CancerCompass message board discussion started by Danaray on 9/6/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,15908,0.htm Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My mother has been released from her oncologist to Hospice.  She is still alert, able to get up to the bathroom (with our help), eat food & drink fluids, take medications......she is not in a lot of pain, so doesn't have to be drugged up.....she just sleeps alot.  She is not throwing up.  She is just getting weaker.  She has liver cancer which is not operable & the nexavar she was on allowed a bone metastesis to her leg, so they took her off it.  My sister & I have been approached by our stepdad (he is really our acting father) regarding arranging my mom's funeral!  I am nowhere near that point in the loss of my mother.  No one has given us a timeframe.........but my when my grandmother passed away from liver cancer, she spent about a month in a coma like state.....so I figured that's where we would be before talking about a funeral.  Does anyone have any suggestions for me.......has anyone lost a loved one to liver cancer at home w/Hospice that might know their state of mind when they passed.  Any help at all would be greatly appreciated.  I don't really know where else to go & thought I'd try all of you..... Danaray Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi, first of all I am so sorry for what you are going through. My mom passed 6/8/07 after only being diagnosed with nsclc in march. Although this is a very hard topic to be discussing its something that you must do. BUT it doesn't sound like you are at that point yet, then again with this horrible disease you never know. It will make it easier to have arrangements ahead of time- It is a very hard thing to do. I made my moms arrangements the day before she passed- hardest thing i have ever done, but I had to talk my step-father into it he didn't want to do it yet. My mother was bedridden, could not move, talk, eat, or drink. Her blood pressure was very very low, her fingers were starting to turn blueish, and hospice said it would be anytime. But 2 weeks before she was walking around, she was OK. After the radiation treatments,a hospital stay because the ca metased to her shoulder (and it fractured) She had one chemo tx after all that- and then 1 week later that was it. I am truly sorry for what you are going through, I know all to well your pain, just hang in there, you will get through it. There will be bad days, ok days, days that just suck, and so on.          Tracy Tracyj Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT It must be hard to think about funeral arrangments when she is still alive, but I feel when the time does come that is one less thing the family has to worry about it will be done. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I too am dealing with liver cancer for the last 3 years.Irving  Ibgimp100#2 Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 9/6/2007 Danaray wrote:My mother has been released from her oncologist to Hospice.  She is still alert, able to get up to the bathroom (with our help), eat food & drink fluids, take medications......she is not in a lot of pain, so doesn't have to be drugged up.....she just sleeps alot.  She is not throwing up.  She is just getting weaker.  She has liver cancer which is not operable & the nexavar she was on allowed a bone metastesis to her leg, so they took her off it.  My sister & I have been approached by our stepdad (he is really our acting father) regarding arranging my mom's funeral!  I am nowhere near that point in the loss of my mother.  No one has given us a timeframe.........but my when my grandmother passed away from liver cancer, she spent about a month in a coma like state.....so I figured that's where we would be before talking about a funeral.  Does anyone have any suggestions for me.......has anyone lost a loved one to liver cancer at home w/Hospice that might know their state of mind when they passed.  Any help at all would be greatly appreciated.  I don't really know where else to go & thought I'd try all of you.....Hi Danaray,I know your pain and understand why you would be hesitant to make arrangments now. My husband has been fighting Kidney cancer for a year now, he was stage IV upon diagnosis. He is now on Hospice and is slowly loosing the battle. I don't want to accept or let go, but as hard as it was I did call the funeral director and make semi arrangements. I feel that it will be too difficult of a time once it happens. If my husband last 6 more months, than praise the lord, but either way, I dont want to do it when he passes. I have not signed contracts or given money, just made contact and discussed what we want done. It was a very hard phone call for me to make and I actually could not finish it so I am now corresponding with the funeral director by email. Something to think about. God Bless and I pray you find peace in your decision.  Debbie wasWifeofpatient Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences......As sad as life has become, it can make you feel a tiny bit better knowing others are going through the same thing.  Thanks.... Danaray Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT  I have been through this exact situation.  My Mom was under hospice and there was no chance for recovery (cancerous brain tumor) and she was slipping away from us slowly.My sisters and I went to the Funeral Home (they were not receptive at first but said later that it was the best way to take care of things) and pre-arranged just about everything.  Trust me, it is not easy but it is so much easier to make good choices when you are still able to think clearly.  The thing is this.. a lot of tough choices are made after someone passes, without a lot of room for change due to time frame.  With the pre-arrangements we selected there were few things we had to deal with when she did pass, we knew what the next step was and we were able to console each other. AND.. when we wanted to change something or add something to the service we were able to (we forgot a favorite song of hers) and we had a great bonding experience creating memory boards with old pictures.  You are in my prayers.L. Weezy Mon, 10 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT i am so sorry! My mom passed away 4/20/07 from brain cancer. We made her arrangements about a month before she passed. Thank goodness that we did- we were in no state once it did happen to make many decisions. It is extremely hard to do and my sister and I hated every second that we were there making the arrangements but it turned out to be such a blessing. JamieH02 Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 9/6/2007 Danaray wrote:My mother has been released from her oncologist to Hospice.  She is still alert, able to get up to the bathroom (with our help), eat food & drink fluids, take medications......she is not in a lot of pain, so doesn't have to be drugged up.....she just sleeps alot.  She is not throwing up.  She is just getting weaker.  She has liver cancer which is not operable & the nexavar she was on allowed a bone metastesis to her leg, so they took her off it.  My sister & I have been approached by our stepdad (he is really our acting father) regarding arranging my mom's funeral!  I am nowhere near that point in the loss of my mother.  No one has given us a timeframe.........but my when my grandmother passed away from liver cancer, she spent about a month in a coma like state.....so I figured that's where we would be before talking about a funeral.  Does anyone have any suggestions for me.......has anyone lost a loved one to liver cancer at home w/Hospice that might know their state of mind when they passed.  Any help at all would be greatly appreciated.  I don't really know where else to go & thought I'd try all of you.....  sadsoul Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT I am so sorry you are walking the path you are right now, and my heart goes out to you.  The only thing I can think of that's more difficult regarding making funeral plans now is making them afterward, when you will be in such a whirl of emotion, possibly having difficulty making any decisions at all.My own mother made her arrangements well before she passed, and she had me come with her to the funeral home.  I remember her sitting calmly in the office doing this business while I paced, and even started walking out the door for some fresh air.  It was almost too much.  Then her voice: "M, get back here and sit down."  I smile as I write this because she said it as to a young child, but ever so lovingly, and she knew I needed to be there to hear and witness what was being done.  She was so strong for me.  She looked out for me until her last breath.So, tough as it is, I say to go ahead and do it now.  You are in a better frame of mind now (yes, really) to decide what you would like, and will be able to create a service with all the things that pay tribute to her life.I wish you well. Maggie Memah Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.  I lost my mom on August 17, 2007. It is very difficult to hear the words that there is nothing more that can be done.  My mother did not survive long (only about a week) when hospice was called. I know people pre plann funerals, but we did not.  We knew, in the back of our minds, what we would like to happen.  The funeral director took excellent care of us, so we didn't feel overwhelmed.  We were extremely sad, but not overwhelmed. I have 2 suggestions for you.  One is to know what organization you want donations to be made in your mom's memory for the obituary. And the other is if you are planning a mass or church service, have an idea of what songs you would want.  You can google funeral songs on line if you are unsure.  God bless you, your family, and your mom at this difficult time. sadsoul Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT