CancerCompass message board discussion started by Darcy r on 7/18/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,14464,0.htm Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I'm wondering if anyone else has have this experience? Friends and relatives pretending it never happened or when they run the other way. I'm working on letting go of this but it hurts. To take it personally is wrong. I have a hard time understanding it. Darcy R. Darcy r Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/18/2007 Darcy r wrote:I'm wondering if anyone else has have this experience? Friends and relatives pretending it never happened or when they run the other way. I'm working on letting go of this but it hurts. To take it personally is wrong. I have a hard time understanding it. Darcy R.Welcome (E Komo Mai)I am a twice thyroid cancer survivor.  Can I ask what kind of cancer do you have?If you would like to read my story on this Cancer Compass website go to Thyroid Cancer message board, page 9, dated 1/25/07 "Cancer Again! Now What?"Please find comfort that I will say a prayer for you to ease your pain in your heart.  May you have a good road to recovery.  Take Care & God Bless.Aloha, Paulette    Aloha Wahine Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/18/2007 Darcy r wrote:I'm wondering if anyone else has have this experience? Friends and relatives pretending it never happened or when they run the other way. I'm working on letting go of this but it hurts. To take it personally is wrong. I have a hard time understanding it. Darcy R.I am the one person in my family who is not that way.  I am willing to discuss things with my Mom.  Listen to her feelings, share my own.  Let her cry when she needs to, and make her laugh when we can.I, myself, cannot comprehend HOW ON EARTH perople behave this way, but I think it is (unfortunately) very natural, and very common.  Don't take others "being human" personally, though I imagine it is hard not to.  I am certain they all love and care for you very, very much, it is just their way of coping.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.Beth Njtwinmom Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Beth, Thanks for the kind words. You are a great comfort to your mom. Thank heavens I have my husband. Its an amazing lesson in how people react. Some neighbors were nicer than close friends. I think its the reminder of mortality that has certain people nervous. You are positive! Thanks, I needed that! Darcy R. Darcy r Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT You are so welcome.I believe it is the whole "death and dying thing" that makes even the best of people behave poorly.Oh well, we just do the best we can, and be the best we can be and that is all that matters.Beth Njtwinmom Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Paulette, Thanks for your kind words. I was operated on in Dec 2006 for Kidney cancer. Just had my six month Ct scan & Lung x-ray and I'm very thankful my resuts were all great. I guess its that fact that once this touches your life you really see what people are made of including yourself. It hurts a little that some close friends can't deal but I know thats O. K. I need to move on from that. Thanks and I'll check out your story. Take care. I wish you perfect health. Darcy R. Darcy r Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/18/2007 Darcy r wrote:Hi Paulette, Thanks for your kind words. I was operated on in Dec 2006 for Kidney cancer. Just had my six month Ct scan & Lung x-ray and I'm very thankful my resuts were all great. I guess its that fact that once this touches your life you really see what people are made of including yourself. It hurts a little that some close friends can't deal but I know thats O. K. I need to move on from that. Thanks and I'll check out your story. Take care. I wish you perfect health. Darcy R.Now that I know your pain.  Please find comfort that I open my heart to you for peace in your life.  I know from my own cancer experience that stress is the worst for my speedy recovery.  I have been married for 8 yrs. and my husband who is my rock knows what stress does to me.  As for the people who are too critical because of ignorance they will have to live with themselves by not being there for you.  Yes, I have found that relatives are more critical than friends.  Many of my friends we're there instead of my family.  Go figure!!!  I have a big extended family of people who I have adopted along the way in my journey of life.  I am sorry that people are so cruel.  I know I have been there and no matter how much it hurts, let those negative people out of your life.  All you need is positive thoughts.  When they come to grips with your condition they might come around.  You will learn who loves you because they will come to your need. I hope I have not offended you or anyone else reading this post.  I'm known for truth and you know what they say "the truth hurts!".  Take Care & God Bless.                    Aloha, Paulette    Aloha Wahine Thu, 19 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT On 7/19/2007 Aloha Wahine wrote: On 7/18/2007 Darcy r wrote:Hi Paulette, Thanks for your kind words. I was operated on in Dec 2006 for Kidney cancer. Just had my six month Ct scan & Lung x-ray and I'm very thankful my resuts were all great. I guess its that fact that once this touches your life you really see what people are made of including yourself. It hurts a little that some close friends can't deal but I know thats O. K. I need to move on from that. Thanks and I'll check out your story. Take care. I wish you perfect health. Darcy R.Now that I know your pain.  Please find comfort that I open my heart to you for peace in your life.  I know from my own cancer experience that stress is the worst for my speedy recovery.  I have been married for 8 yrs. and my husband who is my rock knows what stress does to me.  As for the people who are too critical because of ignorance they will have to live with themselves by not being there for you.  Yes, I have found that relatives are more critical than friends.  Many of my friends we're there instead of my family.  Go figure!!!  I have a big extended family of people who I have adopted along the way in my journey of life.  I am sorry that people are so cruel.  I know I have been there and no matter how much it hurts, let those negative people out of your life.  All you need is positive thoughts.  When they come to grips with your condition they might come around.  You will learn who loves you because they will come to your need. I hope I have not offended you or anyone else reading this post.  I'm known for truth and you know what they say "the truth hurts!".  Take Care & God Bless.                    Aloha, Paulette    Paulette, I agree with everything you said. Its strange how people react and to be honest I've really stopped emailing or calling anyone who is unable to deal with any of it. Thank you for your kind words. I've said this before but I was Rip Van Winkle and now Thank God.....I'm wide awake. I enjoy it all now!!! After I got my good test results my brother said," Well now you can be happy for another six months until the next series of tests." I said ,"NO WAY!" That way of living feels like a death sentence to me. I forgive his ignorance,his fear. He thinks he's next. I really have to distance myself from that. I've been digging deep into my feelings.... and I feel active in my recovery. I use to say "YES" to everyone...not anymore. I'm finally taking care of myself. This path is positive. Wishing you peace. Darcy R. Darcy r Thu, 19 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/18/2007 Darcy r wrote:I'm wondering if anyone else has have this experience? Friends and relatives pretending it never happened or when they run the other way. I'm working on letting go of this but it hurts. To take it personally is wrong. I have a hard time understanding it. Darcy R.Dear Darcy R,It truely does hurt! In a way, it's more difficult than any of the other stuff my husband & I are dealing with. My husband is the one who has colon cancer & he says that he feels that he is in it alone! I've been by his side through it all yet he still feels that way. So even I'm not able to fill the huge void that he feels.We had a family gathering tonight. It was aweful to think that we could feel so alone in a room full of 40 people! People say stupid things & yes, it hurts. I have tried to evaluate the whole thing & tonight I came to the conclusion that no human being can fill the void. Only God can. I told my husband that I want to trust God & stop expecting people to do what's right. People don't, won't, or can't. I've been looking to them, expecting them to reach out to us, but with disappointment. So I made up my mind that I need to forgive them. I don't really know what they are going through. I just know that I need to run to Jesus with all of it. Spiritual, emotional, physical, everything! My husband agreed. Keep looking up!rj withhope Fri, 20 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT My mom didn't tell anyone and so when I saw people they would look at me funny---like I was crazy.  I am female.  So you know people have these strict codes about gender and the way things should be.  So you know I was wondering (still wondering) if I should explain that I have cancer.  I guess it just hurt more than anything because it seems like my cancer was something I should be ashamed of for my mom.  I can not even barely talk to her anymore.  You know, I'm from a relatively small town.  The treatment that I have gotten as a bald cancer patient has been horrible.  I went to get my car fixed and the mechanic wouldn't fix I found later on because he didn't like gay people.  It just made me sad because I would just wish that I was gay---the reason for my being bald.  I am near the end of this and I went job hunting and I have been turned down several times because of my appearance, even at places like burger king where they consistently hire people who are on meth and crack and whatever else.  I'm not downing drug addicts for trying to work but I am so mad.  I am so tired.I am so tired of people looking at me like there's something wrong with me.  I'm tired of feeling like I have to apologize to people because I have cancer. localway Sun, 22 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT Please be strong. I believe that the truth is the way to go. Cancer is not your fault and nothing to be ashamed of. You are a fighter! Listen to your heart. Its really hard not to feel alone in all of it. You are not alone. Everone one on this site is behind you! Sending you peace and perfect health. Darcy r Mon, 23 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT The response that I do not like to hear is "think positive, it's all in the attitude that you have".  I listened to a well wisher preach to me for about 10 minutes.  When I tried to change the subject,he continued.  I walked away.  This person has never had cancer before.  Or a close family member.  What right does he have to preach to me when I try my best to keep a smile on my face in public. I am thankful that my husband is doing so well at this point.  Being that one other person that I know just passed away this week from the same cancer, and the other person that I know that has the same kind of cancer is in and out of the hospital often,  The thought that my husband has cancer scares me.  I live it day in and day out just like the rest of you.  I don't tell people this.  I respond to them that he's doing ok when I'm asked.  I just want to scream when people think they can control my emotions and my children's emotions.  I've been told how long to expect.  I cherish every minute we have together.  I don't want people making me feel that I shouldn't feel my  emotions.   I am certain everyone on this message board has encountered people that are trying to "be positive". Aacddd3 Mon, 23 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT It's so unfortunate that others just think a positive attitude will get you thru this.  I think it really puts a lot of pressure on cancer survivors...which is certainly not what we need.  I think this "just be positive" attitude is for the sake of others.  Of course, we all need to have a positive attitude about life in general, but cancer is not positive to me.My pet peeve is when people say the proverbial "any of us could get hit be a truck tomorrow and die".  That one really sets me off. Lucymullis Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT On 7/29/2007 Lucymullis wrote:It's so unfortunate that others just think a positive attitude will get you thru this.  I think it really puts a lot of pressure on cancer survivors...which is certainly not what we need.  I think this "just be positive" attitude is for the sake of others.  Of course, we all need to have a positive attitude about life in general, but cancer is not positive to me.My pet peeve is when people say the proverbial "any of us could get hit be a truck tomorrow and die".  That one really sets me off. I get that " have a positive attitude" all the time and its hard not to get mad. They don't get it. I understand its not healthy to go down the dark path but sometimes you've gotta get MAD! Thats healthy once in a while. Yes......I've heard that "any of us could get hit by a car crap." I cringe when someone says it. Or that God has a reason for everything. Thats the biggest one that makes me sick. I hope I don't hear that again because the next person that says it is going to be dealing with a crazy Italian! I think people mean well but its hard to really understand until you here your doctor tell you ...".you have cancer." Darcy r Tue, 07 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT