CancerCompass message board discussion started by Middledaughter on 3/26/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,10714,0.htm Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My mother has stage 4 colon cancer.  She seems to have given up.  The problem I am having is dealing with my dad.  If she is having a bad day - he has a bad day and has said several times that he wishes it was him.  The family has been very supportive and trying to help him but our focus has to be her.  The Doctor has put him on prozac.  Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do for him?  I really need him to be more help.  I am the only daughter in town.   Middledaughter Mon, 26 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT My momma was diagnoised with pancreatic cancer stage 4 on January 22, 2007, and just recently passed away on March 2, 2007.  My momma always being the "health queen"!  Exercised and ate correctly.  My daddy has had several health issues.  When she was dianoised he went through the thought process that it should have been him, not her.  When my momma had a good day, daddy was on cloud 9, when she had a bad day, he was in the depths of despair.  Only difference with my dad, his doctor prescribed an antidepressant, and he would not take it.  I just had to keep reminded him that I do not have the energy to keep both him and momma up beat, that I needed his help now more than ever.  I firmly believe that if a cancer "victim" has people around them that are down and depressed, that person will give up!!  I read a book on "HOPE" for cancer patients, and it said to surround yourself, the patient, with positive attitudes.  I would not let ANY negative talk or people around momma during this short time she had with us.  In the end she said that I will never know how much my positive input on this whole ordeal has meant to her.  She said I could be her caregiver ANYTIME!!!  Being a caregiver has been one of the toughtest assignments I have had to deal with, because I love my parents sooooo much, that I wanted to cater to their every need!!  I am a mother of four, all grown-up and out in the world,  but to be able to help my parents when they needed me most, was such a special gift to give back to them.  But your daddy will go through the highs with your mom and the lows as well.  I suggested to daddy that when he felt down, destract yourself.  I would send him on errands to the grocery store, or have some of his friends take him for some coffee.  I recieved a lot of literature on pancreatic cancer and had him read the "survivor" stories.  That seem to help him tremedously!!  I hope this has helped if you need to ask anything else, I will try to help. Sincerely,Karen Lankylucy Tue, 27 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT I am a caregvier to my wife with the same disease/stage.  Fortunately for me she is pretty upbeat and feeling well, having been diagnosed just in January and being relatively young.   I know what helps me as a caregiver is exercise and time with family and friends.  These are the same things that helps my wife.  We are somewhat fortunate in that colon cancer and the chemo treatments are somewhat less debilitating in, at least, the early stage 4 periods than most late stage cancers.If your mom can still travel, take them out, dinners and friends etc.  Travel is possible.  Plan a vacation if that is a possibility at all, because everyone needs something to look forward to.  If your mom is past the earlier phases of stage IV this may not be possible.  If thats the case, just spend time and have nice meals.  The simpler the better.   At least that is what helps my wife.    I hope for the best for you and your family.     Mattncalif Fri, 13 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT