I lost my mum (my best friend, mentor and advisor) to pancreatic cancer Thursday 28th February of this year, after 8 months of finding out, a very unexpected death, (she was 57yrs old) we were all very shocked, family, friends, drs, her work colleagues, it was a very sudden death. I remember the day my mum found out something was wrong when she went for an ERCP, she was told she had a mass in her pancreas. I didnt realise until later on that normally when someone is told they have a mass that this means that the majority of the time that they have cancer. My mum being a nurse with a wealth of experience instantly knew what this meant. The silence between me and her on our way home was really unsettling, as this was so unexepected, she obviously knew more than I could handle. I was able to maintain a certain amount of ignorance for some time which I am thankful but this was short lived. I am nursing student and when I found out it was purely out of chance. Part of the work I was doing researching statistics eg mortality rates, crime rates of an area, then I came across it the four worse cancers pancreatic cancer was one of them. All the upset started very early on. However she was lucky she had the whipple and then the chemo as some would not have had this chance. I do feel bitter with relation to mum eg. dying the day after she was suppose to go on hols to see family, she was taken so quickly and suddenly, she should have been at hm when she passed not in hosp and plenty more. At the end of the day I am so proud of her determination and her love for us, her family. I know that she had a strong influence on the people around her and was well liked. Although I have memories of my mum, been able to say that I loved her, had time with her, its not enough and it never will be. I have a real admiration for my mum and for people who have gone through what my mum went through even if it wasnt cancer. Its easy to say I know what you are going through but the experience of it all is much more different. It really is life changing. Anyway I think I rambled on enough and really go on forever, I just wanted to share some thoughts.