CancerCompass message board discussion started by Heleina on 3/31/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,10885,0.htm Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma just after my birthday last year (2006) in October. I have gone through 11 horrific treatments. I experienced all the side effects including absolutely sickening nausea but now when I have my treatments all I can do is cry, sometimes I get so worked up I can hardly breath and I can't help it. It's as if I can't control what's happening to my body. I feel as if I'm in a body I can't control. Life has been so hard I can't even explain it. What breaks my heart the most is that I can't spend very much quality time with  my 11 month old daughter and I can't walk up the stairs to tuck her in at night or pick her up in the mornings and I'm the first face she she's. I can do these thing's sometimes but never to the best of my ability cause I never have the energy or am not feeling the best. My last chemo has been postponed nearly a week because I was in hospital for a week with the shakes and really high fevers and they still don't know what was the cause. My temperature is still up slightly (but at least I am home, even though I can't get off the couch cause I am so weak) and my specialist said if it does stay up for another 2 weeks he will not give me the last treatment. I am praying that it does stay up so I don't have to have it because I feel as if I just CAN "T do this last one. You're probably thinking, it's just one more, but I just can't do it. I just can't. My mum has been amazing through this whole thing supporting me and helping me look after my little girl. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and I think will ever meet!! Is there anyone who has not comleted all their treatments? Or can just give me a bit of encouragment and support? Life isn't supposed to be like this, I just cry all the time and when I'm not crying I just think about this last treatment constantly and how I can't and don't want to do it. Heleina Sat, 31 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT please check your private messages. i will contact you there. shemay Shemay Sat, 31 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT beleive in god. with god all things are possible. worry about nothing and pray about everything. remember things could always be worse.. be around positive people and think happy thoughts. if you are not in church, visit and ask god to lead and guide you. join a support group at a center. let me know how you are doing. think positve and get rid of the negative. i will keep you and all in this group in prayer. remember god loves you and so do i! tinkerbell   Tinkerbell 1 Sat, 31 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT also get some tranquility and healing cds to help calm you down. look for someone who does healing messages. i was diagnosed with stage4 liver cancer  june 06 and i have claimed my healing from the beginning. i have had chemo since then and am now on zolota chemo pills. sorry yoj are haveing such a time but hang in there. i know all about what you mean. my hubby is on dialysis 3x weekly and my mother like yours is a real jewel. i know you have a beautiful baby. thank god for what you can do count your blessings. they will outweigh the non blessings each time. do the best you can., we have to take each day 1 day at a time and thank god for each day. i know you feel bad but you have got to hang in there. you a lot of reasons to do so. i hope this helps. love, tinkerbell  Tinkerbell 1 Sat, 31 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Friend, I am just starting my first treatment next week I to have HL stage 3 S so I am unsure of how I can make you feel better about treatments.  I can relate to you on having kids I am 30 years old and I have 2 boys 4 month & 4 years.  God will never give up on you and your family.  He is with you at all times even when you don't feel him, he is there.  "I will never forsake you nor leave you."  My dear friend you will feel better it has been a long road for you but there is a light and it will get better.  You do your last treatment maybe they can give you something to relax ?  A year from now your life will be back and you  will be taking your precious child to the park and the sun will beam down on your face and you will say I did it! Lori  --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed.  Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ---- Your Friend Tue, 03 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT hi Lori, Thank-you so much for your message...I had stage 3b. Where abouts are you from? Are you having ABVD? My last chemo is booked in for this Tuesday coming. How are you feeling? I hope you are ok!!! If you need any advice or just someone to talk to please don't hesitate to contact me. I will send you my e-mail address through a private message. Do you have someone to help you with your kids while you are having treatment? You will be just fine!! God is always there ready to listen and so am I. Would love to hear back from youLove Heleinaxoxox Heleina Fri, 06 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT you will get through this. my daughter at 15 had stage 3 hodgkins, she had a year of hell. 6 rounds ofchemo 6 weeks radiation and 5 hospitalizations from fever aand neutropenia, it is a nightmare. just hang in there. where are you being treated?    the side effects are worse than the disease, the steroids made her cry all of the time, how old are you?    write me and you are going to be ok. she had to miss treatments cause her counts were too low also. that means the chemo is working,     take care   jay Jay Jay Mon, 16 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT you can email me directly my daughter had stage 3 too. she had beacopp and 2 rounds of abvd. you are going to be fine . hang in there,       --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed.  Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----        write me i had a year of hell.xxxxxxx  jayne Jay Jay Mon, 16 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT my daughter had stage 3b too last year, 4 rounds of beacopp and 2 rounds of abvd 6 weeks of radiation. where were you treated/   now her blood levels are elevated. her sed or sedinmation and rhuematiod rate are slightly elevated and she needs to see a rheumotologist, we are freaking out, she shows no signs of arthritis or any autoimmune. please e mail me directly f you have had ay of these elevated rates, she is 17 and vert concerned,  thank you  xxxoo     --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed.  Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----         Jay Jay Mon, 16 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT lori hang in there my daughter had stage 3b last year, she had 4 rounds of beacopp and 2 abvd. it will get better, e mail me if you want   --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed.  Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----    hugs to you    jayne Jay Jay Mon, 16 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 3/31/2007 Heleina wrote:I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma just after my birthday last year (2006) in October. I have gone through 11 horrific treatments. I experienced all the side effects including absolutely sickening nausea but now when I have my treatments all I can do is cry, sometimes I get so worked up I can hardly breath and I can't help it. It's as if I can't control what's happening to my body. I feel as if I'm in a body I can't control. Life has been so hard I can't even explain it. What breaks my heart the most is that I can't spend very much quality time with  my 11 month old daughter and I can't walk up the stairs to tuck her in at night or pick her up in the mornings and I'm the first face she she's. I can do these thing's sometimes but never to the best of my ability cause I never have the energy or am not feeling the best. My last chemo has been postponed nearly a week because I was in hospital for a week with the shakes and really high fevers and they still don't know what was the cause. My temperature is still up slightly (but at least I am home, even though I can't get off the couch cause I am so weak) and my specialist said if it does stay up for another 2 weeks he will not give me the last treatment. I am praying that it does stay up so I don't have to have it because I feel as if I just CAN "T do this last one. You're probably thinking, it's just one more, but I just can't do it. I just can't. My mum has been amazing through this whole thing supporting me and helping me look after my little girl. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and I think will ever meet!! Is there anyone who has not comleted all their treatments? Or can just give me a bit of encouragment and support? Life isn't supposed to be like this, I just cry all the time and when I'm not crying I just think about this last treatment constantly and how I can't and don't want to do it. Hello! Neend encouragment.  I know what u are goinging through. I'm with u on feeling weak.stared feb.2001-treament-finished Jan.2002. my mom took me to the DR. everyday, with out her i don't know how i would of made it.What u have to do is give in to the treament let it do it's job.Accept the cancer,just think that you are being treated for an illness.Get alot of rest,that is how the treatment will do it's job.While on treatment do not eat meat and sugar,they say cancer cells like red meat and sugar,your diet maybe soup,alot of green vegtables,lots of grapes(antioxcidents),cornmeal for strength.You should of been taking nusea pills before each treament,and have a perscription for stool softner(prevent cinstipation from one of the chemo druges)Give all your pain and problems to your God and say I cannot deal with all of this,and so I give it all up to you,carry me in time of trouble,and so let everything go from you,your God now has it.If u went through the stages of dying,u know maybe at one point u bargin to feel better in exchange for somthing,then it's time to accept your God and let known that u are ready without fear even if u maybe leaving your child behind,when u show no fear only then will u start to heal.I beleive that is why I am still here today.The hard times for me was when everone went to work and I was home alone to get out og bed to heat up the food that was left foe me,climbing the stairs and sitting on the toilet hurt so much i to had my share of tears.So I leave u to think about this,u are making yourself sick with the fever and only u can fix it within, peace and strength to u from one to another. Feelforu45678 Sat, 21 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 3/31/2007 Heleina wrote:I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma just after my birthday last year (2006) in October. I have gone through 11 horrific treatments. I experienced all the side effects including absolutely sickening nausea but now when I have my treatments all I can do is cry, sometimes I get so worked up I can hardly breath and I can't help it. It's as if I can't control what's happening to my body. I feel as if I'm in a body I can't control. Life has been so hard I can't even explain it. What breaks my heart the most is that I can't spend very much quality time with  my 11 month old daughter and I can't walk up the stairs to tuck her in at night or pick her up in the mornings and I'm the first face she she's. I can do these thing's sometimes but never to the best of my ability cause I never have the energy or am not feeling the best. My last chemo has been postponed nearly a week because I was in hospital for a week with the shakes and really high fevers and they still don't know what was the cause. My temperature is still up slightly (but at least I am home, even though I can't get off the couch cause I am so weak) and my specialist said if it does stay up for another 2 weeks he will not give me the last treatment. I am praying that it does stay up so I don't have to have it because I feel as if I just CAN "T do this last one. You're probably thinking, it's just one more, but I just can't do it. I just can't. My mum has been amazing through this whole thing supporting me and helping me look after my little girl. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and I think will ever meet!! Is there anyone who has not comleted all their treatments? Or can just give me a bit of encouragment and support? Life isn't supposed to be like this, I just cry all the time and when I'm not crying I just think about this last treatment constantly and how I can't and don't want to do it.message and felt like I needed to write you, I have never done this before, but I feel like we have alot in common. I was diagnosed Christmas 2005 started treatments Jan 2006...radiation April 2006....I am a hair stylist, I lost my job that I worked so hard to get, lost my hair, lost hope but most of all lost faith. I have a wonderful support system. The doctors told me 99.9% chance I would never have children....my heart broke, my boyfriend of 3 years I could see was upset as well....I've wanted children always and now I waited too long and can't. I was so mad at God. I had given up. My boyfriend kept telling me to have faith...he proposed to me .....I wanted to wait until my hair grew back before we set a date...he kept my spirit high. We started to go back to church...I was still mad.....I really wanted children....everyday I got radation I prayed...please just let me give Tony a child. Well here it is May 2007....I am due in 2 weeks with a boy....no we are not married and I wish we were but the Lord did bless us with a chil like I prayed for,,,,the problem? I cry all the time, I think the cancer is back and I wouldn't let them run any test until after he is born...... I am scared too. June 2007 I go in 2 weeks after he is born....will I be able to watch him grow? I don't want him to know me the past 2 years....I want him to know the fun, loving Jen.....where did she go? FAITH....have it.....we can do it!  We need to be strong not only for ourselves but for those who love us....imagine what they are going through as well...having to watch this ugly disease take control of our lives.....FIGHT be strong and have FAITH. I read your Jenn123 Mon, 14 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Jay Jay,I am doing good, the treatments are not effecting me to bad.  I live in Caribou, Maine.  I went to Boston and are following there advice to a tea.  I am very blessed and have a lot of support.  I am on my 5th treatment and have 7 left.  My pet scan is scheduled in 6 weeks to see if there are any lumps left.  I still feel some lumps, so I am hoping 3 more treatments will do the trick.  Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.  I am hoping to have only 12 ABVD treatments.  They did say I may need radiation if the pet scan comes back with bad news.  How did your daughter handle radiation.  How long and many times did she have to go?  What other problems did she have if you don't mind me asking?   Lori Your Friend Fri, 15 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT I know it has been a long while since you posted your message. My daughter who was diagnosed 11/06 after her 16th birthday in October had eBEACOP and 3 weeks of radiation. She is now 8 months out of all treatment and I was just wondering how your daughter was doing since they both had kind of the same treatment.  Randi (my daughter) did not have the ABVD though and she did 4 rounds of the eBEACOP.  I worry about her so much so I can relate to you worring about your daughter especially if her sed rates are high.  Randi's has only gotten to 40 so far and last time we checked they were at 20 but we do scans again in December.  She was stage IVae.  Laurie Boldelly Wed, 28 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT I had NHL and still do.  I developed HL 4 yrs. ago.  My chemo and radiation were hell.  I had radiation from the tip of my nose to the middle of my chest.  I have permanent damage to the upper lungs.  I had Bleomycin toxicity.  If I had waited 2 more days at home they would not have been able to save me.  My mouth and throat were trashed.  I couldn't taste for like 8 months or more.  I have chronic dry mouth and lips.  I have scar tissue from Gerd.  But I am buoyed by all the long remissions I have read about.  My Onc. said it was very treatable and curable.  Yeah! The treatments took away my NHL too but it was back in less than a year.  I have had treatments for it 2 more times.  It is incurable.  My indolent, that you can live with for years, has morphed into grade 3 and is very aggressive and won't respond to treatment.  I still have NHL and my immune system is worn out.  I can't have any more treatments at all.  All I can do is have CT/scans to see how fast it is growing.  I wish the HL had never come or that it was the only L that I had.  Then I would have had a chance to have a life.  Now it is all up to God.  I have been severely weak since Dec. and have bronchitis for the 3rd time and my 6th UTI.  Antibiotics turn my mouth raw and I get thrush.  I've been on them since Dec.  I have had blood transfusions about 4 times.  I have pretty much of a non-life.You can expect depression because it affects the chemical changes in your brain.  See someone to help get the chemical balance back.  I feel much better but my damage was bad.  I am so physically  unbalanced that I can't walk straight, I fall down a lot and have to use a walker.  I can't drive anymore and my memory is a joke.  But I am still here.  So get a grip, see whomever you need to see and get your life back.  Be one of those long time survivors.  Do it for me because I can't.  Love You!Kitty  GrammaKitty Sun, 04 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT