On 4/15/2008
spaceponynumber7 wrote:
I want to help my friend with cancer, but there are forces at work here greater than me. It's not just cancer. That sounds like a cakewalk, just cancer. In reality, she's a complex person. It's all so logical to me: Someone has cancer so you make their lives super-comfortable and give them all they need so they can get better quickly. That's what I'm thinking. She's thinking let's keep things as normal as possible. Let's try to make this as minimal an interruption. Let's not bother anyone. Somehow I've crept through that brick wall and she leans on me. But no one else can know, that's her dream. She doesn't want to do anything weak. She doesn't want to feel like life is passing her by. My paradigm cannot survive in her paradigm.
Have you run into this paradox?
I can see why you are so concerned to help your friend. But one thing you have to remember is that it is her life and her decision. As a cancer patient, I know exactly what she means. When people find out you have cancer, they change. Not always for the best. Friends and family members can become distant quite quickly. Not because they don't care, but because they do not understand and do not know what to say in most cases. If you truly want to help your friend, you need to do it her way, not yours. Be there for her, help her where you can, listen to her, and respect her right to privacy. If she is one of the ones to reach remission, it will be easier for her to resume normal life again. If her condition worsens, she may change her mind and ask that you let other chosen people know. I'm sure she is very greatful for having you as a friend and she must have trust in you or you would not have been told about her condition either. It's very important that you keep that bond, for her sake right now. It will be even more important if something happens to her later and you have kept the bond, you will have peace of mind knowing that you were truly a great friend to her and did all that you could. God Bless you both.