Janeen, hello there how are you? hope this reaches your family on a good week! have you noticed there are many similarities between us?, What country do you live in, This is the first time I've ever had the internet so it is a real novelty but what a joy it is to be able to discuss any thing we want to, say our inner most fears and wishes and be able to cry while we do it, and still hold up our heads. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to live somewhere a gun man could rob your family. Yes we have the same sort of violence in our country but not where we live thank goodness.
You asked where my husband was being treated, he was mainly treated at home by me, and a community nurse{community angel really,} she came over every second day or more if I rang her up. We became very close and she was very helpful in getting some of the more expensive medications we couldn't afford. And to admit him into hospital because we didn't have any health fund so it usually is hard to be seen immediately.Of course when he was admitted he was treated just like royalty the care given by the palliative care team Drs and nurses {do you have palliative care teams where you are}?.
The camp my children went to is run by a group called, Canteen it stands for Cancer for teenagers being a patient, off spring or a sibling, or friend of a cancer patient. It was started by a group of teenage cancer patients because they found there wasn't any councelling groups for kids 12 to 24 years and kids still need fun in life to be able to cope with adult stresses.
I was very sad to hear your own terrifying scare with your breast, how are you, do you have anyone to help you at home our palliative teams can come into the home and look after the patients for an hour or three, so the carer can go out to do anything they want to. We do need to see other people and other surroundings,and to recharge your batteries.
Personally when my children were told he had cancer and we said that he was really sick and the drs can't fix him but they will make him feel as well as they can for as long as they could, the first question my daughter asked was daddy going to die, I took the opportunity and told them the truth, that yes he will die {their imagination of what could be happening and what the truth is can really affect their emotional well being} and we have at least the chance to have the most valuable time with him, because if he died in a accident we would never be able to say our goodbyes. They coped with the truth better than seeing him deteriorating before their eyes and not understanding why. It wasn't such a shock when it happened. Everyone has to deal and do what their heart tells them is the best way to cope.
I have people {well intentioned though} that still tell me you will get over it and will just have to get on with things, well to hell with them, {sorry}, they cannot know how hard it is to be the decision maker the problem solver, the handyman when you have no idea how to do the things he used to do I am learning by trial and error,.
I hope your husband can talk to you about his fears and trust me he will have them even if he doesn't show it. Every time hubby talked to me I had to become very strict with myself and to stop crying and to try and get through a whole conversation with out breaking down he hated it when I cried and told me he didn't have enough time to wait for me to stop and to cry when he was gone I thought he was mean but it made sense because I realised it made it hard for him to get through his day.
We have his ashes buried inside my wishing well with roses around it, so I'm going out now to have a coffee and to think of what was, and now will be,
sending strength to you and yours,
Debbie xxx