Jessica,, I hear you loud and clear
I too had a billateral masectomy due to two types of cancer,, ductal and lobular. Vast lymph node involvement. They took 19 of them. No lymphodemia yet. But I sit and wait. I'm on Arimidex and posted here about how it causes depression and I've got it big time. Maybe I have an anxiety disorder. I"ve never gone to anyone for it. I'm just assuming thats what it is. I'm seeing a heart specialits to see why my heart races so hard I have to lay down for up to an hour. They say my tests are fine. I have no sex drive,, I had reconstruction and now sport two hard painful breasts that I know will have to be reduced or removed in time. I'm holding out as long as I can because I have cleavage. I'm in a dark place on a nice sunny spring day. I feel the same as you and if that gives you any releif I'm glad. I don't know what to say to help you. I'm 45,,, and assuming my life is over. I feel like it is anyway. I give the others on here alot of credit for being so strong. Dieing with dignity. ... How the heck can I do that. I'm clawing and bitter,,,,,and resentful that this happened to me. I think we will be ok.. Lets at least hang on to that for now. I just need a new drug that won't make me feel like crap.
Lynn