Not sure why I’m writing, my wife was diagnosed with colon cancer with mets to the liver in 2002.
In oct of 2007 she had a brain seizure from a tumor and did not wake up until 3 days later,, I learned that this was common because chemo has no effect on the brain so cancer to the brain wasn’t uncommon,
The doctors pushed for surgery because they said it would only get worse, life span was short, and her last cats showed improvements in the liver, {sorry she had surgery awhile back where they removed the colon tumor.}
So surgery was the thing to do, radiation was a possibility but surgery would still have to be done to remove the tumor. Well she had the surgery and lasted 2-3 weeks before she started slipping away on us, we went on hospice, hospice is great but I personally think they need to reevaluate the way they do things, because of some problems with breathing and panic attaches, they moved my wife to the hospice center for care. The day we brought her in the nurse told me I should contact the family because she could tell this would be her last day, well my wife lived for 3 weeks, they where calling her the miracle girl, but not a big enough of a miracle to do anything about it, all I heard from the staff and doctors is they have no idea what’s keeping her going, my reply was, well maybe you guys are wrong and it’s not my wife’s time, I think when a doctor is questioned you insult them, because they did nothing to find out for sure if the cancer was the cause or maybe it was something else, but every time I suggested maybe take her off hospice and admit her as a reg patient, that was the wrong thing to do, she would not get the care that she has now, and why do you want to put your wife through more pain and suffering by having test done that is only going to tell you what we know now, so stupid me listened, on Jan 7 2008 my wife died, a 38 year relationship gone., 6 yrs of dating, 32 yrs of the best time of my life, I don’t know what’s harder, the fact that she’s gone, or that I feel I could have saved her if I didn’t go along with the doctors. I still don’t understand why, if someone is showing progress, out lived her original diagnoses of 6 months, is not here anymore. I also don’t know if her oncologist should be held responsible for her death, because he new a brain tumor was possible and never checked my wife for any tumor growth in the brain. Hospice did set me up with counseling but that’s hopeless for me, the therapist can’t help me because I don’t want to help my self, and that totally confuses me. Like I said, I don’t know why I wrote all this, maybe I’m looking for some kind of answers on what went wrong, something to help me deal with this, all I do know is I don’t want to die, but I really don’t feel like living anymore. I guess I should stop here; I could go on for ever.
Tommy