Drive all the way there, park, see him, he just shrugs and says he does not deal with reconstructions or pain. That I should go to the ER. Yes, I ended up in tears and cannot say I was that polite. I basically told him that I had wasted my time and money coming to see him to have him shrug and offer me no recourse. He gave me my check back. I didn't care about that. I need help today. I will reach out to my psychiatrist for pain meds (he won't give them, I suspect, because he avoids giving me any narcotics). And anxiety meds. I don't want to go back to the Xanax, but I can't feel like this all the time. I need to be numb for work.
I have 10 days off per year. I have low immunity. I have to watch every day. Once I run out of time, they can fire me. My manager used to let me work from home occasionally but not anymore. Things are quite tense and I don't have any recourse but to clench my teeth.
My son is coming to see me next week and I cannot afford to take much time off. I will barely get to see him. It's just awful. I am having a bad day--and I just have to talk about it.
I appreciate your listening.
Jessica