Thanks for all the messages. It helps to read them and know how people felt when they go through this. My dad is still with us. Hospice is a new thing to me. When my Mom died, she was in ICU and very sick from an infection...once we took her off the vent...she went quickly. I remember all the tubes, needles and machines she had....it was horrible.
But my dad..he is peaceful. Just sleeping. He doesn't even look sick. It's amazing to me that he is leaving the earth shortly. I just want him to get better...like all the other times he was in the hospital...but I know in my heart, we are at the end. Sitting there watching him breath is probably the hardest thing about this ordeal. I keep wondering when it will stop and how I will feel. I go thru emotions in cycles...happy, sad, content, relaxed, anxiety, fear, guilt..more sadness...and then it repeats. I just keep telling myself this is part of the journey of life. Death is a part of it...even though my dad should still have some more years. I am thankful for the years that we did have...and actually the past year w/the diagnosis. I have to say I was able to get to know my dad on a different level...and a level that probably wouldn't exist today if it wasn't for the tumor. We led such busy lives before the sickness and it's amazing how once someone is diagnosed....you simply find the time to just BE w/one another. For that...we can thank cancer.
The doctor told us yesterday it would be less than a week. Even though he is so peaceful and just sleeping...it's still hard to sit back and wait. He was quite aware today...so I took the opportunity to let him know his fighting is over..it's OK to go be with his wife..and then I also told him he had to make sure to say "hi" to my Mom. He smiled at me. I will cherish that moment forever.
Jill