Hi, Cindy; thanks for your message. My father is struggling. He also, like your friend, has had a terrible reaction to his RCC treatment. He was on the Sutent. He just seems to be having one complication after another from the Sutent and all of his surgeries (he just had a third surgery). It's very frustrating, because all of the complications he's been having, are things that only happen to 1% of cases (not exaggerating). While on the Sutent, his platelet count dropped to dangerously low levels. He developed an enormous bleed in his abdomen after having a needle aspiration to drain lymph fluid (perhaps from lymph tubules where lymph nodes were removed from his first surgery). He is finally recovering now, but it's very slow. His doctors are now trying to decide what to do next. They are considering the Nexavar. I know my mother wishes he would just stop treatment, and stay home to recover, focusing a lot on nutrition. He doesn't want to give up, though. It's a tough decision. Some people have terrible reactions to the treatments, but who ever wants to give up hope of cure? I know that for me, it's hard to know what to think about what is best, because I never want to give up hope on my father. One part of me wants for him to stay aggressive with treatment. Another part of me, however, worries about him dying from the cancer treatments long before he would die from the cancer--as this is not uncommon. I worry about him being malnurished (a common complication with cancer patients that can become terminal), I worry about unusual complications (as he seems to have a lot of them).
I think for my family, what all of this is going to mean, is getting a second opinion. After all, one never wants to be left wondering, "what if..." We are currently at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN; our oncologist is good, but not exceptional. We are considering getting opinions from MD Anderson, or Slone Kettering, or UCLA (we are told there is a leading RCC researcher there). I want more than anything for my father to live another 25 years. But if that's not possible, then I want the rest of the time he has left, to be as happy and enjoyable as possible. I want him to have the strength and energy again to be able to do the things he loves most: gardening, snow/water skiing, hiking with our dog, working, having big family meals at home with all the relatives, etc. I don't want him to spend the rest of the time he has left, in hospitals. He's already spent 2 of the last four months in different hospitals. It's not a great way to live--especially for an active man.
Even if my father decides eventually to stop treatment, I won't give up hope. We will continue to focus on overall health of mind, body, and spirit. You never know, perhaps that could do almost as much for slowing down the cancer growth. You can always hope for spontaneous remission. Or at least hope for more happy memories with your loved one/best friend. Whatever your friend decides, I think the best thing you can do for the both of you, is to help him keep living--don't let him stop living and enjoying life.