CancerCompass message board discussion started by Life is worth the fight on 9/13/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,16147,0.htm Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Yeah, I know, that probably sounds crazy right? I have known for just over 2 months this day would come, but somehow it feels even more real now. And more scary as I listened to the surgeon explain what I would be going through. So it's set for Oct. 2nd.I got some new info today... some scary and some surprises. The gastrointeroligist who did my colonoscopy had said the tumor was 2 cm. Today I find out it was actually 4 cms. They examined me and said it has shrunk from the radiation but is still there and likely is still cancerous but has shrunk some. I also found out my surgery is different from what I thought it would be. The day it was explained to me was the day all the news about what I was facing  was dropped into my lap and I missed some of the info. I will actually be having a ileostomy instead of a coliostomy. The will actually connect everything back after cutting out the tumor. Then they will cut  my small intestines and make a stoma. This is all so new to me... I hadn't read much about ileostomies. The surgeon says it is my best chance for not having to have a permanent colostomy. He said it will give things a much better chance of healing well. He will also be making a J pouch. So here we go... ready or not! The doc says it will be a difficult surgery and recovery for me. He is going to install something new into my stomach cavity that releases some type of anesthesia ( I think) there is actually an article on the front page of this site about this new procedure. So hopefully things won't be as bad as I am afraid of. Thanks to those who have sent words of encouragment. I keep reminding myself I am only 42 and people who are much older than me have gotten through all this so surely I can too.Anita Life is worth the fight Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Anita, Yes the whole thing is scary as it changes what our "normal" was.  However, get it over with and start on the road to recovery so that by the holidays you will be well on your way to being better and finding your new "normal"We will all be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.  Like others before you, you too will get through this.  Just think by this time next year, you can be helping some "newbie" out and telling them that, they too, can go through treatment!  Definately not fun, but oh so necessary. Jaynee soccermom Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Jayne,U are sooooo right! If I learn nothing else from this or if only a few good things come from this I want more than anything to be one of those people who can help those when they first face this and all the uncertainties. It is so overwelming and scary. I want to reach out to others and be the one who helps when someone has needs. I no longer work and probably won't go back at least not a fulltime job. I LOVE to cook and plan to use that gift to help people in my area who are sick and in need. I really want to find the gifts God has given me and put them to use. I want good things to come from the bad. I don't want to suffer in vain. I started a myspace page the week I found out about all this. I update my blog weekly when possible. If anyone is interested in more details as to what I am going through you can check it out at www.myspace.com/lifeisworththefight  just send a friend request and I will gladly let u in.  Thanks so much..  my mind is tired right now and I can't remember... but weren't u diagnosed a few days after me? if so when will u finish chemo and radiation?I wish the best for u and everyone else facing this.Anita Life is worth the fight Fri, 14 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Anita My name is Diana and I am 45 years old, I was just diagonased with Squamous  Cell Carn on Monday night  went in the hospital for Hemorriod removal and was told I have rectum cancer - wow my entire world has stopped I have had my PET scan yesterday, but can seem to get into a doctor ( recommended  docotr at Moffitt Cancer cemter ) for 2 weeks, that seems like a long wait?they are telling me I need surgery prior to any other treatment option? so I am waiting on the surgeon.I was hoping you could give me some insight of what lays ahead for me and when the tears stop - I cry all the time and can't seem to get a hold of my emotions - I am a very storng person and will fight this battle head on.but can't seem to grasp anything but the fatc I have cancer.Please knwo my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family kind regards, Diana jammerboat Fri, 14 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Diana,I feel your pain and anxiety! believe me I still remember vividly how it felt the day I spoke with the surgeon. What kind of doc diagnosed you? And the surgeon you're going to see is he a specialist? You really need to see a colorectal specialist for surgery. He is the one who gave me the entire plan layout for my care and best chances for a cure. I have gotten more info from him than anyone else at this point. Two weeks does seem like a long time.. I got in in less than a week. BUT I should tell u I have a different kind of Cancer. I have poorly differientied mucin producing andenocarcinoma.. YES a mouthful!  Little did I know when they told me that that the first two words were of great importance. I didn't get REALLY scared until I typed in all 5 words and did a search. I've gotten over the shock now and it's to were I don't cry much anymore... at least not until yesterday when the surgeon gave me al the info. I have a my space page that has a weekly blog from the day I was diagnosed until now. You can get the most insight as to what I have been through and what I face there if you're interested. You have to have a myspace account.. but that only takes a few mins. to set up and u don't have to actually set up a page of your own. the link is here: www.myspace.com/lifeisworththefight just click on my friend button and I will send u an invite to get in. Or u can email me at --Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html--  I will be more than happy to talk with you about any questions you have. I know I am really just getting started but I do at least have the first 2 months behind me and A LOT has happened in those 2 mths. GOOD LUCK TO YOU! and hang in there.. we can beat this!HugsAnita Life is worth the fight Fri, 14 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT here is a site I found to be very helpful with info on rectal cancer:http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic1994.htm Life is worth the fight Fri, 14 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 9/14/2007 jammerboat wrote:Hi Anita My name is Diana and I am 45 years old, I was just diagonased with Squamous  Cell Carn on Monday night  went in the hospital for Hemorriod removal and was told I have rectum cancer - wow my entire world has stopped I have had my PET scan yesterday, but can seem to get into a doctor ( recommended  docotr at Moffitt Cancer cemter ) for 2 weeks, that seems like a long wait?they are telling me I need surgery prior to any other treatment option? so I am waiting on the surgeon.I was hoping you could give me some insight of what lays ahead for me and when the tears stop - I cry all the time and can't seem to get a hold of my emotions - I am a very storng person and will fight this battle head on.but can't seem to grasp anything but the fatc I have cancer.Please knwo my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family kind regards, Diana  Hi Diana,  I too went to get my hemorrhoids removed and was told I have rectal cancer -  I was treated at the Moffitt Cancer Center.  I have been 11/2 cancer free now.  There is plenty of help you can receive at the Moffitt center.  To this day I am receiving help.  I am still learning to cope with my new self.  Every other month I part take in an ostomy support group.  We will be meeting tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.  if you receive this message before then and would like to join us, please let me know.  The group is very supportive and they give much needed information. God Bless and Best of Luck.  Sweet Blessings Fri, 14 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Good Luck Anita, Let me know how it goes, I'll be having mine about 5 weeks after you.  I spoke to a lady today that had hers 6 mos. ago and she said it's rough but you get through it.  They will give you meds to keep you comfortable and each day gets better.Take care,Terry Snowmom60 Mon, 17 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Anita, My surgery is scheduled for October 2 also. I, like others, had my rectal cancer discovered during hemorrhoid surgery on May 15. It took several weeks before I had interviewed all of the docs and tried to figure out how to proceed. I had chemo and radiation that ended four and a half weeks ago and the tumor has almost completely resolved according to the Pet scan. The doc is still cautious and serious and that seems odd because the tumor has changed so much. I am having a rectal exam on Tuesday the 25th. I insisted on being sedated (The doc wasn't excited about it, but my hemorrhoid repair is still healing and I don't want to feel him in there looking around. I am proud of myself for taking care of myself. On Thursday we will find out which procedure he feels is best for me. He is a strong personality and I am intending to be treated with compassion and respect. Sometimes it is hard to question doctors, but we need to do it so we understand best we can what is happening. I am grateful to find this group. Up until now, I didn't know anyone else with rectal cancer...to think, I have buddies out there I didn't know about. Are you all aware of any chat rooms for rectal cancer support? I also have a blog where I am recording my experience. I was unable to write (or do much of anything) during chemoradiation and I am just reconnecting. I would love blog visitors: http://magicalcat3733.wordpress.com/ Anita, let's intend that our surgeons are empowered mightily on the 2nd, to flow in their amazing giftedness and put us back together with minimal discomfort. May we and all others overcoming cancer be blesse with comfort and healing at all levels. I wish we would have met in happier circumstances, but I am glad we crossed paths. Whenever I am anxious about my surgery, I am going to think positive thoughts for you and the others. We can do it! Catherine Magical Cat Thu, 20 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT         Anita,          My journey with rectal cancer began in September of 2005. A colonoscopy revealed a 2 centimeter mass near the sphincter muscle that was causing sharp pain at the bottom area of my spine along with intermittent pain at both hips. It became uncomfortable to sit or lie down with the only relief coming when I stood up. I had a colonoscopy done and we awaited the results. After a week my wife, and wonderful care giver, Debbe, and I received the news that most people dread. The mass was in fact cancerous. I was directed to a local hospital for follow up and treatment. The surgeon met with Debbe and I towards the end of September that year and we began to get the ball rolling. However the radiation and oncology end of the treatment never got underway. One Dr. was on vacation while the other didn’t receive certain paper work. After a biopsy the surgeon informed me that the Dr. that preformed the colonoscopy was generous with the sizing of the mass. In a few short weeks it had doubled in size to 4 centimeters! Unlike the oncology and radiation Dr.’s this tumor was on a fast track with me in its sights!! The call came on a Thursday that I will never forget. Around 11:30 AM the phone rang…….When I answered, it was my surgeon on the other end. I was informed that the MRI showed that the tumor had now penetrated the rectal wall and was likely engaging the prostate which meant that it was out of my surgeon’s expertise and she felt uncomfortable with the operation. Upon hanging up the phone and informing my wife she immediately broke down. She like I realized that after a month we were back at ground zero only this time with a tumor at least twice the size from when we started and rapidly growing.       It was at this point of my journey that God stepped in………        Debbe remembered seeing a Cancer Treatment Centers of America commercial during one of the soaps she watched during the day and had decided to give them a call for some information a few weeks prior to that Thursday. (I never thought I’d be thanking God for the soaps!!) Around 1:30 that same afternoon, a mere 2 hours or so after the heart breaking news we received a phone call from CTCA. It “just happened” that someone had cancelled their appointment for that coming Monday and they could fit me in if I could make it out there!!! Hind sight renders this opportunity as a “no brainer” but at the time we were unsure how to proceed. We didn’t travel much and a trip of 711 miles away was a big step. The person at CTCA was extremely helpful and set up travel arrangements for my wife and I at no charge! It was obvious at that point how we should proceed.       Whirlwind is the only way I can describe the next few days. They went by in a blur. We were met at the train station by “Angel” the stretch limo driver who put us at ease and shared with us the ins and outs of CTCA as we were being chauffeured to the Country Inn where we would be staying. There are no words to adequately describe the sense of love and hope we felt when we first entered CTCA. From the smiles on the faces of not only the employees but also the patient’s, to the beautiful fish tank to the inspiring survivor tree, all emanate hope. There comes a time in ones life when one feels that there is something special about to happen. This feeling is very deep and personal not unlike ones relationship with God. That is how I felt upon entering CTCA. I was soon to learn that my feelings were most certainly justified. The person that solidified my intent was my surgeon Dr. Sanchez. But first a little humor……      Please recall that I was experiencing quite a bit of pain to say the least. Needless to say the wonderful people of pain management was first on my list of those to see! (Please note that we had seen another Dr. in Pennsylvania about treatment. Upon entering the room, since there was one chair and a stool, he made Debbe stand as he pulled her stool away from her, turned his back on her, and then proceeded to inform me on issues that Debbe and I were already aware of!!!!!) At any rate we had the same problem at CTCA only with a different solution. Upon seeing that we were short a chair the pain nurse immediately excused herself and brought back a very comfortably cushioned plush chair. Once I was seated she leaned over her desk and whispered,” I hope Dr. Chang doesn’t return soon. He may find something missing!!!!” That’s the standard at CTCA!      Back to Dr. Sanchez….. We met with him late in the morning between surgeries. We gathered around a table as he fielded our questions with a calm confident demeanor belying his deep faith and conviction to walk with us on our journey no matter where it led. After the final question Debbe stood up and said, “I need a hug.” Dr. Sanchez said, “me to” and proceeded to hug Debbe!!! It was what happened next that solidified for me the fact that God was with us. I shook Dr. Sanchez’s hand and thanked him for his time at which time he said,” Don’t thank me, I am only an instrument in Gods hands He deserves all the thanks.” At that point peace and hope began to flood my heart and I knew that I had come to the right place. God was indeed there and working through the many wonderful and devoted people there. I will never forget the comment of Dr. Levin the oncologist when we set down to discuss the treatment options. After deep contemplation and much chin rubbing he looked over at Debbe and myself and then in his beautiful sense of humor said,” you just have a pain in the backside, once Dr. Eden is done with radiation it won’t be any bigger then your little fingers finger nail!!” This is the confidence and assurance along with the peace and hope that sets CTCA apart from all other institutions. Add to these memories Dr. Eden and his staff especially Judy (lover of Dark Chocolate!), pastoral care, mind and body, naturopathic medicines, nutritionists, the cafeteria staff etc. There are too many to name! All make CTCA with out a doubt the most ……….. Well there are no words to express my gratitude towards every one at CTCA. I thank God for everyone there especially Mr. Stephenson without whom none of this would have taken place. God bless you all!! I am currently on a 6 month check up now. I’m blessed to have the checks up in June (the Celebration) and December (the wonderful Christmas decorations). Everything is looking good on the cancer front. The only down side is that I miss my friends out there and think about them often. On an all together different front I’m developing some heart difficulties. I wonder if CTCA would consider going into the cardiac care field. Hmmmmmmm…………………………………. May God bless and keep you through these tough times!!!!          I truly hope this helps and if I can be of any more help please feel free to contact me privately.                                                                                 Dave Maggie Mae Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Anita,I'm in the same boat as you and Diana, and am going in for my op in 3 weeks.Not looking forward to it as i feel better now 3weeks after the radio and chemo treatment, but know it has to be done with no promises about whether it will be a permanent bag or not.Ive really not been able to write much on here and am impressed that you have kept a daily log which i'll have a look at. I'm in Australia are you in the USA? not sure where this site is fromWell i hope it all goes well and keep your spirits up.Bye for now Mick   mickb Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT FIRST OFF LET ME APOLOGIZE FOR MY MISPELLINGS... IT HAS BEEN DIFFICULT FOR ME TO REMEMBER WORDS AT TIMES AND DIFFICULT TO SPELL. THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A PET PEAVE OF MINE AND HAS KEPT ME FROM WRITING AT TIMES... BUT I SAY AS LONG AS YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT I AM SAYING THEN GO FOR IT. I SAY IT'S CHEMO BRAIN BUT IT COULD BE STRESS AS WELL OR A COMBINATION. WHO KNOWS! Hi Mick,Yes, I am in the USA.. down south in Louisiana actually.As to my writing about what I'm going through.. it is actually very helpful to me. I've always found writing down my feelings helps me cope with things. Even if I am just writing in my journal for my eyes only. I also like to go back and read what I wrote months down the road, I can then see how far I've come. I tend to forget how I felt emotionally or the pain I felt once things get better. I wish you the very best and just know.. from all that I have read ending up with an ostomy permantely is not the worst thing in the world as others have shared here. YES, I'm saying that for myself as well. When you're sitting in our shoes and things are a bit in limbo the unknown can really be scarey. The surgeon is fairly certain he can reverse the ostomy but won't know for sure until he gets in there. He said from what he could feel he only has a 1/2 inch or so of leway. If it is any lower than he thinks then I will end up with a bag perm.  My tumor is 5-6 cms. into my rectum so it's a close call. He assures me he will do everything he can to reconnect  but warns me most of my rectum will be removed and my colon will serve as a new rectum all but the last few inches of my rectum will remain. He said a colon works differently and will have trouble learning to work as a rectum so it will take some time (maybe a year or so) for me to get back to somewhat normal. He has also said I will likely never be completely "normal" again. I will have to learn what not to eat. Being that I have dealt with mild irritable bowel syndrome I sort of know what to expect. I just hope it won't be to a point that I am afraid to leave my house. That is why some people prefer having a bag, that way they don't have to worry about running for the bathroom.Okay... I went on a totally different direction here so I am going to move it to a new blog of it's on... titled vanity! :)I wish you the best and will try hard to write here as soon as I recover enough from my surgery. They say I will be in the hospitol 5- 10 days so it may be a few weeks. Life is worth the fight Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT My husband, age 53, has just finished his chemo and radiation, he is having a lot of feelings of urgency to go to the bathroom for a BM but when he goes there is almost nothing except mucus type stuff.  I hate to sound so gross but I need to know if any of the rest of you have experienced anything like this.  He was diagnosed with Stage 3 rectal cancer in July.  We are seeing the surgeon in a couple of weeks and are likewise nervous about what lies ahead.  The tumor is large and we are hoping for a reduction to avoid a colostomy but realize its a big possibility.  Any advice?  I still cry a lot we've been married most of our lives to each other.  It just doesn't seem real that this is happening to us. afraidofbeingalone Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 9/14/2007 Life is worth the fight wrote:Hi Diana,I feel your pain and anxiety! believe me I still remember vividly how it felt the day I spoke with the surgeon. What kind of doc diagnosed you? And the surgeon you're going to see is he a specialist? You really need to see a colorectal specialist for surgery. He is the one who gave me the entire plan layout for my care and best chances for a cure. I have gotten more info from him than anyone else at this point. Two weeks does seem like a long time.. I got in in less than a week. BUT I should tell u I have a different kind of Cancer. I have poorly differientied mucin producing andenocarcinoma.. YES a mouthful!  Little did I know when they told me that that the first two words were of great importance. I didn't get REALLY scared until I typed in all 5 words and did a search. I've gotten over the shock now and it's to were I don't cry much anymore... at least not until yesterday when the surgeon gave me al the info. I have a my space page that has a weekly blog from the day I was diagnosed until now. You can get the most insight as to what I have been through and what I face there if you're interested. You have to have a myspace account.. but that only takes a few mins. to set up and u don't have to actually set up a page of your own. the link is here: www.myspace.com/lifeisworththefight just click on my friend button and I will send u an invite to get in. Or u can email me at --Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html--  I will be more than happy to talk with you about any questions you have. I know I am really just getting started but I do at least have the first 2 months behind me and A LOT has happened in those 2 mths. GOOD LUCK TO YOU! and hang in there.. we can beat this!HugsAnita Hi Anita jammerboat Wed, 10 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Anita wanted to let you know you have been in my prayers everyday and I hope all went well with your surgery, I hope that you are home and resting, just wanted to let you know lots of people are thinking and praying for you :)  I started Chemo at home this week 24/7 - for 5 days and Rad treatments for the next 6 weeks - they don't think I will need surgery as of now- but I am learning to live one day at a time and rejoice in each day, instead focusing  on "beating the crap out of this diease unitil it is gone :)  Write and let me know how you are feeling when u can "Hugs back to you" Diana    jammerboat Wed, 10 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT I'm back home now.. surgery went well... a few surprises and I still have a cath bag.. we can't seem to get things working again.. which is really scary! I see a urologist on Tuesday. The surgery was horrible for the first 24 hours but after that it has not been as bad as I expected. I came home this past Tues. I want to write more and share my feelings but am really tired.. that is the one thing I am having the most trouble with right now... no energy at all.. just going to the bathroon is work and wears me out. I know it's still early. Won't be 2 weeks until tuesday. I'm going to try posting my last writing from my myspace page here so you'll know what I am going through. The ileostomy is affecting me emotionally pretty bad right now. I hope that gets better soon. I keep thinking how am I going to get used to this thing that I hate so much.  Here is what I posted yesterday to my myspace page::Home from the hospitol...... Well, I'm home! Just the physical health info!My surgery went very well, the doc had a few problems because I am so long waisted. He had trouble pulling down my colon and ended up having to make a longer incision. It's about 14 inches.. maybe 12.. it looks huge from my point of view. It's about 3-4 inches above my belly button and all the way down my tummy. Then I have 3 or 4 other small incisions where they used laproscopy and also did the ostomy.We didn't get the best of news from the pathology report. Turns out my cancer was not only 4 cms but stage 3 instead of 2. He removed the tumor and 15 lymph nodes... 4 of which had still had cancer including the tumor. He had hoped the chemo and radiation would have my pathology report coming back negative no cancer by the surgery.... however he does believe he was able to get it all. He removed everything he could that might be a problem. He wasn't able to do a J-pouch with my colon without cutting me to my breast plate because of my long body. He opted not to do that. A J-pouch works somewhat like a holding tank to slow things down a bit since I won't be working normally. He said he didn't think it would make enough difference for me worth cutting me open that much more. The pain of the surgery was way much more than I could have ever dreamed. I just thought giving birth to a almost 10 lb baby boy naturally was painful. I did however begin to get better quickly the first day or 2 and then things went down a bit. They had even planned to let me come home early Sunday. But when they removed the cath. Sat. things wouldn't work... no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't pee. So they ended up putting it back in. On Monday they finally decided to send me home with the cath. and some meds to help make things wake up and work. We were told to pull it out early Wed. morning and hope... and drink water but 10 hours later still nothing. It took a toll on my body and wore me down so they had to send out the home health nurse to re-cath me. So now I have 2 bags to deal with. This sucks what can I say?!?  They will leave it in until I see a urologist on Tuesday. My surgeon is not sure what exactly is happening... could be damage from the surgery or just may be the effects of meds and the cath being in for 5 days. They say it can sometimes be a problem and more so for some people. As I have said before.. if there is a bottom 5 % that something may happen to.. I'm usually in it.If I'm sounding a bit down it's because I am. I'm just plain tired what can I say and so is my husband. This is the toughest thing we have ever in our entire lives had to go through. But not to worry I have NOT and will NOT lose my faith. I may get down but I still believe and I know God will not fail me. He is working every day in my life... he brings good from the bad each day... he gives me a miracle everyday, I wake and take a breath!! In this difficult time I am seeing it as a teaching time. God is teaching me and showing me things I have never seen before. So even though I fall down and struggle dozens of times each day to get up I will get back up with Gods help. This will not break me... a set back is only temporary.After a week and a half of not writing my feelings here I must say I am overflowing with emotions. I have come to realize how much I need to express my feelings here. I thank you for listening. I know I get way too deep for some and give out way too many details for others. But just know this is therapy for me and in someways my lifeline and only outlet to this world.I knew the pain physically was going to be difficult but somehow I underestimated the emotional pain. It's caught me by surprise. I knew it would be hard but somehow I don't think you can ever really be prepared for this even when you believe! For now I am going to try to just share what the physical aspect is because once I start with the emotional part it may get long and difficult for me. I know you are here mainly to check on my physical health. The emotional part is for me.The surgery went very well. My doctor (Dr. Byrd) is no doubt a tool of God. He told me each day he came by to see me when I would thank him for his hard work "I did the physical work but it is GOD who will heal you". What a wonderful feeling to hear that from a doctor, these days we never really know their beliefs.. some believe they are in ways god. But he clearly knows who is in control and he went way above and beyond what was necessary as my doctor. he did things most doctors would not have done just to make this easier for me. He took into consideration my feelings of how I would look after the surgery. Yes, God is teaching me I have had way too much vanity! He is teaching me so much!! Okay. here I go... detouring into my emotions. If you don't want to hear about my whining and self pity then stop here...Okay.. back to my vanity.... I haven't brushed my hair for days... no make up since the day of my surgery... YES, I DID! it was just a little makeup.. : ) I just had to look good for the doctors and nurses ya know? LOL But for now I don't care about the makeup or the hair. Its hard when I look down at my stomach that only weeks ago was smooth and flat.. I can barely bring myself to even look at it... I sometimes want to ask why but I don't.. I won't question this. It is all for a reason. I've now lost 22 pounds.. my weight when I was only 15. I think how can this be... I'm skinny but can't stand to even look at my body in the mirror. I just want to look healthy again with or without makeup. One day I am sure I willl be back to my old self not wanting to leave the house without my makeup and hair done.. but I don't think I will ever care as much as I did months ago.PLEASE keep praying for me... somedays it's hard for me to pray... I don't doubt for a second but it just gets hard when you're being attacked from what seems like every direction.AnitaOne other lovely thing happened to me while I was in the hospitol. This is also taken from my myspace page: October 11, 2007 - Thursday OH.. GONE IN 60 seconds... it’s REAL, my car is gone! I saw the movie gone in 60 seconds but never thought it happened around here...........For those of you who may not have heard.. the day after my surgery while I lay in bed in horrible pain......My son drove my car to the hospitol parked it in the hosp. lot that morning. He had flown in from Dallas to help take care of me. So I gave him the keys to my car since I wouldn't be needing it. That afternoon he left to get he and Andy something to eat and my car was no were to be found. It was stolen by some heartless person from a hospitol parking lot at 2:00 in the afternoon in less than 2 mins. The security cameras didn't catch the thiefs but one minute the car was there and the next it was gone. It was one of the cameras that pan around and it was gone! UNBELIEVABLE! I'm still laughing and crying about that one. It's like ok.... what next? But remember when I told you money can't buy the things in life that I truly love? I meant it so thats why I can laugh about it. I only shed a tear because I really did love my car. We spent months finding it and it was my ultimate car. In Sep. was my one year anniversary of owning it.For those of you who don't know... it was a 2002 WS6 red Trans Am. Andy has started looking for another one already. If I can find one just like it I will get another one.The insurance comp. says there is less than a 3 % chance of recovering it. It was a professional job and likely went straight to a chop shop.  I thought an alarm and a special chip in the key had me covered but there are evidently tools out there that can overide it all.It was just a car.. but it was my car and I'll miss it! I can't drive for awhile anyway. So there it is.. the good the bad and the ugly! I wish those of you who are facing surgery the best... it's really not so bad after the first day. And ask your doc about a pump thats shaped like a ball that they use a tube to attach to your incision.. it has some type of lidocaine in it that really helps with the incision pain! It's fairly new! I will be back on chemo in about 2 weeks. Ya'll let me know how things are going with you! I really care and know just how ya feel!!!!HugsAnita Life is worth the fight Sat, 13 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT