How To Deal With My Mom's Cancer

On 7/22/2008 Tala84 wrote:

This is the first time I ever write about this.

The reason I discovered the website is when my mother was rushed to the hospital a couple of hours ago to get some pain killers because she was in so much pain.

I sat on her couch and cried so hard, then I talked to friends, then I thought, maybe I can find something online.

My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in May 2006, I was writing my thesis for my undergrad the month she was diagnosed, and she insisted on me studying while she was undergoing an operation and her first round of chemo.

I graduated and was admitted to gradschool with a full scholarship that same month, and my mother insisted that I moved to DC (my mom lives abroad with my family). In sept, my mom told me her CT scan was great and she is done with cancer.

A few months later, in February, she has a relapse. Ever since then she has been trying different kinds of chemo, taking breaks. Now she is on a break because she lost so much weight. My heart has been broken ever since. My mom is my best friend and I never thought one could feel pain like that.

Mom wouldn't let me leave school and come back home, she is insisting on all of us resuming our normal lives. I come here in the summer for three and a half months to be with her, and when I'm in the US I call her every single day. My mother is surrounded by my aunts and her friends who take care of her 24/7.

My mom is very brave, her life was not easy as our single mother and she worked so hard for us to have everything we want. She wants me to go back to my last year of graduate school and write my thesis.

I'm so tired, I'm only here for three months and I feel so consumed. I'm only 24 and I feel so old. I know I'm brave for going back and doing well at school, and I know it makes her so happy. But I'm torn.

I think I'm writing this because I need to communicate with people who are going through this. I have wonderful friends but sometimes they just don't understand and they don't know how to deal with it.

Despite everything, the other day I was sitting on the couch near her, and I put my head on her stomach where the cancer is, and all I could hear were her heartbeats. Nothing beats the heart.

Cancer is a really difficult thing to deal with. Everyone reacts differently.

You have to ask yourself if you go back to school and your Mom dies, will you ever forgive yourself (even if she insists on you going back)? If you can come to some peace with this, go back to school but know the choice you are making.

If you discontinue school and you Mom survives, would you harbor resentments for the rest of your life?

You can take your Mother's wishes into consideration when you make your decision but the decision is ultimately yours and you are the one that will have to live with yourself and your decision for the rest of your life.

Schools are out there all over the place. You can always go back and finish a degree ( I have three Master's degree's) but you only have one Mother and she will only die once in your life.

 Just remember these things as you make your decision and when you do make your decision, never look back and second guess yourself. Make your decision and move forwardly willingly and with joy--knowing you have made the best decision you can with the information available to you at the time.

 Love to you and yours,

LeAnne