I feel your pain so deeply!! I lost my Mom to GBM tumors almost 9 months ago. I too felt like I could not breath - I felt like a zombie and felt like I had the flu all the time. Mom was only 65 and she was the heart, home and ROCK of our family!! She was Mother and Father to all 6 of her children and even some grandchildren. The ache of her passing will never go away. We lost our Matriarch and nothing will ever be the same.However, I have learned that living her legacy is keeping her memory alive and is what helps me wake up each morning! My Mom was my best friend and by far my biggest fan! She went to be with the Lord exactly 9 weeks from diagnosis. This was by the far the most excruciatingly painful experience that we all went through in our entire life and sometimes I don't know how I can go on, but I find comfort in knowing she is with our Lord and reunited with her loved ones especially her parents! My Mom was also the bravest and most courageous woman I have ever knew and she was the vessel to keep us strong during this difficult journey....She never complained and always thought of others before herself. This is what defined her and this is why her marker says "Always loving; Always loved". We were blessed with taking care of her those last 9 weeks and she was able to take her last breath surrounded by her 6 children, grandchildren and even my Dad whom divorced her 28 years ago came to her bedside. She died within minutes after his arrival. My brother interpreted it best that her six children "walked her home". You see after my Mom entered the hospital last June, she never walked again until she entered God's glory on September 2, 2007. I find peace in knowing where she is and although I feel at times it is unfair that she is not here any longer physically, she will always live within me.........I cry as I write this but I want you to know that you need to surround yourself around people you love and who are willing to listen to anything you have to say and let out the emotions; holding it in will prolong your grief. It is a journey that we all have to go through to get through. I also want to recommend a support group to you, it is called GriefShare. Google it for the website and you can find the closest one to your home. This has really helped me and without this, the love of my family and my faith, I could have not made it this far. I still have a very long way to go, but I am making progress except Mother's Day was hard and all the one year anniversaries are coming up..........I just try to keep celebrating my Mom's life by trying to learn how to go on living without her in this world. She would have wanted this.
My heart goes out to you and your family!
Sending prayers, love and blessings your way!
Vickie