I posted yesterday that I wished my Dad would move in with me. He had his 2nd ressection done in April after we learned of regrowth this past Feb. June 6 will mark 1 year ago when his journey started.
Anyways, my dad was going to have a 2nd dose of radiation, they felt he was strong enough and he did really well the first time. It was suppose to start yesterday, but he starting declining this week. Major right side weakness. So we took him in for a blood count today....and they did a CT scan...he couldn't even walk...this is the first time we needed a wheel chair. The poor guy! I feel so bad, he's very aware of the changes happening and unable to speak at all. I literally had to help him to the bathroom and to get dressed today. This entire time he's been able to ALL of this on his own....but things have changed.
The CT Scan revealed so much swelling on his left side that it's pushing over to his right side...the normal brain. He can't have radiation with a brain swell like this. He has opted out of any oral chemo or any chemo for that matter.
Today we talked about Pallative Care...possibly hospice? They wanted to admit him today to Pallative care floor...and I refused and took him home. Home..to his house, where he wants to be.
What am I thinking? I can't be a 24/7 caregiver and I'm not sure anyone in our family can. But I just felt so bad for him and I couldn't dare put him in the hospital to die. We were told things could go really bad for him this weekend...but it also may get better with the upped dose of steroid. I am hoping that works and he at least gets his strength to walk.
I just don't know...the doctor said we are coming to the end of this journey and those words have just crushed my heart of any hope. How in the world do I stay postive? He is not living a quality life that he has stated...and it's obvious he's not getting any better...maybe a little...but not the quality I know he's hoping for.
It's just so hard. I am having a social worker call me to set up visiting nurse etc for him. I'm going to try my hardest to try and keep him at home...I wish he'd come to my house though...but I keep thinking how this beastly cancer has taken so much from him this year, his job, his ability to speak, play his guitar in his band and belt out the Elvis Tunes that he has sung since I was a little girl. He can't go fishing or even go outside to his porch and watch the sunset. How can I take him out of his home...it's all he has left.
Thanks for listening...I pray for all of you beating this disease, the people who are just starting, the ones in the middle and those of us near the end. I also send major hugs to all who have already lost.
Jill