On 5/15/2008
worriedforthem wrote:
but i dont want to get my neighbor in trouble. Ok so i guess i should give a little history. Just a few months ago my neighbour told me that my other neighbour across the street has breast cancer. She had just undergone a mastectomy and was going to need very extensive chemo and radiation. My neighhour was told to keep it a secret, but told me because she was having a hard time dealing with it and she trusts me not to spread it around. I was outside talking to both of them not long ago and if you hadn't told me, i wouldn't have noticed the mastectomy. I guess you just don't look in that area when you are talking with someone. I didn't want to make it obvious. At that time her chemo hadn't started so she still looked pretty much the same. Since then i was told that she had several chemo treatments. You can tell because my neighbour has started to wear head scarfs and looks weaker. I haven't had the chance to talk with her, as she hasn't been outside alot. I so desperately want to offer my assistance and support but just don't know how to approach this without 'outing' the neighbour who told me about it all. I kinda wish she hadn't told me because if and when my neighbour decides to share this with me I don't know how to react. I understand how horrible cancer is on the family as i just recently lost my father to pancreatic cancer and my mother was diagnosed shortly after with leukemia. I just want to be there for her. I find myself peeking out the window when she is outside to see how she is doing. I worry terribly about her and only have good intentions. How do you think i should deal with this? She has small children and it breaks my heart that such a lovely person is battling cancer. But i also know that if there is anything i can do to lessen her burden i would do it in a heartbeat. Please help.
Having afamily members with chemo, just "accidentally" walk outside and across the street when you see your neighbor and ask, that due to your experience, you couldn't help but wonder if she is undergoing chemotherapy treatments. If she says yes and she's open to conversation at all, start talking and listening. If she prefers not to talk about it, you'll know. If she doesn't, offer her any help, tell her you're there for her and make your exit.
If she is open to talking, by all means, talk. Or rather, let her talk. When I was going through chemo, I was so very lonley. Few people actually came up to me and said anything. The only place I felt comfortable was at the hospital. Friends didn't want to "bother" me, aquaintences didn't know what to say so they stayed away for the most part. There isn't much family to lean on so I was lonley. The lonliness hurt almost more than anything else.
I had friends online, but there's nothing that replaces human contact. A neighbor to share a cup of coffee, someone to chat with, someone close to home, these things are so important. Worlds close in on a cancer patient or anyone with a dilitating disease especially when one's appearance is changed so drastically, like when chemo treatments alter the appearance so dramatically.
Extend a hand. If she is so uncomfotable that she can't open up, give her time. But if I were you, and your heart seems to be in the right place, do it. She just might be sorely needing a friend.
Laura