My husband of 7 years has been diagnosed with colon cancer for the 3rd time. Most of his lower intestines have been removed; he is a double ostomoy patient. He will be 35 in September. It is in his lungs now, although technically it is still colon cancer. Since there are 8-10 spots that they know of, it is inoperable this time. There will not be a cure. He is in the middle of a 6-month chemotherapy course (Erbitux and Camptosar) to try to slow things down. There is no way for anyone to know exactly how long he will live.
From what he has seen, the oncologist said, "best case scenario, two years."
We have a 6-year-old daughter. She knows something is going on, but I see no point in telling her he is dying until the end becomes more imminent. Since his first diagnosis was when she was an infant, she is quite used to him being in the hospital on and off, going for many doctor visits, and taking lots of medicine. It is the norm as far as she knows.
My problem is I've already begun to emotionally and physically detach myself from him. I cry my eyes out almost daily, but I don't like to do it in front of him. I am so beyond devastated, I can't even put it into words. I find myself wishing he could just go quickly so I could try to put my life back together and move on. The thought of watching him slowly slip away is gut-wrenching. Much of the time I don't want him to come near me in a physical sense. Is this normal? I love him more than life itself, and our daughter thinks he hung the moon. He has been a model patient from day one; he has never complained once. He is an extremely brave man; very well-liked at home, at work, and in our community. He has a heart of gold. The thought of losing this person who is larger than life in my world is too much to comprehend.
Is emotional and physical detachment part of the grieving (or pre-grieving) process? Has anyone else felt this way? I know I am hurting him by not wanting him to touch ne. He can tell I'm not "here," and is having a hard time understanding my behavior.
Does anyone have any input or advice? Thank you for listening.