Oh Jill....your latest post brought tears to my eyes.....Every baby step is part of the process....every emotion is part of the healing....It was not so long ago that we spent the last 5 days of Dad's life right by his side dealing with all the raw emotions...
I, too, came to see my Dad is a completely different light due to his cancer. I'd always admired and respected and loved him, but to watch him so bravely fight the battle and keep a positive attitude and a genuine smile on his face, to see him realize that every day, even those filled with chemo or radiation or headaches or nausea, is a blessing from God, those are the little blessings that God provides in the midst of the battle.
I do pray that your father's soul is right with God. I know that my dad had made all his arrangements with the Lord, and I am confident that he passed away so much more peacefully because he knew something better than this world was waiting on the other side.
My prayers to you and again, if there is absolutely anything I can do to help you through this hard time, you don't even hesitate to let me know.
Brenda