On 8/18/2006 Frustrateddaughter I-l wrote:
I am the daughter in law, my mother in law has stomach, spleen and partial pancreas cancer. I have been her primary caregiver. I am completely frustrated with her children. They are unwilling or unable to do anything for her. They only step up when I completely withdraw, or am unavailable to do whatever she needs. She love me very much and I love her, but she isn't my mother. I am unsure what to do, a therapist told me to do 1/3 of the work she needs done, with mine being the last third after her children do their part. But they wont. She is dying and I feel like I am abandoning her in her time of need. HELP!! any comments are welcome. Thank you!!!
I am having the same situation only it's my Mom. My mother was sent home two weeks ago to die from gall bladder cancer. She requires skilled nursing care and her insurance only covers 20 days and she wanted to go home to die.
My kid brother (30 years old), and my two daughters stepped up and said that they'd each take a day/night and help care for her. I hired a private duty nurse to stay with Mom while I was at work. Well on Dec. 5th I moved her home and since that time - ONCE my daughter spent the night with my Mom. All I want to do is go home, my home and spend time with my husband and everyone is too busy. My kid brother has stopped by twice for about an hour and now informs me that he's busy on Christmas so he'll only spend an hour or so with Mom. I'm tired, very very tired and the entire family has faded into oblivion. I have an older sister who says that her health is too bad to care for Mom.
What happens to those poor people that has no one to care for them. And how do the caregivers survive this? I'm torn, I want to be there for my Mom but I feel totally abandoned.
To top it all off, yesterday hospice informed me that they were revoking my mom because she's having a parenteisis (sp?) weekly to remove the fluid from her abdominal cavity and it's delaying the inevitable and not palliative care.
Hang in there. It just helps to know you aren't truly alone.
Kathy
Oklahoma