It is NOT just you! I've suffered a number of losses over the past 3 years. My mother was the most recent. Last December, six months after her death, my brother was diagnosed with astrocytoma 3. But, thank God, he's still with us!
I'm just now processing all of this. When I look back on the past year, I'm gasp, and terrorized and horrified at some of the things we endured together.
I've discovered that when one is in crisis, one just does what needs to be done - whether that's to take loved ones for treatment, to provide the care, do chores, pray, or to just visit and comfort.
But when we are doing those things, most of ther other day-to-day interactions and happenings take on an insignificance and become trivial to the point of annoyance. We lose our perspective on life, because we've been emotionally assaulted with such a huge challenge. These challenges take all of your emotional resources - and there's very little to none left for anything else.
My brother, (the one with the brain cancer) really made me realize this. Although he desparately wanted us with him, he could barely stand to be in our company and listen to conversation about "normal" things. He continues to have treatment and is considered to be in remission - but this impatience, intolerance still plagues him - and us, to a lesser extent.
Apologize to your husband and children, but explain to them that you need to lean on them and count on them to understand that your anger is not directed at them, but this is the best you can do right now. I don't think you can expect them to fully understand, because they are not you! But they can wrap their arms around you and I think sometimes we have to ask for that to happen.
I'm, personally VERY bad at this - I expect them to know what I need. That's just not realistic though!
I'm not a shrink - just an observer.
Please know that you're not alone and that - although it's little to no comfort, - know that your reactions are "normal." It's coping with them that is the rub!!!
Will keep you and all in this family in my thoughts and prayers.
Stay in touch through this great site!