Hello fellow chemo patients,
It is only after having a week from helll that I decide to share this experience. Had we only known then what we know today, we might have avoided this extremely stressful period.
Rick had his last chemo treatment on May 20th, and two weeks later ended up in the hospital with possible pneumonia. While that only lasted 3 days, the fevers were under control and his breathing was somewhat better, we went home and left for Lake Tahoe the following week.
Doctor wanted to hold off on chemo treatments for a while, aka "Chemo Holiday", as apparently you really don't want to do these treatments when you lungs are in a reduced capacity.
Everything rolls along fine until Wednesday of last week, where Rick has just worked himself into a manic episode. Believing he is continuing to lose weight, he now figures he is down to 130 to 132 pounds (all this mind you without getting on a scale, lol. He was just looking in the mirror). He is now packing all his clothes for the Goodwill, putting all his meds in the Laundry Room, etc. He will not be consoled and, lucky me, I find myself the target of all of his fear and anger. He thinks he only has one or two months left to live, and he is TERRIFIED. I finally had to leave and go to the movies, etc.
We do get an appointment to go into see our Doc, and she tells us "IT IS VERY COMMON FOR PATIENTS ON A CHEMO HOLIDAY, TO GET EXTREMELY ANXIOUS! THEY CAN FEEL LIKE THEY ARE GIVING THE CANCER AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET AHEAD OF THE CHEMO" When she got him on the scale, he weighed 139 pounds. Phew, what a relief. And we could see it wash over his face. All the other CBC and CMP tests looked normal, his CA-19 tumor markers had actually come down to 91 without a treatment.
She has doubled his Effexor (anti-depressant) dosage and given him a prescription for a very small dosage 0.25 mg of Klonopin which we will fill only if we see that cliff coming again. We met with the Social Worker attached to the Cancer Center and she was a great sounding board. We now have a key word "Pink" and I will say "I am so sorry you are feeling so terrified. Please let me know what I can do to help. In the meantime, I will be leaving for a few hours to let you work through these issues and we can discuss them when I get home".
My only point in this diatribe is, THESE FEELINGS ARE REAL IF YOU ARE TAKING A BREAK FROM YOUR NORMAL CHEMO REGIMEN. Talk about it with your doctor and talk about it with your caregivers and/or patients. This hit us completely out of the blue and it was not an easy thing to see and live through (much hurt feelings and things better left unsaid). It would have been so much easier on both of us, had we known this was a possible reaction to a "holiday", and I guarantee you this is real.
We restarted Rick's chemo treatments again yesterday and his counts are great and he is feeling great. I am salving my wounds with vodka and lemonade, just kidding. Well, not really, but they taste great in the warmth of the summer, hah.
We hope you all have a great 4th of July holiday with those you love. Eat well and enjoy the company. Steve, an update on Lisa would be nice to read. You've got me a little worried when I don't see you here for a while............. Paul, you too.
Cheers to you all,
Scott