CancerCompass message board discussion started by tashfish on 2/11/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,20818,0.htm Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Ok, so I know the answer to my own question, NEVER, really...... But it has been almost 3 months since I lost my Daddy to stomach cancer, and I can't stand the sadness.  I recognize my grief, and I know that's what is important.  I know that it is ok to hurt.  But I hate that I'll have a day when I'll be ok, and then I'll have moments like now when just breathing reminds me of him, and I miss him so much, and I don't know what to do. I hate this stupid disease, and I hate that it took my father away from me. I know he's still here, but he's not HERE... I don't expect an answer to my sadness from anyone. I'm trying to find a support group to physically go to but work and such makes it hard.  No one can take my grief away from me or make it better. ...I guess right now I just need to feel like I'm not alone. I can only have so many moments when I tell myself it was his life plan, and that God meant for my Daddy to be with Him now.  I love God, but sometimes it just doesn't make me feel better.  Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?? Anyone?  tashfish Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT I totally understand where you are coming from .I lost my mom in June 2007 to lung cancer and I still miss her terribly and I don't want to forget her, not that I could. I lost my dad 5 years ago, so I know that they are together but sometomes I feel very  lonely and like a orphaan when I am a grown woman. I knowq with my dad the pain does ease and there actually is a time when you can think of them and smile not cry. I am not there yet with my mom. Just keep thinking that you dad would not want yout to feel this sad and have is disrupt your life. Idon't know if I have been of any help, but I hope so. Sandi stlars55 Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi,I went to a grief support group about seven or eight months after my father died suddenly from a heart attack.  It was a support group through hospice and I recommend you look into doing that for yourself.  It somehow helped to be in a place where I could cry freely without worrying about the effect on others.  We were all in the same place.  I'm really sorry for your pain.  I don't think it ever goes away; but it does change.  It took me about a year to become interested in my life again.      Roz  Rosalind Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi i know exactly to  T what u are feeling read the my story it might help derick Message: AFTER THEY ARE GONE Caregiverderick Recommend this Message Report AbuseIgnore UserUn-Ignore User Email a Friend Already Tracking [Remove] Subject: AFTER THEY ARE GONE Date: 02/09/2008After nursing my wife full time for over two years helping her to fight her cancer we lost the fight and I lost her in sept 07, it is true that all the nursing staff, doctors, paramedics and all other people involved with her welfare done a wonderful job my special thanks to St Margaret hospice in Taunton as during her illness and, indeed after she had departed from me also all the agency involved done a wonderful job helping me to get myself sorted out, not being a stranger to losing someone ie, family aunts uncles and the like I thought I would be ok handling this experience but boy was I wrong my mind sent me into places I did not know, that enormous black pit that one seems to fall down is such  an awful place the sides are vertical it is very deep and very dark and very lonely, during this transition I found that during the day there is all the help that one could ask for and some very nice and knowledgeable people are at hand at the end of the phone. Friends family gather round to help but what one needs to make it all better is not there and they wont be coming back it is excepting this that is one of the hard things I wont say it is the hardest thing because it is not believe me there are plenty of other things to deal with, after a time people start to leave you alone don’t visit as much and start to phone every day and then it gets to every two days or so and so it gradually gets to the point where they think all is well with you and life seems to start to go at a normal pace yes this is a fare assumption someone dies people grieve people get over it, not always the case my friend the loss of someone so close to the heart brings on a total new life or should I say existence because for a time that is exactly what it is, being left alone to cope with stuff that you use to sort out as a couple, a new thing doing all the daily chores alone instead of sharing them, shopping on your own instead of doing as a couple, functioning seems to have gone to pot the world looks dark people look strange scary even, not being able to go out of the house and mix with people, feel like life is over and not worth caring about these and many more emotions are what we have to deal with, during the day there is more than  enough people to help one cope but after 6 pm or before 8.30 am there is not a lot to help this is what I found anyhow, that black pit gets darker and darker and deeper and deeper until then you find your self needing to talk to someone not family not friends but someone who has been in the same place as you are now, yes I know that the Samaritans are there for every one but with the greatest of respect to the Samaritans that is not always what one desires it is being able to talk to someone who knows exactly where you are, because they have been there done the course been down that black hole and crawled back out of it, All of this I have been thru, and I still am as I am sure the monsters in my head are not done with me yet, there have been many nights I have sat there wishing all could be back to normal and wishing that there was someone in my position or have been in this position that I could talk to but there isn’t this prompted me to writing this on a blog I am here for anyone who wants some one to chat to in the hours that there is no one just e mail me and I will be there for you after your first e mail I will then give you a phone number that you can call me on .That early morning when my wife died  in my arms almost all of me died with her, yes I had help to call on  but the journey I travelled with my wife and indeed after her fight was over it taught me a lesson although I cared for her and I learned all there was to know  about her particular cancer what to do for her at various stages in the journey the best food to give her  and mainly keep her happy and smiling as she always did, the feeling of guilt that perhaps I didn’t do enough for her left me with a mission to go on, it is my intentions to help as many people like myself to get over the pain and indeed if I can give any ungarnished advise I will do so or put you on the rite path to get that help by doing this it will mean her  suffering and her death will not be in vain so for now my friend chin up and think for tomorrow because it does get better each day dont get me wrong my friend i am under no illusion that the monsters in my head have withdrawn completly i am sure they will come and go but for now well lets see  good luck to all derick Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT No, you have been of help. Sometimes it's little things like knowing someone truly understands, and doesn't need to say a lot, that makes a difference. Thanks, and hugs=) tashfish Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT I thank everyone so much for your support.  I thought I would add this.  A friend sent it to me today, and it brought me to tears, but it made me feel good at the same time.  God bless and hugs to you all!!http://youtube.com/watch?v=zCdZwitrNoY tashfish Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT