CancerCompass message board discussion started by Chi-girl on 5/14/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,12037,0.htm Mon, 08 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mon, 08 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My father was recently diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer with metastasis to liver, lymphnodes, stomach, abdominal lining.  Although he seems to be doing okay emotionally, my mother seems to be in denial.  She will not discuss with him getting his affairs in order and continues to talk about getting better and future events they will attend together.  I know that denial is part of the process and that I cannot make her progress out of this step, but it is not helpful to my father.  He is concerned about what will happen to her when he is gone and needs to know that she understands and will be okay.  His time is limited due to the advanced progression of his disease and the aggressiveness of the cancer spread.  Any advice is most appreciated. Chi-girl Mon, 14 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT The only thing I can suggest is 'prayer' for your mom.  She has to be so afraid of facing the future that she can not even think about it.  It must be like trying to push a frighten child into a dark room after having a bad dream.  I am caregiver for a close friend and we are really walking 'thru the valley of the shadows of death'.  I am finding that I need Jesus more and more each day.  This is so hard on your heart.  Be prayerful. Maryvan59 Mon, 14 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 5/14/2007 Maryvan59 wrote:The only thing I can suggest is 'prayer' for your mom.  She has to be so afraid of facing the future that she can not even think about it.  It must be like trying to push a frighten child into a dark room after having a bad dream.  I am caregiver for a close friend and we are really walking 'thru the valley of the shadows of death'.  I am finding that I need Jesus more and more each day.  This is so hard on your heart.  Be prayerful. Thanks for your message.  I like your analogy of trying to push a frightened child into a dark room after a bad dream.  Thank you.  I will remind myself of this when I become frustrated with my mom.  As for prayers, well, of course.  One can never have too many prayers. Chi-girl Mon, 14 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT I am a caregiver for my boyfriend, we've been waiting to be together for 2 years, as I was finishing school.  Just before I was planning to move to where he was, he was diagnosed, so I can totally understand where your mom is coming from.  It definitely does feel like being forced into a dark room after a nightmare.  I know full well that there is NO cure for his kidney cancer but want him to try any and all meds. available to slow the cancer down.  He on the other hand is reluctant.  I do the same thing as your mom does, like including him in things "we will do in the future" I know it sounds crazy but maybe that is her way to keep him strong as what I feel that I'm doing by including him.  I hope that coming from someone who is going through somewhat of the same thing as your mom you may understand a little more of how she feels....... Cancer sucks and is a VERY scary thing!!!!!!!! Cindy611 Thu, 17 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT