CancerCompass message board discussion started by Daughters Love on 4/23/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,11518,0.htm Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I watching my father die and I can't handle it. He is only 56 and has cancer in both his lungs, his liver and spine. He was just diagnosed in February and they tried treatment but had to stop because his body couldn't handle it. He is fading so fast it unbearable. Every week he get skinnier and weaker. They keep trying to strengthen his pain medicine and now he's on morphine because it hurts so bad. Yesterday my parents bought his casket and vault so my mom wouldn't have to worry about it. I can't believe there's nothing left we can do - I am so angry. My mom....she is 53 and trying to be strong too but it's so hard for her. He is the love of her life and she doesn't want to live without him. My children are young, my daughter is only 8 months old. I wanted her to have her own memories. He was given 2-4 months and we are just hoping we get that long with him. Right now it seems like we are on borrowed time. My heart aches so bad - I can't sleep, My only peace is researching all night about new ways of fighting cancer but I am running out of time. Daughters Love Mon, 23 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/23/2007 Daughters Love wrote:I watching my father die and I can't handle it. He is only 56 and has cancer in both his lungs, his liver and spine. He was just diagnosed in February and they tried treatment but had to stop because his body couldn't handle it. He is fading so fast it unbearable. Every week he get skinnier and weaker. They keep trying to strengthen his pain medicine and now he's on morphine because it hurts so bad. Yesterday my parents bought his casket and vault so my mom wouldn't have to worry about it. I can't believe there's nothing left we can do - I am so angry. My mom....she is 53 and trying to be strong too but it's so hard for her. He is the love of her life and she doesn't want to live without him. My children are young, my daughter is only 8 months old. I wanted her to have her own memories. He was given 2-4 months and we are just hoping we get that long with him. Right now it seems like we are on borrowed time. My heart aches so bad - I can't sleep, My only peace is researching all night about new ways of fighting cancer but I am running out of time.I too am a daughter in distress.  My Dad was just diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer and yesterday we learned that it is also on the spine.  When my daughter was born we enjoyed having five living generations.  Through 26 years that has fallen to three, my daughter has a four month old girl.  When Sadie was born my Dad said that he hoped to live long enough to take her hand and walk her down to the creek and teach her to skip rocks.  I know exactly how you feel.  You feel cheated for yourself, your mom and your children.  You are right to feel that way because it's true.  I am trying to be as pro-active as possible at this point, even though the future looks grim.  I was only 4 when my great-grandfather died of cancer and I have vague memories, however, through photos and stories told by my family I feel as if I really knew him well.  Make sure that you have plenty of photos and videos if possible.  Write down all of the memories that YOU have of your Dad, do it now.  Keep his name in conversations.  We lost a 16 year old daughter a few years ago and my mom and grandmom three years ago.  After the tears and physical pain you will go to bed one night and realize - hey, I didn't cry today - then you'll cry because you feel awful that you didn't.  This will eventually change and the sweet memories will flood over you.  Write them down too.  I've found great solace in just banging away on the computer.  I write letters to "God" and looking back on them I've discovered that at first I was so angry.  Later on the anger became less and the realization that my Daddy wasn't going to live to be a very old man as we had hoped.  He's enjoyed excellent health till now.  Your Dad is in a bad way for sure.  A dear friend lived with us during his last three months of battling cancer.  His family was quite small and lived far away.  By staying with us he still had his "community" where his friends and lodge brothers could visit him.  Encourage your Dad's friends to visit, even if you think that he is asleep.  We really don't know how much a person is aware of, especially under medication.  Now is the time for courage.  Your Dad is my age.  My Dad will be 77 in July.  We will always be "Daddy's Little Girl" regardless of what age.  Be with him as much as you can, talk to him, hold him.  Talk to your Mom too, I can understand her pain because the boy she fell in love with is going to leave her.  I will pray for you all, miracles do happen and when you or your loved one is ill you can't pray for yourself so others do it for you.  It doesn't matter if you worship a turnip or Jesus or whatever.  Prayers are prayers.  Try to look nice for you Dad, maybe a little lipstick.  Put his favorite aftershave on your Dad and tell your Mom to do the same.  Be with him when the end is near, you won't regret it.  It is an honor and privilege to care for our loved ones and in the future you will look back and realize that by doing so it made you more self assured and a better parent.  Believe it or not, some things are worse than death.  To see my Dad in pain and his only relief is a drug that takes his mind to places that I cannot go is awful.  Remind your Mom (and yourself) that she will always have him with her.  Just looking into your face and the faces of their grandchildren.  Your Dad has sown the seeds of this life and you all are his harvest.  Make him proud.  Carpenters Daughter Mon, 23 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT This is so beautifully said. A very helpful message even though I'm sure there will not be a dry eye reading it. Thank you Carpenters Daughter QUOTE...... I too am a daughter in distress. My Dad was just diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer and yesterday we learned that it is also on the spine. When my daughter was born we enjoyed having five living generations. Through 26 years that has fallen to three, my daughter has a four month old girl. When Sadie was born my Dad said that he hoped to live long enough to take her hand and walk her down to the creek and teach her to skip rocks. I know exactly how you feel. You feel cheated for yourself, your mom and your children. You are right to feel that way because it's true. I am trying to be as pro-active as possible at this point, even though the future looks grim. I was only 4 when my great-grandfather died of cancer and I have vague memories, however, through photos and stories told by my family I feel as if I really knew him well. Make sure that you have plenty of photos and videos if possible. Write down all of the memories that YOU have of your Dad, do it now. Keep his name in conversations. We lost a 16 year old daughter a few years ago and my mom and grandmom three years ago. After the tears and physical pain you will go to bed one night and realize - hey, I didn't cry today - then you'll cry because you feel awful that you didn't. This will eventually change and the sweet memories will flood over you. Write them down too. I've found great solace in just banging away on the computer. I write letters to "God" and looking back on them I've discovered that at first I was so angry. Later on the anger became less and the realization that my Daddy wasn't going to live to be a very old man as we had hoped. He's enjoyed excellent health till now. Your Dad is in a bad way for sure. A dear friend lived with us during his last three months of battling cancer. His family was quite small and lived far away. By staying with us he still had his "community" where his friends and lodge brothers could visit him. Encourage your Dad's friends to visit, even if you think that he is asleep. We really don't know how much a person is aware of, especially under medication. Now is the time for courage. Your Dad is my age. My Dad will be 77 in July. We will always be "Daddy's Little Girl" regardless of what age. Be with him as much as you can, talk to him, hold him. Talk to your Mom too, I can understand her pain because the boy she fell in love with is going to leave her. I will pray for you all, miracles do happen and when you or your loved one is ill you can't pray for yourself so others do it for you. It doesn't matter if you worship a turnip or Jesus or whatever. Prayers are prayers. Try to look nice for you Dad, maybe a little lipstick. Put his favorite aftershave on your Dad and tell your Mom to do the same. Be with him when the end is near, you won't regret it. It is an honor and privilege to care for our loved ones and in the future you will look back and realize that by doing so it made you more self assured and a better parent. Believe it or not, some things are worse than death. To see my Dad in pain and his only relief is a drug that takes his mind to places that I cannot go is awful. Remind your Mom (and yourself) that she will always have him with her. Just looking into your face and the faces of their grandchildren. Your Dad has sown the seeds of this life and you all are his harvest. Make him proud. Shemay Mon, 23 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT I am another daughter seeking hope. My dad died Friday, April 20th, 2007 at home with his family. I watched his weight fall dramitically, I watched his once healthy appetite become non-exsistant. I talked to him, cried with him, sang with him and slept near him. With my step-mother, I bathed him, changed him, shaved him and in the end, diapered him.  I can't tell you that death came easy for his family, even with all the pain he was in.  I watched him falter for 8 monthes with Liver cancer.  We ( his family) know that he is in a better place, we know his is no longer in pain. He have repeated the words over and over for 2 days.  And those words do help some. While my three kids are older, they will never really know Grandpa.  My youngest is only 7, but she holds him in her heart. Her innocent, kind words fill me with hope. Driving away from the house my dad once called home, with tears spilling onto my cheeks and shirt, my little girl said "don't worry Mom, now we don't have to leave him here when we go home, he can be with us there too".  The cancer robbed my dad of everything he was in life. Cook, gardener, chauffuer to his wife, painter, math whiz and so much more. But it taught me that life is precious. More so than I ever thought. Good luck. Appreciate every second you have. Write his words down. Remember his jokes. My dad jokes helped us laugh together Friday night. Come back often. I don't normally post, but just reading helps me.  Threekids Mon, 23 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT I'm so very sorry for your sadness. Cancer is a terrible disease. As a survivor of this awful illness, I will pray for you and your family. WellYesMom.com Wellyesmom Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT I am so sorry for your pain and that of your family. I recently lost my Dad to bladder cancer on March 27. He was a cancer patient for less than 2 months. It came and took him so quickly and unfairly, that none of us were prepared for losing him so soon. He was a healthy and energetic Dad, husband, and Grandfather one day and a frail, weak cancer patient the next (literally). I understand exactly how you feel right now as I too went through all of those same feelings. It actually has a name, anticipatory grief. It can be almost as bad and painful as when the time actually comes, but unfortunately does not lessen your grief when the end does come. I am not trying to despair you, but rather prepare you . All you can do is try to let him know how much you love him and enjoy him and be with him (if you can). If you can't, just be sure to tell him you love him each day (even if your Mom has to hold the phone to his ear). I tried to spend as much time as possible with my Dad during the month and a half that we had from hearing the most dreaded "C" word (we lived 2 hours from each other). Unfortunately, I did not make it to the hospital to be with him at the end. I truly believe that the denial of the whole ordeal wouldn't allow me to truly believe that it was the end. I thought I had a few more hours to get there but sepsis had set in and cancer took him away 2 hours too soon. I am still in denial and actually am okay with that. I am not prepared, nor do I wish to just yet, to accept that he is actually gone. I lost my Dad and my best friend all in 1 day. You can be strong for your Dad and Mom and family, but remember to allow yourself the chance to grieve, even now before the end, when you can (I spent/spend alot of time in the shower or alone in my car crying and yelling). I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight. Please email/post/whatever if you want to talk more. Kathie Bevich Suter  Kathieb Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT You mentioned you were researching. My husband beat lymphoma with something he found on cancertutor.com. High pH cesium therapy. If you have questions feel free to send me a private message. Blessings. Calgal Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT How did you cope with watching your father go downhill. I have been sick the last week and have not been able to go and see him. I am getting better and hope to see him saturday however, my husband took the kids over to see him tonight and said he had looked like he was having a rough time and wasn't able to even get out of bed. He said he looks really bad now. My heart just sank - I know we are on borrowed time but I can't help feeling angry....I feel as we are being robbed of time with him. How do I explain this to my 6 year old son - Papa is his best friend. We are going to move the hospital bed in the living room this weekend at his request so he can lie down and rest and still be with everyone. I don't know how I am going to handle seeing him lie in that bed. My husband said my mother looks worn out and she insists on being the one to take care of him. I am worried about her too. I feel like crying all the time. Daughters Love Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT I have always been daddy's little girl and I think that is making it even harder. I only live about 20 minutes away from him but my father and I have always been able to sit and talk for hours on the phone. I have alot of his features and every time I look in the mirror lately reminds me of him and I want to sit and cry. My brother is still single and right now he is going through the anger phase. That is how he has always dealt with death in the family. He had it set in his mind that we were going to find someway for dad to get better but so far we haven't had that much luck at all. I feel I'm grabbing at straws sometimes when I am researching his cancer and I never get the answer I am looking for but right now it the only thing keeping me together. My mind stays on him every minute of the day and I can't seem to get past the anger of knowing all the things he will not be here for it just consumes me. I worry about my daughter not remembering who he is. He is such a wonderful man - I have always quoted my father sayings - I have learned alot from his wisdom and forever will be grateful for all the things he's taught me. I know how truly blessed I am for my father and yet I feel punished because he's being taken from me soooo soon. How do you let go when all you want to do is hold on? Daughters Love Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hang on and don't let go. I still talk to my Dad every day. I say good morning every dawn, and goodnight and I miss you every evening. He is still my Dad and still my best friend. DO whatever it is that makes you feel better, even if it feels useless. I sat and researched my Dad's cancer (bladder, stage 4), sometimes all day. Somehow just learning about it made me feel like I was doing something. I too am worried that my daughter (7) and son (5) will forget their Mumma (yes, that's what they called their grandfather!). I tell them each night as they go to sleep that Mumma is watching over them and misses them (my daughter, however, is still not ready to talk or hear about Mumma; she tells herself that he is in another room when we are at his house because the kids are being too loud-her way of dealing, I guess). I think that as long as I am here to tell stories about my Dad, they will remember and know him. I know it is really hard to watch the man who was always the strongest man you knew fall to cancer. I am aching for you. That was one of the hardest things for me. I can tell myself now that my Dad was still the strongest man in the world just caught within a body that was failing him. THe only advice I can give is to just love him. If that means sitting there and holding his hand quietly then do that. I sat one night in the hospital rubbing my Dad's arm for quite a long time before I even realized that it was his left arm, the one that was numb due to the lesion in his brain having caused bleeding and stroke symtoms. It didn't matter though, I kept on rubbing it. Today is 1 month since my Dad and best friend went. I am actually on my way to several urologists and oncologists offices to ask them to display brochures from the Bladder Cancer ADvocacy Network. SOmething that allows me to feel like I am doing something worthwhile about cancer. Whatever works, I guess. As I sit and type this message and cry for my Dad, I am crying for all of you who are fighting this awful disease. Try to rememer that although it can take our bodies from us, it cannot take our spirit. Remmeber your Dad and others will not be able to forget. I will keep you in my thoughts. Kathie B Suter Kathieb Fri, 27 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT I would like to suggest you to try this product called 'AGEL'. It is an American product. Just try the UMI, EXO and FIT. Feel free to visit my website at http://www.syokniaga.com/agel to find more about the product.  This UMI got some ingredient called Fucoidan which can help to boost up the immune system by increasing the number of white cells in the body and it can also help to regnerate new cells that cancer patient's need. EXO might help to prevent harmful oxidation process which may deteriotare the human's cells.  FIT will help to flush out unwanted stuff from the body including fats and many more.They are all in gel form which will allow the body to absorb them much easier compared to pills.That's all I can help. Give them a try.Hopefully your father will recover. KAMAL      Kamal Fri, 27 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/23/2007 Carpenters Daughter wrote: On 4/23/2007 Daughters Love wrote:I watching my father die and I can't handle it. He is only 56 and has cancer in both his lungs, his liver and spine. He was just diagnosed in February and they tried treatment but had to stop because his body couldn't handle it. He is fading so fast it unbearable. Every week he get skinnier and weaker. They keep trying to strengthen his pain medicine and now he's on morphine because it hurts so bad. Yesterday my parents bought his casket and vault so my mom wouldn't have to worry about it. I can't believe there's nothing left we can do - I am so angry. My mom....she is 53 and trying to be strong too but it's so hard for her. He is the love of her life and she doesn't want to live without him. My children are young, my daughter is only 8 months old. I wanted her to have her own memories. He was given 2-4 months and we are just hoping we get that long with him. Right now it seems like we are on borrowed time. My heart aches so bad - I can't sleep, My only peace is researching all night about new ways of fighting cancer but I am running out of time.I too am a daughter in distress.  My Dad was just diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer and yesterday we learned that it is also on the spine.  When my daughter was born we enjoyed having five living generations.  Through 26 years that has fallen to three, my daughter has a four month old girl.  When Sadie was born my Dad said that he hoped to live long enough to take her hand and walk her down to the creek and teach her to skip rocks.  I know exactly how you feel.  You feel cheated for yourself, your mom and your children.  You are right to feel that way because it's true.  I am trying to be as pro-active as possible at this point, even though the future looks grim.  I was only 4 when my great-grandfather died of cancer and I have vague memories, however, through photos and stories told by my family I feel as if I really knew him well.  Make sure that you have plenty of photos and videos if possible.  Write down all of the memories that YOU have of your Dad, do it now.  Keep his name in conversations.  We lost a 16 year old daughter a few years ago and my mom and grandmom three years ago.  After the tears and physical pain you will go to bed one night and realize - hey, I didn't cry today - then you'll cry because you feel awful that you didn't.  This will eventually change and the sweet memories will flood over you.  Write them down too.  I've found great solace in just banging away on the computer.  I write letters to "God" and looking back on them I've discovered that at first I was so angry.  Later on the anger became less and the realization that my Daddy wasn't going to live to be a very old man as we had hoped.  He's enjoyed excellent health till now.  Your Dad is in a bad way for sure.  A dear friend lived with us during his last three months of battling cancer.  His family was quite small and lived far away.  By staying with us he still had his "community" where his friends and lodge brothers could visit him.  Encourage your Dad's friends to visit, even if you think that he is asleep.  We really don't know how much a person is aware of, especially under medication.  Now is the time for courage.  Your Dad is my age.  My Dad will be 77 in July.  We will always be "Daddy's Little Girl" regardless of what age.  Be with him as much as you can, talk to him, hold him.  Talk to your Mom too, I can understand her pain because the boy she fell in love with is going to leave her.  I will pray for you all, miracles do happen and when you or your loved one is ill you can't pray for yourself so others do it for you.  It doesn't matter if you worship a turnip or Jesus or whatever.  Prayers are prayers.  Try to look nice for you Dad, maybe a little lipstick.  Put his favorite aftershave on your Dad and tell your Mom to do the same.  Be with him when the end is near, you won't regret it.  It is an honor and privilege to care for our loved ones and in the future you will look back and realize that by doing so it made you more self assured and a better parent.  Believe it or not, some things are worse than death.  To see my Dad in pain and his only relief is a drug that takes his mind to places that I cannot go is awful.  Remind your Mom (and yourself) that she will always have him with her.  Just looking into your face and the faces of their grandchildren.  Your Dad has sown the seeds of this life and you all are his harvest.  Make him proud.  I would like to suggest you to recommend to those patients who are having cancer problems to try this product called 'AGEL'. It is an American product. Just try the UMI, EXO and FIT. Feel free to visit my website at http://www.syokniaga.com/agel to find more about the product.  This UMI got some ingredient called Fucoidan which can help to boost up the immune system by increasing the number of white cells in the body and it can also help to regnerate new cells that cancer patient's need. EXO might help to prevent harmful oxidation process which may deteriotare the human's cells.  FIT will help to flush out unwanted stuff from the body including fats and many more.They are all in gel form which will allow the body to absorb them much easier compared to pills.That's all I can suggest. Give them a try. Hopefully it will help to heal the patients.We will not know until we try while we still have the time to try. KAMAL  Kamal Fri, 27 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT daughter's love- is your dad on hospice? my mom is on hospice and they gave us a booklet that answers a lot of questions about what's going to happen.. they also gave my brother, who has a three year old son, a children's book to help him understand what is happening.. they said to be honest.. (i don't know how much time your dad has left) ..if he is on hospice, please utilize their services. Mellfish Tue, 01 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Daughter's Love, I don't want to give false hope, but you may want to try the flaxseed oil/cottage cheese protocol. It certainly won't do any harm, and there is anecdotal evidence of some dramatic remissions. God bless you and your family Helen L Helenl Tue, 01 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT I went to see my father today....It's so hard to watch him change so fast. My mother told me the nurses are going to start coming every day next week and that we have about two weeks left with him. My heart just sank...they gave him 2-4 months in April and I was grasping for a least 4more months and now it doesn't look like we are going to get even 2 months with him. He was looking straight at me today with his big sad eyes and then turned to my aunt and asked where I was. I was sitting on floor in front of him. I know it hurts him to know he will not be here to see my children grow up - my son(6) told him " I love you papa, when you love someone you carry them in your heart and when you die, I will carry you in my heart". I was completely stunned to hear my son say that..he is such a big little boy. I started crying later thinking about what he said and he looked at me and said "Don't crying mommy...your dad will always be in your heart and when I get older you can call me dad if it will make you better". He has the biggest heart! He really helps me through this and it really should be the other way around. Today I actually sat and sobbed which I been trying to hold it in but it wasn't happening today. I think it hit home when my mother started asking advise about getting dad's suit cleaned and ready. I know this is destroying my mother. She has taken a long leave of absence from work to try and spend every minute left with him. I was relieved to hear she had because I know it was hard for her to work and worry each day.He has stopped eating and drinking. He can sit up a little and I can't help but fall apart when I look over at him and he is just sitting there, staring about me with those sad, tired eyes. It feels like he is trying to draw me in his memory so it will last a lifetime when he's gone. I can't seem to make peace with it..I have always been daddy's girl, he has always called me "sisser" and when he's gone I will never hear that name again. I am falling apart and can't seem to hold ground.   Daughters Love Sat, 05 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT I wish I knew what to tell you, how to make this unbearable experience more bearable. But I don't. There is nothing that I can say or do to make it easier on you. I do though find some comfort in talking to others who had gone through the same thing with their Dad. In some way jsut hearing about someone else in the same horrible "group" makes me feel less alone perhaps. I am still in denial and allow myself this. I can talk about my Dad and about him dying, but cannot (and will not) talk about or think about the actual process and thoughts of the future wihtout him. I get sick and dizzy and overwhelmed. I cannot even do this with my brother or Mom. It feels like my family disappeared when my Dad went away. I am hoping this is just some part of all of our's denial. Perhaps talking out loud just makes it too real. THis is OK with me for now though. I am in no rush to get there. THe only thing I can say is I am so sorry. THe pain you are going through is the same pain I am going through and I know it sucks so bad that you just want to scream and yell and run away. Just be there and hold his hand and talk to him even if he doesn't realize it as you are doing it. He is in there somewhere and cancer cannot take that from you or him. His frail body and what seems like slipping mind is not your Daddy it is the cancer. Don't let it take these moments from you. THough it is these thoughts that haunt you now, they will bring you some sort of comfort in the future, just knowing that you were there with him. It's ahrd, I know. My Dad went from about 210 lbs. to less than 160 lbs. in less than 2 months. His strong arms that always held me up were no longer there and I was the one holding him up, helping him to simply walk. But I tell myself and I know that he was still the stronger person in that room. I know that in his mind and in mine he was strong one and I was his daughter. Oh God, this sucks so bad. Please, please, please know that I am thinking of you and your pain each day. I am still there with you and only wish I could bring you some comfort. Hold on tightly. Kathie Bevich Suter  Kathieb Sun, 06 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT Our fight is now over. My dad passed away May 9, 2007. Today, I am preparing to go to his funeral. It happened so fast, just the way he wanted to. When they told us we had 24-48 hours left-that he was starting to shut down...we only ended up having 2-1/2 hours. I was holding his arm when he decided to let go....it's a strange feeling. He was there when I came into this world and I was there when he went out. I walk around so numb - I seen a older man walking on my way home this morning from my parents house to get ready and I started to sob -- my dad will never get to be that older man walking. It's been the hardest 3 days of my life. Daughters Love Sat, 12 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Friend, I am so truly sorry for the loss you are going through. I cannot tell you what to expect becasue it is probably a little different for us all. As a daughter who just went through this only 6 weeks ago I know how horribly hurt you feel. I wish there was more to say but unfortunately I don't know what that would be. You are in my thoughts, as well as is your Dad. It feels weird to say it because I don't really know who you are or where you are, but if there is anything I could do to help, perhaps just talking through this site, please let me know.  Today I am crying for both of us. WIth my deepest sympathy, Kathie Bevich Suter Kathieb Sat, 12 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT