That is such a hard question and one I am struggling with also. I am ready to fight to the bitter end but I am not sure that my husband feels the same. I have decided that I will support him with whatever he chooses to do.
Doug has Stage iv Renal Cancer since Sept 2004 with bone and lung mets. He has had four sugeries and has tried four different treatments. He has not had any cancer treatment since January because he has so many serious problems in addition to the cancer that are most likely caused by the earlier treatments. We just saw the onc yesterday and she wants to wait two more months and scan again before restarting treatment to see if they can clear up his other issues first.
He is going to the VA hospital and has had to spend so much time there. Besides the oncologist he is seeing a cardiologist, a vascular MD, a podiatrist, and a rheumatologist. He is suffering so much and it is so difficult to watch it. I think he is losing his will to fight and that scares me. I do still push him to go to his appointments, to take his meds and to eat and some times it is a battle. I won't stop that but will honor his wishes if and when he completely refuses.
It is a horrible, horrible thing to go through. I think we have to stay strong for them, support them in every way, but respect their wishes in the end. The hardest part is trying to decide if he is really giving up and I need to accept it or if he just is having a bad time and needs encouragement from me to keep fighting. I know this doesn't answer your question. I am so glad that you asked it and am hoping there are others who will give their opinion on this and maybe help both of us.
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