CancerCompass message board discussion started by mikeshan on 1/21/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,19972,0.htm Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hi all once again thanks for all your kind words and support. Its been a whirlwind sine fri the 11th. Planning a funeral service for your wife was unbelievably hard. Too much to think about in too litlle of time. her Service was beautiful it wasnt in a church as there isnt one in town to hold the 700  people who attended.We had it at the dow centre in the theatre. We had her pink Taylormade golf clubs on stage with her favourite pink and black Taylormade hat and her pink edmonton Oiler Jersey with her Pink Oiler Hat (Shann always had her ball cap on) . her sister made a 15 minute slideshow presentation that was wonderful from a baby to a young women. It was so beautiful. I have received lots of responses of being a man and talking about my feelings on this site but to tell you all its easier to talk to strangers(even though I feel like we are a big family)  then to talk to everyone who knows me and walks in to our Bar & Grill. Sure I had my crying times and drinks the night of Shannons funeral with my best friends and we talked and laughed but this site is a great stress reliever. You can say anything and everyone understands. We had a viewing and that was the hardest thing I ever have done. I know some people need closure but I sure wish that would of never happened. Didnt look like her, all that embalming and stuff. Saying goodbye in the ambulance and the service was enough for me. Went to work on Fri the 18th and stayed in my office and just did paperwork. drove around the block of the bar 3 times before I could go in.  Today (Mon) was better I worked lunch and served customers like I always do. I wanted to play a song at Shann`s viewing but after I went in the first time (i was gonna play the song at the end) I couldnt go back in the room at the funeral home. It,s called All I EVER NEEDED by Bret Michaels. The chorus goes  We didn`t need fortune, Didn`t need fame, Just a little shelter from the rain, Your heart to hold on to, when times got tough you pulled me through, We didn`t need a castle made of stone, Just you there as I grow old, Your heart to hold on to, All I Ever needed Was You.....    I love i can just type and vent on this site you all r grear listeners. I hope everyone fighting this Demon Disease is staying strong. Dont Give Up.  My little girl is my reason to go everyday what I would do without her I don`t know. We say goodnight to mommy every night to the stars at the window `` I love u Always and Forever... Sweet Dreams``I miss my wifeMikey  mikeshan Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mike,      Your message was so beautiful. It would make anybody cry. It is so obvious and has been on all your postings how much you love your wife. It seems so unfair that she had to be taken from you and your daughter.    I, too feel like people here understand better and I can say anything I want without being judged.  I wish I could say something to ease the pain you are going through but I know only time can help. I don't miss my brother any less after almost 5 years but that intense pain I felt right after he died is gone.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.                                                                      Pat    Patty5 Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT I am sorry for your loss...my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 gastric cancer with mets to the liver and lymph nodes he is going through chemo now....we too have a young child...a son, age 15....My heart goes out to you and your daughter....may God bless and keep you in the hollow of his hands... tbtahoe Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mikey,My heart aches for you and your daughter.  It's been a year since my husband passed.  Some days are really good and some are bad, but it is getting easier.  It will never be the same but you will adjust to a "different normal".  I empathize with the "viewing".  I chose a closed coffin for my husband.  I said my goodbye when he passed at home.  When my parents passed away I never went into the room with the casket because I didn't want to remember them that way.    I was traumatized when I was younger at my Grandfather's "viewing" and haven't been able to deal with that since.  Anyway, come here whenever you need to and "talk".  It cathartic for all of us.  God Bless and give you strength. allpoos Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mike,Thanks for your post.  You have crossed my mind several times in the last week.  I can't fathom your pain but sounds like you are getting by and staying strong for your daughter.  I am amazed by your strength, especially being able to carry on at work.  I guess I found that keeping busy and doing the normal "stuff" helped me too when my dad passed away.  I am glad for this site and still come to it weekly even though my dad has been gone 6 months now.  The people here are so kind and understand my pain, better than my husband does I think.Debby Debbyw67 Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi Mike:  You must be extremely strong to be able to return to work so soon.  I realize that you need to get out, but I have to admire you.  I lost my beloved Robbie 3 months ago and I still can't even think about going back to work at this point in time.  Keep coming to the board.  Everyone here has  been touched by this Demon in one way or another and I feel the same as you do that in some way we are one big family.  I know they say that time will heal all sorrow and I guess we both have to wait for that.Hugs to you and Alyssa, and God BlessLove Lynn  Momlynn Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT I am sorry for your heart ache and sorrow.  It sounds like it was a beautiful service.  My husband and I have already talked about the viewing issue and we will not be doing it.  He doesn't want it and neither do I.  He doesn't look like himself right now as it is and I want everyone to remember his smile and his life presence.  You've reaffirmed that for me.  I am sorry you had to go through it.  Thank you for sharing.KatyB KatyB Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT My god, this just brought tears to my eyes. You loved Shannon so much. I have been lurking here, and reading everyones updates, especially yours and was so incredibly sad to read of her passing. My father passed away on September 25th from Stage 4 Gastric Cancer, and although it is so hard to get through every day without him, losing a spouse just seems so unfair. I pray to god to give you the strength to face each day with the courage you have already displayed. Kristennyc Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 1/21/2008 mikeshan wrote:Hi all once again thanks for all your kind words and support. Its been a whirlwind sine fri the 11th. Planning a funeral service for your wife was unbelievably hard. Too much to think about in too litlle of time. her Service was beautiful it wasnt in a church as there isnt one in town to hold the 700  people who attended.We had it at the dow centre in the theatre. We had her pink Taylormade golf clubs on stage with her favourite pink and black Taylormade hat and her pink edmonton Oiler Jersey with her Pink Oiler Hat (Shann always had her ball cap on) . her sister made a 15 minute slideshow presentation that was wonderful from a baby to a young women. It was so beautiful. I have received lots of responses of being a man and talking about my feelings on this site but to tell you all its easier to talk to strangers(even though I feel like we are a big family)  then to talk to everyone who knows me and walks in to our Bar & Grill. Sure I had my crying times and drinks the night of Shannons funeral with my best friends and we talked and laughed but this site is a great stress reliever. You can say anything and everyone understands. We had a viewing and that was the hardest thing I ever have done. I know some people need closure but I sure wish that would of never happened. Didnt look like her, all that embalming and stuff. Saying goodbye in the ambulance and the service was enough for me. Went to work on Fri the 18th and stayed in my office and just did paperwork. drove around the block of the bar 3 times before I could go in.  Today (Mon) was better I worked lunch and served customers like I always do. I wanted to play a song at Shann`s viewing but after I went in the first time (i was gonna play the song at the end) I couldnt go back in the room at the funeral home. It,s called All I EVER NEEDED by Bret Michaels. The chorus goes  We didn`t need fortune, Didn`t need fame, Just a little shelter from the rain, Your heart to hold on to, when times got tough you pulled me through, We didn`t need a castle made of stone, Just you there as I grow old, Your heart to hold on to, All I Ever needed Was You.....    I love i can just type and vent on this site you all r grear listeners. I hope everyone fighting this Demon Disease is staying strong. Dont Give Up.  My little girl is my reason to go everyday what I would do without her I don`t know. We say goodnight to mommy every night to the stars at the window `` I love u Always and Forever... Sweet Dreams``I miss my wifeMikey hey, I know .... I Iost my husband 4 months ago tomorrow.  It is VERY hard....sometimes it's like a dream....as it goes on I really can't believe how short of a time he was sick.   It seemed like it was forever when he was.  Now I hate looking at thoughs pictures of how he looked the last month.  But of course I look at thoughs pictures even though I hate them.  We were married twenty years and did everything together.   It's something you never really think would happen to you!   It's amazing how everyone takes Life for granted because I know I sure did....He passed a way at home so I was there and saw him leave.   I had to tell him  to go that his Mom and Dad were waiting.  He was ready prior but I know he was waiting for me to say it was time.   I hate when people say at least he's not suffering anymore!    Because I sure am!!!!......I had hospice here so that was very helpful.....   He had esphogeal cancer.    Hope you can find a light at the end of your tunnel.   Just take each day a second at a time..... Gerald50 Sat, 26 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT