I too am a caregiver for my husband. He has been fighting hogkins lymphoma since Oct 05. We were told in the beginning how easy it would be to treat and it was the cancer to have. Well he has failed all treatments and is now receiving palliative therapy. We have been married for 20 years and I too feel the lonelyness that happens late at night, thisis when my depression seems to take hold of me the most. I try to take a walk, get on a piece of exercise equipment. Anything to keep me moving seems to help. I am in the Air Force and have been for 23 years, I have been in alot of pretty hairy situations (I even went to Baghdad Iraq in 07 when we thought my husband had went into remission) but my husband and I have always stood by the belief that everything happens for a reason and God takes us down a path, no matter if we want to walk that path or not. I truely know that there is a reason for what happens to us in our lives but we may never know the whole picture. I am not sure if my rambling helps you or not but you are not alone in your journey, there are alot of care givers out there that are willing to listen. I am one of them, so if you need an ear to vent.... just let go it really makes you feel better.