CancerCompass message board discussion started by jen99 on 9/24/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,16458,0.htm Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My mother has been fighting lung cancer for the last 4 years and it has now spread to her liver.  She seems to have been going downhill for the past 7-8 months and lost a lot of weight.  It has been extremely frustrating for me because up until a couple of weeks ago she was working PT, going out with friends, etc...and now I find out that she has been lying to me about eating, grocery shopping, taking her medications, etc.  She has a bad kidney infection in which the antibiotics were not working and was told to go to the ER if her temp got over 100.5 and when I went to her house yesterday to check on her, I started probing her as to why she felt so bad and she finally told me she had a temp - I then took her temp and took her to the ER.  She is now hospitalized and due to receive a blood transfusion due to her low blood volume.  I talk to her daily and I always ask what she ate that day, etc. and come to find out she has not been to the grocery store in 3 weeks (since her sister went back home who was visiting her for a week to help out).  What is upsetting is she has a wide group of friends who offer to help her out and just the other day a friend took her to a dr's appt and she asked my mom if she needed to go to the grocery store and my mom said she had already been.  I brought her over some groceries yesterday (before I knew she had a bad temp) and noticed there was nothing in her fridge/cabinets.  She is also not taking any of the medicines that increase her appetitie and her anti-nausea medication.  She can't give me a solid reason as to why she is lying about the whole food thing and about taking her meds.  I am her only family member here (her sisters live out of state) and I do not have the means to quit my job and take care of her full time (I have a baby myself and full time job).  I feel like  she is not eating, making herself sick for attention (is that crazy for me to think??)  She is a very social person and I can see that she is lonely and has actually been calling friends/family all day to let everyone know how sick she is.   I cannot drop everything to take care of her.  My job is already on the line for all the time I have taken off for her.  I cannot seem to talk any sense into her about eating properly, etc.  She did admit to me that her dr told her last week that if she did not start eating that she would not be a good candidate for chemo.  She was scheduled for her second round on this treatment this week which of course is not going to happen.  I am wondering if she should even be on chemo right now at all since she is not eating, etc.   I told the case worker today that she had not been eating, not taking her medications, etc and was wondering if there were any resources available (perhaps home health care to check in on her a couple of times a day, maybe meals on wheels, etc.).  Case worker was of no help and just gave me a booklet.  My mom is on medicare and cannot afford private home health and the case worker said if she is refusing to eat, etc...there is basically nothing they can do.  I feel like my mom wants me (or someone else) to just sit there all day with her coaxing her to eat.  I cannot do that.  I am at a loss as to what to do with her.  Her doctor told her she will have to be put on a feeding tube if she does not start eating again.  She is now eating in the hospital (because the food is brought to her), but I think she will end up in the same boat once she returns home.  Not sure what to do.  If she decides not to do chemo, it is too early for hospice.  Is there something else like pallative care or something?   jen99 Mon, 24 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT I sense and also understand your frustration.  I had to care for my Mom all by myself too.  She lives 30 minutes away and I have three small children and work too.  I lost her five weeks ago, but still wanted to respond to your message.  My Mom stopped eating too, her appetite just went away.  She went from normal eating to not at all in about two weeks.  I, too was absolutely shocked when I saw her empty fridge and shelves.  However, I can say  that I now understand what was happening.  Mom was going thru a natural process of her body letting go.  My Mom did not want any lifesaving measures, just comfort measures.  So, a feeding tube would have been out of the question.  I let her eat whatever little thing she wanted, like ice cream bars.  That made me feel better and she seemed to enjoy it.  Be ready, because there will come a time when she will stop eating altogether, and that can be scary.   But, it is a natural part of the process.  She'll stop drinking too.  I guess I would suggest that you take some major deep breaths, give your loved ones some very big hugs and give both of your a break.  Unless she is already very underweight, it won't hinder her ability to get treatment.   Spend time together, and keep hoping for the best. hawke Mon, 15 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT