CancerCompass message board discussion started by Momlynn on 1/30/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,20486,0.htm Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hello All:  I check the boards on a regular basis.  I cannot say that I feel a whole lot better than before because it is not true.  I still have thoughts wondering why my son, wondering if I could have done more, wondering if I was right in telling him to go, just wanting to hear his voice and see his dear face other than in pictures. I have put up pictures of Robbie and his family and his brothers and us all over my house.  It makes me feel better to see him.  I am not yet ready to return to the law office and I am seriously considering retiring one year earlier than planned.  I planned to retire at 60 and I will be 59 in a few months.  It still seems unreal to me that my son is gone and yet I know that it is all too true.  I spend a lot of time with his daughters and they are afraid that something will happen to me and then what will happen to them while Mom works.  Maria has no-one but my husband and I, one sister of her own and Robbie's brothers.  Maria's sister does not live in Brantford and so she relies on me a lot and I hope that we are helping each other through this time.  I am back doing some volunteer work at our church and hopefully this will help.  We also have spent time with family and friends.  I guess it is just going to take time to get to the "new normal".  We are planning trips with the trailer which we bought last year to take Robbie and his family camping - we have to make new memories.  Nothing seems to make a lot of sense to me right now.  I know that my concentration is not there to go back to my legal assistant's job as I work in personal injury law.  I have been considering this for some time and will make a final decision in a few months.  I feel that right now I need to be available for Robbie's girls and cannot be if I am working.  I am taking it one day at a time and hope to be able to give everyone better news soon.  I wish all who are still fighting this demon all the best - somewhere there has to be something which can be done.  For all who have lost their loved ones - I feel your pain and wish you God's Blessing.Hugs to all - I feel as though I know youLove Lynn Momlynn Wed, 30 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT hi i'm so sorry to hear about your loss. my mum is diagnosed with stage IV EC as they found cysts in her liver. were so worried about her. what stage was your son diiagnosed with? our prayers are with your family. hope that your doing ok! just hand in there!   sydoz Wed, 30 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT lynn i sent u a private reply on my message you responded to. All i can say and idont know if it helps is to keep busy with something that takes your mind off things even if it is for an hour or two i couldnt not go back to work cause it helps me take my sorrow away for at least a couple of hours. plus i have to make money for me and alyssa owning your own business sucks sometimes....... my little one starts daycare feb 1 and its gonna be hard but kids need to be around kids to have fun not always watching us be sad. they see our sadness even though they dont say it. I know u mis your son tremendously but try to make everyday a good day for his daughters. Grandmas always know whats right!   spoil,  laugh, and let them have fun they will never forget just like u won't  hope this kinda helps. mikey mikeshan Thu, 31 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Lynn-It sounds like you are making small steps, which is all you can do.  Glad to hear you are out doing a bit of volunteer work again, even if you don't feel ready to take your job back on. I'm sure you are a great comfort to Maria and the kids, and it takes a lot of effort to push on. Maybe in a few months you will feel differently about work. Hard to imagine now i'm sure, but maybe giving it a bit more time before you decide might be best. Although you probably want to be fair to the boss and give notice if you don't plan to go back, this is an extenuating circumstance and you may just need to be gentle with yourself and give it time.  God bless you and yours.  tongrenhealer Thu, 31 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi:  My son, Robbie, was diagnosed at Stage IV on April 6, 2006.  He had many cancerous cysts in his liver at the time of his diagnosis.  The doctors only gave him 3-4 months WITH treatment.  Fortunately for us, God gave him 18 months and one week.  Robbie was not a candidate for surgery because of the cancer in his liver.  He chose to fight very aggressively and he had an unusually agressive and fast growing type of cancer - adenocarcinoma.  He fought valiantly for the entire time and he asked me to be strong for him.  I am now suffering the emotional and physical problems with the grief I withheld during his battle.  I am busy with his children and that helps.  My doctor has said that I am not even close to being ready to return to work at the law office since I work in personal injury law.  Robbie did try everything that was available to him.Please don't let Robbie's battle influence your hope.  NEVER give up hope.  I finally had to and I told my beloved boy to go with Jesus if He came.  I will pray for you and your family.God BlessLove Lynn Momlynn Thu, 31 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT