Crystal,
I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I lost my mom to cancer just two months ago. As I read through your message and the replies, I found myself sobbing. My mom was misdiagnosed, and the cancer went unchecked in her body for at least a year and a half. She actually had two types of cancer, Hodgkins Lymphoma and Merkel Cell Carcinoma. The lymphoma went into remission once they finally got the diagnosis right, but the Merkel Cell is what got her. Anyway, I know what you mean about always being sick to your stomach. In the two years that Mom battled cancer, there was always this nagging feeling in the background. Whenever I was happy, I would remember what was going on with Mom. I remained hopeful to the end, even after they gave her six months. Unfortunately, they were wrong again, and we lost my mom five months before we expected. I'm not telling you this to give you something more to worry about. I simply want you to realize how important it is to make the most of every moment you have with your mom. My mom was on a trip back from a treatment center in Arizona when she took a turn for the worst. We never really got to say good-bye. It was such a shock when we took her to the doctor and were told she had only a few days. By that time, she really couldn't communicate too well. I come from a family of five children, so it has helped to have others who understand exactly what I'm feeling. I can't imagine going through this on my own. I would encourage you to find some sort of support group. Only someone who is in a similar situation can understand what you're feeling. I've been bothered by comments made by people who really don't know what I'm going through. They try, but they just can't understand. I would tell you to let your parents know what you're feeling. I think it will help your mom know how much you love her. Just be with her and try to enjoy every moment you have with her. Take lots of pictures and videos. You might even want to record her voice. I still have a few messages on my machine from Mom, and I listen to them when I just need to hear her voice. Please tell me your mom's name, and I will pray for a miracle for her. I hope this helps. It helps me a little just to "talk" to someone else who knows what it's like. Please keep in touch if you'd like.
Dannielle