CancerCompass message board discussion started by torontogal on 2/5/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,20656,0.htm Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hello all. I was just wondering if anyone of you have recently lost a loved one to this horrible disease. I would love to know how you are dealing with your loss. I lost my dad 2 weeks ago (1 month after diagnosis). I miss him dearly and crying all the time. I am trying to tell myself that - he is in a better place and not suffering but I am stil feeling very sad. Would love to know your experiences with greif. Thanks. torontogal Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT Dear Friend,My dad has PC - he was fishing in the gulf of mexico on a Monday and diagnosed with PC that Friday.  I can't make any sense of it.  I am sorry to hear about your loss .... and don't have any magic answers.  But I want you to know I will pray for you this evening.  There are a lot of us out there (here).  I think the best way to deal is by reaching out to people who feel and know your (our) pain.  Good luck moving forward ........ matthogan Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT Two weeks is a very short time. Grieving is a long process and you need to give yourself a lot of time. I lost my husband to PC on June 27, 2007 and I still grieve everyday. Not the same as I did at first. Now I'm at the point where the knowledge that his suffering is over isn't enough to make me feel better. I just miss him. You might want to find a grief support group. Try to find one that meets your particular needs. I'm a fairly young widow and the groups I tried consisted of people 15 to 20+years older than me. They were nice people but none of them had young children like me. In fact, I thought that my presence in one group made the other folks feel worse! They were so upset about me and the kids; they were a little obsessed. Now I just speak to my pastor from time to time, He was a good friend to my husband and most of the time, he cries right along with me. Still it feels good just to say my frustrations and fears that I keep hidden from the kids to someone who cares. He has no solutions (there is no solution) but he listens. Try to find someone who will do that for you. I am so sorr for your loss. I hate pancreatic cancer. The Wife Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT My mom died last January.  She was diagnosed May 2006 and died January 2007.  She was my everything.  I talked to her a million times a day.  When she died I thought I would never, ever get through it.  Well it's a year later and it's better.  Not to say I don't miss her every minute and that I wish she were here, but things are more calm now.  It seems as if she has been gone for a long time.You will get through it.  You need time.  You need to feel everything you are feeling.   One thing that helped me was talking to a conselor.  It's good to have someone who is supposed to listen to you and give you advice etc.  One thing that helps me get through all of this is that she is still apart of my life.  She is apart of everything I do.   I know this seems impossible to imagine now, but just because he is gone doesn't mean that he not apart of your life and always will be.It's so hard, give yourself a break.  I promise, it gets better.    Lbd004 Wed, 06 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT Dear Toronto,I have good days and bad days.  Just when I begin to feel that I have accepted my Dad's passing, something reminds me of him and I'm crushed all over again.  I know I am not done grieving yet.  I have not been able to sleep without taking a sleep aid.  At my parents' house is a closet where he kept all his tennis equipment and all his outerwear.  I am overcome with such sadness everytime I open it.  But each time I am at their house, I am drawn to that closet because I can still "smell" him in there, a mixture of cologne and sweat from his tennis stuff.  I miss him terribly.  I haven't made any steps to speak to a grief counselor. I feel that my mother should go because she is shutting out the entire world.  We're trying our best to make her leave the house and do things unrelated to taking care of my dad's last financial affiars.I know one day, we will all heal and move on, friend.  In the meantime, know that you are not alone.  Stay strong.  Celebrate your father's life by continuing to live yours purposefully.  That's what I am doing.Always,Geri  Gerrime Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT I lost my beautiful Mother on July 9th, 2007- she was diagnosed Feb 3, 2007.   It's amazing how timelines become so important when you are reading other's journeys....you think, 'oh this person had more time' or 'that person went so much quicker than my Mom did'  .....I really looked at this Feb 3rd as a horrible day because of how our lives changed JUST within a years' amount of time.  But I agree with many others that it takes the amount of time necessary for YOU.  Mom knew, from the diagnosis that this was what was going to take her- it was the 'when' nobody knew.   I was with her when she took her last breath and I have had dreams and 'flashbacks', during the day when my mind would be preoccupied with my small children or work- then I would have to tuck myself away for a 1/2 hour or so....but it just never started feeling better.   ...until I decided to try something that sleeping pills, or alcohol, or anything else could help with.   I asked God for forgiveness for forgetting that HE gave Mom to me to begin with, and I had been so selfish to want her to stay with me as sick as she was.  I thanked Him for giving us the extra time with her, and that he did not let her die alone, say in a tragic car accident or something.  I admitted that I still have every thing Mom ever gave me and I have the ability to still keep her love alive everyday....then it dawned on me that that is all God wants from us is to realize the suffering of losing His son and remember Him everyday- in everything we do- to keep His love alive.  I finally asked that my bad dreams of how sick Mom was would stop and THEY DID.  I have had dreams that include Mom now- but she is just a part of them- it's not a dream 'about' her.......and she is beautiful and healthy again.  I don't think God wants us to hurt for very long- it does feel as if it's getting easier.  But, I believe it is because I have asked for His help...and believed He would help. Hope4jackie Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT You are so right, all you have to do is take the time to take to God. he will answer your prayers in one way or another. It is so hard to let go of our loved ones. My Brother was killed in Vietnam, when I was just 15 years old, my Mother went into a downward spiral, she quit going to church, quit going out, stayed in all the time, she had to have hysterectomy. I had to come home from school on my lunch hour to feed and take care of her. I grew up way to fast. It's hard to remember my teen years, they are just a blurr. I watched my Mother suffer from pancreatic cancer, go through a major surgery, only to have a massive stroke, kept on feedling tubes etc. She died April 5, 2004, she suffered for 31 months. I tell everybody, if your parent dies in their sleep, get down on your hands and knees and thank God. For they did not have to suffer. I watched my Mother go from 131 pounds to 67 pounds. My children asked if her eyes could sink into her head any further. How do you answer that? My Father has had prostate cancer and brain cancer, was given 6-9 months to live back in September of 2001. He has beaten it, he is over 6 years out of his surgery, and is a walking, talking miracle. I thank God everyday for the time I have with him. If I thought for a minute that he was suffering, like my Mother did, I would be prayings to God to take him home with him. God bless you and keep your chin up. Lacunadoxie Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT I lost my mum 28th feb this year, eight months after diagnosis, it was so quick and her death was very unexpected.  I find it very hard losing her as she was such a good person to everyone.  Things seem so unreal at times (I cant believe that it has happened) and then I tend to snap out of it as I know that she is gone.  Its very difficult as I dont feel there is enough time to grieve, (you have to move with the times otherwise you get left behind and end up playing catching up).  My mum was the leader in my family, the glue that kept us together.  We are just taking our time adjusting our lives without her, thats all we can do. Cheekydevil Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT