CancerCompass message board discussion started by Merrilee on 8/7/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,15091,0.htm Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Looking through Cancer...........I sit here in disbelief .........listening to the silence and crying- my own cryingI think....how could I have lost my husband to Cancer?  Or did I find him through Cancer>We loved, dreamt, traveled, shared dreams and had hope together........ did this really happen>He was such a great daddy, a great husband, a hard worker and of course a great man........... was he here?I hear him in our children's laughter, I see his eyes in our children's faces, and feel his hope in our children's dreams........I feel sadness, anger, happiiness, guilt, grief , happiness and confused-I feel sad for families still dealing with the cancer, i feel sadness for losing my husband...........I feel anger that I didn't know this could happen?  Did I do what I could to prepare myself?I feel guilt for trying to live without him by my side.......I feel grief for my own selfish reasons and wish he were here- although I know he is not in painI feel happiness for families that still have their loved one in life and happy they celebrate their life.........I feel confused because I am alone and I don't know where to go?People tell me- he is in a better place, you are so strong, or he doesn't have to deal with the pain anymore.....I hope they never have to hear those attempts of comfortI walk through the house looking for evidence that my best friend was here and I am thankful I have our children to help me remember him........ I pray for all people- the patients, caregivers, health care and of course- those that have not been diagnosed yet.  Looking through Cancer .... I have to wonder....... was he really here? Merrilee Tue, 07 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 8/7/2007 Merrilee wrote:Looking through Cancer...........I sit here in disbelief .........listening to the silence and crying- my own cryingI think....how could I have lost my husband to Cancer?  Or did I find him through Cancer>We loved, dreamt, traveled, shared dreams and had hope together........ did this really happen>He was such a great daddy, a great husband, a hard worker and of course a great man........... was he here?I hear him in our children's laughter, I see his eyes in our children's faces, and feel his hope in our children's dreams........I feel sadness, anger, happiiness, guilt, grief , happiness and confused-I feel sad for families still dealing with the cancer, i feel sadness for losing my husband...........I feel anger that I didn't know this could happen?  Did I do what I could to prepare myself?I feel guilt for trying to live without him by my side.......I feel grief for my own selfish reasons and wish he were here- although I know he is not in painI feel happiness for families that still have their loved one in life and happy they celebrate their life.........I feel confused because I am alone and I don't know where to go?People tell me- he is in a better place, you are so strong, or he doesn't have to deal with the pain anymore.....I hope they never have to hear those attempts of comfortI walk through the house looking for evidence that my best friend was here and I am thankful I have our children to help me remember him........ I pray for all people- the patients, caregivers, health care and of course- those that have not been diagnosed yet.  Looking through Cancer .... I have to wonder....... was he really here?Yes, he was there!  I'm sadden for your lost.  I am a 2 time thyroid cancer survivor and still fighting my battle.  Your husband will always be there within your heart.  Close your eyes and hold tight to your good memories.  You will have those memories for life.  I send you a big big hug to comfort you in your time of sorrow.  Take Care & God Bless.Aloha, Paulette Aloha Wahine Thu, 09 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT