CancerCompass message board discussion started by smerk on 2/7/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,20730,0.htm Sun, 06 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sun, 06 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I recently found out that my mother has been diagnosed with colon cancer. It was a big blow to the image I had of my mom. She's so tuff, so... unbreakable. For the last 3 yrs. she has refused to talk to me due to a disagreement even thoe I call and stop by. And on this day, out of the blue, I got a call. What made the pain even worse was that, not only did she have this potentaly fatal desies, but that she was diagnosed 2 yrs. ago, underwent surgery and chimotherapy and THEN called to tell me. My mom has always been pretty simple. I think the biggest thing shes ever asked for was a $10 bottel of body wash that she liked the smell of. All I want to do now is be with her. I don't care about the fights or the diffrences between us. I just want her to get healthyer and happyer every day. My mother is very religious. I have always admiered her conviction and faith. But I want to figure out a wa to tell her she should lean on her children for strength too. Don't just talk to god, talk to the kids god gave you. We love you too. smerk Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT I just logged into this message board for the first time a few minutes ago.  Your message touched my heart.  I have two children who are in their 20s I am battling cancer for the third time.  I guess because I want to protect my children from worry I shield them from details.  They do know I have cancer, but whenever they ask about it I tell them I am doing fine, which isn't all together true.  Your message made me think. thank-you Katduu Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT This is also my first night useing this chat room. I just don't know where to turn to. Everyone in my mothers life is are so close to god that it seems they use him as an exscused to not be human and just feel something. Yes, I too belive in the bible but I also belive that god geve us feelings and loveing family and friends to support us when we are week. Please take it from the daughter of one touched by cancer... don't keep your last thoughts and feelings to yourself. It is sad that it takes something like cancer to make us want to live life fully alert but... maby that is just what it takes now days.Keep kicking cancers butt. Love- all the daughters of servivors smerk Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT It is very hard to show pain or hurt to your child.  I think it is almost an instinct to protect them, to be strong for them.  You think if your child sees your pain they may be scared or hurt, and you just want to protect them from that.  I had never even thought that this may not be the best thing for my children, as your mother probably did not.  Maybe if you tell your mother how you feel it may help, but please remember the need to protect is strong. Katduu Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 2/7/2008 smerk wrote:This is also my first night useing this chat room. I just don't know where to turn to. Everyone in my mothers life is are so close to god that it seems they use him as an exscused to not be human and just feel something. Yes, I too belive in the bible but I also belive that god geve us feelings and loveing family and friends to support us when we are week. Please take it from the daughter of one touched by cancer... don't keep your last thoughts and feelings to yourself. It is sad that it takes something like cancer to make us want to live life fully alert but... maby that is just what it takes now days.Keep kicking cancers butt. Love- all the daughters of servivorsHi Smerk,Although you and your mom have gone through a lot, I am glad to see that you are now rebuilding your relationship. I am also an adult daughter of protective parents. My dad has stage IV esophageal cancer. We (4 adult children) were never told that he was having any problems and that he had had surgery until his cancer diagnosis. I was very angry that my parents had kept this information away from us, but as a parent I understood completely. I find myself doing similar things (on a much smaller level) with my own children.As far as the God thing goes...I am a christian and believe in God with my whole body, heart, and soul. Throughout this crisis in my life I have relied on God for everything. I've had to-cancer makes you feel completely helpless. Yes, I have felt angry, hurt, scared, and so very sad, and continue to feel that way, but God has given me a peace that goes beyond all understanding. I have a sneaking suspicion that your mom has experienced this too. I don't know how my dad got cancer or why he got it. But I do know that God is teaching me a lot about trusting Him moment by moment with the unknown and living by faith knowing that whatever the circumstances, He is truly working it all out for the good of His children and for His glory. Why don't you start by telling your mom how you feel and then ask her how she is handling the circumstances so well. Pray that your mom will begin to see you as an adult child rather than a young child. That's a very hard thing for a mother to do. As you become closer and closer with your mom I am sure you will be with her when she gets "down." Everything is not alright, but your mom has the assurance that no matter how bad things get here on other earth, that God will never leave or forsake her.I hope that things continue to improve between you and your mother. Cherish the time you have with her.    GeorgesGirl Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT I've just been thrown into this who CANCAR COMMUNITY and the effects of being an honorary member. I look at the world completly different now. Every magazine, news program, Halmark comertial... is about cancer in my mind. I'm saveing clips of information, reserching diatary info to help care for mom and... Now I have had diarea and the constant urge to deficate for about a year. I was living in Pakastan for three months of it so I assumed it was just the food and water. Now, I have been in America for 6 months now and it isn't getting any better. I also have the classic syptoms off discharge, pain, cramping, loss of apatite, blood, fatigue. But, my doctor won't listen to me. I have county health due to my limited income and he hasn't spent more then 10 min. with me all year. He actualy diagnosed me with asthma and anxiety because I told him I get so weak it feels like my oxogen isn't getting to my body. The doctor swares I'm imaging things or that I shoul "just take some yoga, or drink more water" I think were his exact words. I so scart. I'm about to move 24 hrs. from my current home to care for my sick mother and I am feeling more and more like she described she felt right before her doctor checked her. I want to barge into the Dr.'s office and demand a colon cancer screening but...What if? I have it, I get sick, I can't care for my mother. My mother blames herself at all. My mother trys to take over and care for me.NO. NO. NO. It won't happen. She will have everything she needs if I have to be in deniel untill the last day of her life and wear depends to her mamorial. Now is not my time... it is hers. I just hope and pray that my mom is ok. I don't have time to worry about me (while I wright this I need to use the bathrom AGAIN).Talk to you later.R. Fox smerk smerk Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT