My dear, you are going to have many emotional ups and downs.. a real rollercoaster. My husband diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma in 200l. He has had surgery, radiation, and Immunotherapy which he was lucky to be in the 15% qho responded. Later when the cancer returned to his lungs he was on erbatux/erolotinib stuby and was lucky to be in the 10% who responded. All I can tell you that helped me was that they are coming up with new treatments all the time, and you are part of the support group.. so take care of yourself too so you can be there for him. It will be one of the hardest jobs you ever do... and still be a good mother to your little girl and keep your own sanity. The only thing I can see about this long ordeal is that you have a chance to say goodbye, and a chance to do some of the things you might have put off doing. But get some support yourself, and there will be groups in your community, church, co-workers, and somewhere you will get little helps here and there and they will continue to be there for you. Just take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time, or one minute at a time... I have been calm and collected, hysterical, composed, fragented, you name it. I have found myself talking to myself outlout in the grocery store.. etc. etc. but everyone has been understanding.. and supportive... I have let my imagination run wild about how this will all turn out, but try not to get too caught up in that.. enough to worry about with just today's worried. As far as emotionally pulling away, that is probably a survivor skill which will help you cope.. and I have read that as people get sicker, they will also pull away, so maybe you'll have to deal with that too. Just remind yourself that you can only do the best you can with the facts you have, and don't beat yourself up by how you "should" be acting. You are the one going through this, and it is a very hard job... Try to build some wonderful memories to sustain you, and concentrate on the here and now.. Sometimes just the smallest thing will make happy memory... We had been married over 40 years when this happened, but he had had to travel a lot during our marriage. For the first time we have had time to do things together... things we never did before, like shopping for groceries, or sooking. so that was a new "good" memory time. So just hang in there. I have been in another support group on the internet that helped a lot, also because you realize you're not alone and many others are dealing with more than you are... and a group from a local church.. But the people at the treatment center have been so great... I know that since we are in our 60's we have a different perspective.. and never thought we'd be here to see our great grand daughter... he was given 3 months when he was first diagnosed... and here we are more than 5 years later. So I guess, we just have to learn to accept life as it comes ane make the most of each minute. And accept that you are going to have a lot of emotions.. and you don't have to feel guilty for them.. If anyone says anything to you, just say "I hope you never have to go through what we're going through and face the decisions that we're facing".. Take care of yourself and your little family and treasure all your memories to sustain you later..
Email is great, and you can have a friend or relative manage your mail if this is too much for you, accept everyone's offers for help, however small, you'll need help just with all the paperwork that will pile up, and get out with girlfriends sometimes, just keep on living so you can be supportive as your husband faces all these challenges... Remember there is always hope... keep believing that. Right now we are looking at which possible treatment will be the best as we continue our journey.. with hope... laters, greatgrandmyginny