Well today was radiation treatment number 9 and hubby is not doing so well. I call him every day from work at about 9:30 to make sure he is up and eats breakfast before he has to take his meds for his ethyol shot.
This morning I called him and he tells me his throat is bleeding and he was coughing up what he calls "pea sized bits of hamburger" which was white and yellow yucky stuff. He is almost crying (my strong man who wouldnt dream of shedding a tear) and is so miserable he doesnt know how he is going to continue.
Turns out he has thrush AND mucositis. We left the cancer center loaded with prescriptions for the liquid hydrocodone, nystatin and magic mouthwash. Also had to get some cream for the rash that he is getting at the site where he gets his ethyol shots. It is taking longer and longer for him to eat a meal from the pain so I imagine it wont be too much longer before he is using the peg tube to get his nutrition.
I knew that it would bad and very bad at that, I guess neither one of us was expecting it to happen this quickly. He tried to say today, I think they are using too much radiation on me!! Bless his heart, my heart breaks for him and I just want to help him feel better, though there doesnt seem to be a whole lot I can do for him except pump meds into him. Now we are totally scared about the upcoming week. He has 9 more treatments and then he will be going twice a day. The road is still so long and he is already miserable I just dont know what to do anymore. Thankfully he is sleeping now, so hopefully that is some relief for him (but his snoring is AWFUL!!)
I also get jealous of my friends now. I get angry hearing about their normal, happy lives when we are living in this hell with the end not yet in sight. I find myself snapping at my friend for saying ughhhh I hate doing laundry or I am so stressed out with the kids when I sit there thinking, I WISH that the worst of my problems. I end up lashing out and then feel horrible afterwards but I just hate it! Does that make any sense?
Anyways, I feel better now after letting some of that out. I try so hard to stay positive for my hubby and sometimes I guess I just need to let it go. God Bless all those who are going through this or have been through it and survived. I am trying to use these positive stories to think about when I feel like falling apart, and I'm not even the one getting the treatments!!!
Thanks for listening, end rant.
Brandi