CancerCompass message board discussion started by Merrilee on 7/13/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,14318,0.htm Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I have gone through counseling, I have talked with family members and have started a garden and I am just empty.  I hurt.  I sleep.  I am depressed and I don't want pills.  I am a 38 year old mother of three and being strong for my husband's four year battle has left me winded and weak.  I am lonely and sometimes scared.  We were supposed to grow old together and raise our children together.  Our children are 12, 10 and 2 years old.  I think perhaps I need to just cry and be alone and then maybe come out.  I have been asked if I have started dating or told I need to move on.  How cold.  I have been told ............"What would your husband say to you now- if he could talk to you?"  That hurts so much more to even think.  I know he is in a better place without the cancer but now I feel like someone has dropped me out of a plane into some strange country.  People will see me and some will cry and want me to comfort them and I just do not understand.  I choose to stay home or away from people.  I would like to ask you as I have the Creator....... how long does this last and when will I feel a little better?  Thank you for your time.Merrilee Merrilee Fri, 13 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/13/2007 Merrilee wrote:I have gone through counseling, I have talked with family members and have started a garden and I am just empty.  I hurt.  I sleep.  I am depressed and I don't want pills.  I am a 38 year old mother of three and being strong for my husband's four year battle has left me winded and weak.  I am lonely and sometimes scared.  We were supposed to grow old together and raise our children together.  Our children are 12, 10 and 2 years old.  I think perhaps I need to just cry and be alone and then maybe come out.  I have been asked if I have started dating or told I need to move on.  How cold.  I have been told ............"What would your husband say to you now- if he could talk to you?"  That hurts so much more to even think.  I know he is in a better place without the cancer but now I feel like someone has dropped me out of a plane into some strange country.  People will see me and some will cry and want me to comfort them and I just do not understand.  I choose to stay home or away from people.  I would like to ask you as I have the Creator....... how long does this last and when will I feel a little better?  Thank you for your time.MerrileeDear Merrilee, I am so sorry for your loss .I know it will take a lot of time to recoverfrom such a sad thing. But you have 3 beautiful children to live and try to be happy for . I cannot begin to imagine how you feel but time will heal slowly.I have my husband suffering from EC * Esophagus Cancer) andI feel helpless but just hope all the time he will be well. He is in hospital been there since 29th May he was 65yrs yesterday.. I dread to think of anything happening to him. So I know you must feel totally lost without your beloved husband. Hang in there and it will get better , but it will take a lot of time.I pray for you and your children.Be strong.Kind thoughts Mary   Marymint Sun, 15 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT I sit here with tears in my eyes reading your post, searching my heart for words that could help you somehow. I hope people are right when they say it gets easier. I don't know, I haven't been through it but I think it must. Hang in there and just do the best you can. God bless you. Sputnik Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT I still have my husband but have been caring for him for 15 years. What you are going through is every carers nightmare.WHAT DO I DO?? They say time is a great healer and i do believe that, but i can imagine it being hard at the moment. Your husband is still with you through your children. I am a strong believer that they are with you in spirit. Talk to him when you feel lonely. He would not like you to be unhappy it is hard but things will get better i am sure. You have been strong for your husband and you will be strong for your children. As they grow you can feel proud as your husband would in what you have achieved.My thoughts and prayers are with you.KEEP STRONG XX bessmeg Wed, 05 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT