CancerCompass message board discussion started by Momlynn on 1/7/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,19476,0.htm Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hi to All:   I come to the boards as a sort of therapy.  It helps me to be able to help others (at least I hope I am).  Christmas was hard but we managed.  We talked about Robbie, had a few tears, had a special gift for him that can go out to the cemetery in the spring - a Thomas Kincade Mobile and wind chime with the verse -If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane I's walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.  The giref counsellor that Robbie's 2 little girls and I are seeing told us to put something under the tree for Robbie because it would be like a large elephant was in the room otherwise.  Robbie's oldest daughter (9years old) told us she had a headache and a stomache - all of that disappeared after we opened the "special gift".  She confided later that she felt sick because Daddy did not have a Christmas gift.  I am still in deep grief - missing my beloved son every day.  I have had some people tell me to go back to work and my own mother (she is a very hard woman) has told me on several occasions that I knew from the beginning that Robbie was terminal and he is now dead, buried and in his grave - get on with it.  She does not want to speak or hear about him.  I need to speak about my wonderful boy.  He is my hero.  I cry daily for him and I will know when I am ready to begin to live again.  I know that I will never "get over it" and I will never really accept his loss I will just learn to live with it.  I hope that I am not too unhappy for most of you.  I really do believe that Robbie is safe in Jesus' arms and that he will be waiting for me at Heaven's Gate, and until that time I will continue to do what Robbie told me "one day at a time Mom - one day at a time".  Hugs to all and many prayers for all who have lost dear ones to this beast and many prayers for recovery for all of those still fighting the demon.God BlessLove Lynn Momlynn Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Lynn,I can only begin to imagine what you are going through. When I allow myself to think about losing my daddy it takes my breath and my heart feels like it's going to stop. I have a son and a daughter and the thoughts of losing either of them is unbearable. My daughter recently became a christianHowever, I certainly would not mind if the Rapture happened right now and we could all be at the feet of Jesus.I think you are the only person that can determine when and if you are ready to return to your old routine. You may need to create a new routine. But it is for you to decide.I think one of the best things you are doing is grief therapy for you and for the girls. You never really know what is going on in their minds. Children often perceive things much differently than we do.I will keep you and your granddaughters in my prayers. Love and Hugs,George's Girl GeorgesGirl Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Lynn-It's so true we each grieve differently, and you are truly honoring your process.  Don't let your Mom get to you.  I have always had a difficult time comprehending my mother's grief process over my brother.  As a parent, I could never understand how she just "got on with it" after losing a child.  I can't imagine anything more heartwrenching, and I have grieved for years although it was not the relationship of a mother-child.  Honor your feelings, as I know you are.  Again, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. tongrenhealer Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Dear Lynn,I wish there was something I could say to ease your grief!!  But I just want to say I am sorry that you have to go through this and it is a slow process that you will never get over, but will someday be able to tolerate better.  I congratulate you on the grief therapy, and I have thought about your mothers reaction to your grief.  Maybe, just maybe, she is as scared for you, and your well being, as you were for Robbie.  Each of us have our own way to greive, and hopefully your Mom loves you as much as any Mother can love a child. (Although, if you are like me, I don't think anyone loves their children as much as I love mine).  Just remember, your healing will also help Robbie's children, your daughter in law, and your family.  Try to cherish the memories, as I know you do, I hope each day is a better for you, I will remember you in my prayers.Gerri     Gerri Wed, 09 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Lynn, I have read your story and my heart goes out to you. I cannot even fathom what you must be feeling.  I pray that God will help ease your pain.  Robin  robinlbr Wed, 09 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT