CancerCompass message board discussion started by Carin4LittleSis on 11/28/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,18419,0.htm Sat, 05 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 05 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My 24 yo sister has been put in hospice care. The cancer has stopped responding to treatment and has spread everywhere. The hospice nurse thinks she there's not much time left, though of course these things are unpredictable. My other sister and I spent the last few days making funeral preparations, as much as we could ahead of time, because our parents just couldn't handle it. We weren't sure we could handle it after the fact so we took care of it while we still have a couple of brain cells left in our heads. This is the most painful part of the whole trial we have been through with my sister's cancer. She is comfortable with the pain meds and sleeps most of the time, thank God for that. Seeing her suffer on top of all this would just be unbearable. But its now more than any time before that I need support and comfort from friends and family. And yet I haven't heard a peep from any of my friends since Liz was placed on hospice. I am so disappointed, so hurt. It only adds to my pain that I also feel abandoned on top of watching my sister die. I just don't understand and I can't bring myself to call them. I think I'd just be bitter towards them right now for not calling me.  Does this make me a selfish awful person? I think it would only make me angrier for them to show up at the funeral and offer condolences when I really want them to reach out to me now. Oh sure, wait til the funeral, the social easy part for people to attend when Liz is cleaned up and looks peaceful in her casket. Avoid us when she is jerky and confused and dying. Cowards. Oops....my anger is showing. It just sucks that I am watching my baby sister die, SUCKS! Thanks for letting me rant..... Carin4LittleSis Wed, 28 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 11/28/2007 Carin4LittleSis wrote:My 24 yo sister has been put in hospice care. The cancer has stopped responding to treatment and has spread everywhere. The hospice nurse thinks she there's not much time left, though of course these things are unpredictable. My other sister and I spent the last few days making funeral preparations, as much as we could ahead of time, because our parents just couldn't handle it. We weren't sure we could handle it after the fact so we took care of it while we still have a couple of brain cells left in our heads. This is the most painful part of the whole trial we have been through with my sister's cancer. She is comfortable with the pain meds and sleeps most of the time, thank God for that. Seeing her suffer on top of all this would just be unbearable. But its now more than any time before that I need support and comfort from friends and family. And yet I haven't heard a peep from any of my friends since Liz was placed on hospice. I am so disappointed, so hurt. It only adds to my pain that I also feel abandoned on top of watching my sister die. I just don't understand and I can't bring myself to call them. I think I'd just be bitter towards them right now for not calling me.  Does this make me a selfish awful person? I think it would only make me angrier for them to show up at the funeral and offer condolences when I really want them to reach out to me now. Oh sure, wait til the funeral, the social easy part for people to attend when Liz is cleaned up and looks peaceful in her casket. Avoid us when she is jerky and confused and dying. Cowards. Oops....my anger is showing. It just sucks that I am watching my baby sister die, SUCKS! Thanks for letting me rant..... Hi, So sorry to hear about your Sister, Sometimes life just doesn't make sense.  I too am struggling to keep it together whilst watching my Father dying from a horrible disease that has no preference to who will be its next victim.With regards to your Friends, sometimes people don't know how to react to severe illness(I know that is not an excuse) but don't let it eat you up.  Just remember that you will beable to help someone in the future as you have been on heartbreaking journey of experience.  I too had a close friend who lives away , she cared for her dying Father as he didn't want to go into a Hospice, She even said she had to bath him which wasn't easy for him or her.  I was there on the end of the telephone for her but  never  totally understood what she was going through.  But since my Father has been so ill she has been a great help to me always willing to speak and offer support.  So What I am saying is perhaps they just can't appreciate what you are going through and if you are honest if your Sister hadn't been ill maybe you wouldn't have been able to offer much support to anyone else.  Sometimes I think we are learning lessons and this very hard lesson , use it as you will , will make you into a better person . I know exactly what you mean because at Christmas and New year I didn't feel very jolly but obviously lots of my Friends did and I felt a little angry but because they are not going through it they coudn't appreciate how I felt and why should they.  I have one close friend who lives close by but has had several life lessons herself, she is always there for me .  One day I can be strong then the other a crying wreck . Which my be a drain on her.  Sometimes I believe that in certain times of our lives there is always one person to help us through and perhaps yours is your other Sister.  In life as you move along people will come in and out of your life and there are only maybe a handful of friends that are always there for you.  I was diagnosed once with a tumour in the eye socket and luckily it turned out to be benign but I didn't know that at the time nor did the specialists , the Friends I thought were going to be there weren't. I felt devastated as I have always prided myself on being there for people as you never know when its your turn for trauma or grief. For several years I felt sad and upset but now I realise we don't all think the same way.  So make sure you keep your mind in the right place and love the people you love and in return you will be loved.My prayers are with you .Gail (England)  Gaily Thu, 03 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT I know exactly how you feel.  Please hang in there and come to this board for the support that you need. I tend to write alot to let out my emotions that I keep bottled up. Here is something that kind of applies.I hope it helps even a little to know that we know how you are feeling at least somewhat.What they don’t see……. They sayYou are so strong They see me doing what I have to for my family They seeme put on a brave face They don’t seehow many tears I cry They don’t seeme fall apart daily They don’t seethe terror in my heart They don’t seehow much my life has changed They don’t seehow this has changed me They don’t seethe loneliness that I feel They don’t seehow their avoidance hurts me They don’t seefear in their children’s eyes They don’t seebecause their life is still intact They don’t seebecause they still don’t appreciate what they have They don’t seehow scared I am They don’t seebecause they don’t look They don’t seebecause they don’t want to see They don’t seebecause they don’t ask They don’t seehow much it hurts meThat they don’t see       robinlbr Thu, 10 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT I am so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. My step-father who raised me and my sister from time I was 5 until I was 16, died within 2 months of us finding out he had brain cancer in April1995. In August 1995 he passed away at our home on Hospice. I was Sad, Angry, and felt like God took away the one person who understood me. He basically raised me. My Dad was not around. In every form of the word, He was my Dad. I was angry at my mom for not reaching out to my younger sister and I. We all deal with it in our own ways. My older sister did not attend the funeral. She was not "able to come".  She was "too Distraught" She was cowardly in my opinion. She should have been there. We were all hurting.My biological father and I had a somewhat difficult relationship in my teens because of the person he was married to. She did not like that he had kids. When I became a mom for the first time in 1996, my Dad divorced his wife. He then lived on his own. He and I became close and he has been a part of our lives since.  My older sister did not talk to him up until a few years ago. She had alot of resentment towards him. Now she visits once a year for Christmas. It's nice, i won't lie, but I am starting to feel alot of resentment towards her. She is a massage therapist, with no kids, no significant other. Nothing to weigh her down. Yet, I am the one stepping uo to care for our dad. My dad's siblings live in Texas with the exception of one who lives near him. Yet no one helps! No one is around to help me. I would do anything for him, but I need their help! I am so angry that everyone disappears when it really matters. Losing my stepdad was hard enough. Seeinghim suffer broke my heart into a million pieces. Now, my dad is suffering and it is happeing all over again. welovedad Sat, 26 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT I can't even imagine you having to go thru this again. God Bless you and Stay Strong!! robinlbr Wed, 30 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT