So sorry to hear about your mom. It is a tough journey for her and the family and I wish you the best. I will give you my best advice based on what we went through. But keep in mind, everyone is different and all cancers are different too.
My mom had small cell cancer of the lung metastacized to the liver. Back in January, she was given 6 months to live since the third line of treatment was not showing that it was working. Apparently, once you get past two lines of treatment for small cell, there is not much more that generally extends your life by very much. She lived basically 5 more months. When we were told after her 4th line treatment didn't work that she had about two months to live, she lived only one more month. So in both occasions, the timelines were not too far off.
In the last month of her life, she was able to drive, do very simple errands, and walk about one block. But she was very tired, had nausea/vomiting and extreme pain for that last month. It was hard finding balance between taking the right amount of pain killers but not getting too nauseous or being too "out of it". She was able to function better (spend time with grandkids) when she had more pain if that makes sense. Somehow pain kept her grounded somewhat. The pain was mostly from her liver pressing on the liver capsule because it was inflammed. She had a lot of ascites (swelling of the abdomen) and edema in her leg. It wasn't until the last five days of her life that I noticed any yellowing of her skin and it wasn't bad even then. Her liver enzymes remained normal or only slightly elevated until the last ten days of her life. After that point, they stopped doing the liver enzyme tests (what was the point I guess). In the last ten days of her life, she was still able to walk herself inside the dr office and then to the hospital admitting room. The reason she was admitted was because of the pain. She had basically stopped eating for about the last three weeks of her life although she had a decent meal about every 3-4 four days. Most days she had nothing because it made her feel worse. The day before being admitted to the hospital, she had started a pain pump which allowed her to press a button that put the pain medicine directly in her bloodstream, but we felt like she needed to be in the hospital because it was hard to find the "right amount" and she was still vomiting or dry heaving a lot. She also had a touch of bronchitis that she couldn't kick. And those last few days before she went into the hospital, she had to write down every medicine she took and what time she took it because she was having trouble remembering things. Now that I look back on it, the liver failure was probably affecting her brain at that point too. We both thought it was the pain medicines and anti nausea meds that were creating the confusion, but it was likely also related to liver failure too.
So, she went into the hospital and they immediately increased the pain pump and gave her round the clock anti nausea meds. She had a lot of confusion and disorientation, and I told them that I thought they had increased it too much. They agreed I guess because they backed it off for two days. Well, the pain came back with a vengance and her confusion continued so that is about the point when I began making decisions for her because she became more and more confused, particularly during the night. I slept nights five nights at the hospital and would try to work/take cared of kids during the day (I lived about 1.5 hours from her in Williamsburg, VA) and would drive home in the morning and return at night. Her pain was under control at the end of the five nights but she was no longer able to take care of herself at home because she was too weak and too confused. She agreed to go to a wonderful hospice house in Williamsburg where she spend the last five nights of her life. Once she got to the hospice facility, she declined very quickly. I think some of it was probably her finally accepting her fate. She asked to visit with her grandkids and friends and said some things that made me think she was saying her goodbyes. Despite the confusion, she still had many lucid moments during the nights and we had a lot of laughs and teary moments too. The hospice people helped me greatly and I would recommend reading the Final Gifts, Death and Dying and Crossing the Creek to help any family member caring for someone dying. For the last two days/nights of her life, her eyes were closed but I could tell she could still hear me on several occasions. I am thankful that I was able to be there when she took her last breath although I know that that is a rare thing. Also, I have read and been told my several hospice people that mothers generally seem to choose to die by themselves and not in front of their daughters and sons. Many times the hospice nurses would say that the son or daughter would spend 15-20 hours a day at the hospice house but the mother would die when they left the room to get a cup of coffee or go to the bathroom. Maybe mothers do want to spare their children of that moment, but I was definitely thankful to be there. But, my mother chose to die within 5 minutes after I said a prayer for God to go ahead and take her with him and to give me strength. I have not been a very religious person during my 39 years, but going through this experience has made me realize the power of prayer and spirituality. Also, I continue to be amazed by the number of things that have happened since her death that cannot possibly be coincidence and have let me know that she is there for me even after death.
Please feel free to send me a private message if you ever need anything. Now that my mom has passed on June 14, I do not read the boards as often but I hope that I can be of help to someone.
LC