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Ambivalence

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Subject: Ambivalence
Date: 07/08/2008

Sixteen months ago my wife was diagnosed with multiple metastatic brain tumors from an unknown primary cancer.  At the time of her diagnosis, we had been separated but still friendly and partners at business.  The crisis, of course, brought us back together for mutual support and even, for a brief period, there was a thought we'd rekindled the relationship.

She had surgery and radiation and today seems very healthy.  If fact, we are now at the point where we were before the the cancer arrived.  I can see that the cancer alone is not enough to save a marriage and am torn as to what to do. If I stay, I will be tempted to wander.  If I leave, I will be considered a low-life for abandoning a wife with cancer.  There is no passion in this marriage, just a polite platonic, business relationship.  Maybe enough for most guys who have been married 30 plus years and are in their early 50's, ready for the rocking chair.  But I am not happy and she is no longer secure in her marrage. This marriage is only being held together by the glue of her crisis, which has apparently settled into remission as there has been no new signs of cancer whatsoever.

The prognosis for her disease is wildly varied, from a best of 18 to 24 months, to up to a median of 36 months.  That is a long time to stay in an unhappy house for all the right reasons.  Morally, I stay because...? For better or worse.  If that was the case, then there would be no divorces.  For sicker or poorer...That's my dilemma.  We'll both get sicker if we stay together and I'll be a lot poorer if I leave!!!

I  just finished reading a book called "Love Life" about a husband whose wife had breast cancer and how he coped.  He did it in a very unique and exciting way...but not very respectfully.

Responses?

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