I lost my mom, my best friend on November 10th, 2005
It is really a hard struggle. I miss our laughs, our tears together, when I did bad things and got burned out I slept with her and she would hug me, ... I miss her love and hugs.
Im only 22. I lost my nana to pancreatic cancer in 2000, and now Ive lost my mom too. I don't really have any wonderful supportive family. Two family members are there for me, but only since my mom died. I also find it hard to talk to them. Im more alone.
My mom had bowel cancer, and it spread to her ovaries, and then spread to her lungs, liver. The liver cancer cleared up. I don't know what actually let her go in the end. I suppose it was cancer that messed up her body and thinking.
She is diabetic, and the day we took her by ambulance to the hospital, well i thought it was just a diabetic reaction. She was doing the diabetic reaction talk: slurs, mixed up speach etc. I just didn't understand any of it.
As it turned out it was her cancer.
The last night she was alive, I was in the hospital and I have one good memory, that her and i laughed and smiled. She ate a lot too whereas when she was dehydrated i didn't see her laugh or have much of a zeal for life.
I didn't cry or anything when she passed, I was in shock. Numb to my feelings. Im on anti depressants and they don't allow me to cry unless I really do try. I quit them every so often just to let it all out.
How does one deal with losing your best friend who is your mom? I was also her primary caregiver. I just felt suicidal and wanted to be with her again.
I am christian, and i know i have been told over and over that she is in a better place (heaven) helping me and looking down upon me , but Im not certin that is the case. My mom didn't believe in God. and biblically... well i don't know where she went. I would hope Heaven, but i just don't know.