Hi, Cath. Thank you again for another wonderful message. We've had a new development with our mom during the night.
My sister Wendy just called crying. Mom called a nurse into her room this morning at 3:00 and said: "I've made a decision. I want you to write everything down and make six copies for my children." She told the nurse: "I'm done now." She doesn't want any more treatments, no more medications aside from her insulin. This means no more dialysis, no chemo. She told the nurse: 'I want you to keep me comfortable and pain-free, that's all. I just want to go to sleep." Then she told the nurse: "I want to tell my children I love them all dearly, I love my Faith Lutheran Church prayer partners dearly, and I love all my missionary friends. But tell them I know I'll see them again on the other side."
She's been in excruciating pain - as you know so well yourself, I'm sure. The doctor who told my brother David that of all the cancers mom could get, MM is the most merciful because the body produces a kind of analgesic affect as the disease progresses --- well, of course that turned out to be nothing but a big boat-load of manure. [We joke that perhaps the man who stopped David in the hospital hall to tell him this wasn't a doctor at all, just some guy who stayed at a Holiday Inn Express the night before]. I know now there is nothing merciful about MM.
The amazing thing is that for this discussion, the nurse told Wendy our mom was lucid and coherent -- but, you see, as recently as yesterday she has been kept on so much morphine that she's been "high" and hallucinating, only speaking gibberish and not able to maintain any meaningful thread of conversation. So I see God's hand in what happened this morning at 3:00. God can speak to us even through the stupor of drugs!!!! (the application of this to my daughter, who is choosing very risky behavior in the drug culture, has not been lost on me-- I consider this with my mom this morning to be like the blessings you emailed me about...how God used it to tell me something about my daughter, that He is still in control of all situations...not drugs nor disease can separate us from Him).
Wendy in Minnesota called me in Arkansas and I called Robyn in Iowa...Robyn called David in Boston...Wendy called Dan in Florida...she's still trying to reach CJ in Nebraska. Cath, I don't know what this means in terms of days left for my momma. Without dialysis she will begin to have total renal failure. The doctors told us when she was admitted that if they couldn't save her kidneys, she had soemthing like a 10-15 day count-down-to-heaven. So...maybe 3 weeks? I'm going to go up again as soon as I can. If I wait, won't she be so drugged that there won't be much chance to interact?
I'm a professional violinist. The trip I just made to Minnesota to see her was very special - I played her favorite hymns for her on my violin by the hour in her hospital room. There are a few more hymns left to play. Without all the drugs, maybe for awhile she will be able to hear them and maybe even sing along.
I am so sad, but I am also so happy she is going to the heaven I read about in Randy Alcorn's book (Heaven). I am so glad my mom will be spared lots of suffering. I am so glad I already got an entire week to play hymns for her every day and some special moments alone with her. I am so glad my mom never stopped praying for me through all my rebellious years. I am so glad my mother knows the Lord. I am so glad I will see her again one day.
I just thought you would want to know. -Becky