Bethinne:
I am reading your message and my heart goes out to you. We lost our dear husband, father, brother, uncle and son to this terrible disease on August 1, 2005 - less than five months from when he was first diagnosed. He gave it a good, strong fight, though. We knew it was difficult news from the first day. Dale chose aggressive treatment, and fought to be on his feet everyday. Some days were just too difficult for my strong husband, though. As his wife, I insisted that he share the prognosis with the family. Although the doctor never gave us a timeline, we knew it was serious, so about 6 weeks into treatment (after the diagnosis), we sat the kids down and had a heart-to-heart. They will tell you today, it was a hard day for them, but they will also tell you how much they appreciated be part of the process. Each child has reacted differently to his death - - part of their own spiritual growth - - but we have muddled through pretty well. Dale is still very much a part of our daily life. We laugh when we think about how much he would have enjoyed this or that; we cry that he's not with us to share the experience; and we say "hello" "goodmorning" and "goodnight" to the multiple pictures around the house. Our middle daughter has taken Dale's favorite antique desk and made it into a Dale shrine - that's her way of dealing with the grief.
I can't tell you that hospice is easy - its not. But the caregivers who were there for us helped. We were officially in hospice only one week before Dale died. He was at home, surrounded by his kids and me (and lots of friends during the days) - and when he died, it was in the middle of the night next to me. His spirit filled the house. We have always felt honored to have had him with us until the very end. The hospitals were so sterile. Home is where we should be when we breathe our last breath.
I suggest you check our PanCan - a truly important advocacy organization for continued research on pancreatic cancer cures, treatments and prevention. www.pancan.org.
Enlist your friends and family to surround you with love and support. Your most important roll now is to help your husband pass with dignity and to help your children say goodbye. These are not easy times for you, but you will remember them with great honor. We are blessed to be there at the birth of life; it is an equal blessing to be there as the candle of life is extinguished.
Post again and I'll respond.