CancerCompass message board discussion started by ja83ja on 2/24/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,21267,0.htm Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I'm new here and just need some advice.  One of my very dear friends was just diagnosed with MM a couple of days ago.  He is 44 and was already the primary caregiver for his parents.  His father also has cancer (different type) and his mother has severe alzheimers.  Now this.  I live in Co and he's in NY.  What's the best way that I can show him support?  I was already planning a trip to see him in the next week, but now it's taken on a new meaning.  Right now he is very depressed.  Any suggestions?  Thanks for any help on this.... ja83ja Sun, 24 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT  First off he is overwhelmed, his parents have issues and now he is facing a deadly form of cancer. Email daily if you can.  I would suggest he contact Cancer Treatment Centers of America www.cancercenter.com they have live help. His disease is deadly so he needs to attend to it immediately.He needs to have someone take over the care of his parents. Do they have relatives? Does he need financial assistance, Can he afford in home help or nursing home help. If so then the parents will just have to go.He needs to take care of himself first. This decision is not selfish but one of survival. Find someone nearby to be an advocate for him with his parents and himself. He is muddled and can't make decisions well when depressed.  Visit when you can. He has a great friend all the best.  MMS On 2/24/2008 ja83ja wrote:I'm new here and just need some advice.  One of my very dear friends was just diagnosed with MM a couple of days ago.  He is 44 and was already the primary caregiver for his parents.  His father also has cancer (different type) and his mother has severe alzheimers.  Now this.  I live in Co and he's in NY.  What's the best way that I can show him support?  I was already planning a trip to see him in the next week, but now it's taken on a new meaning.  Right now he is very depressed.  Any suggestions?  Thanks for any help on this....  mmsurvivor Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi JaJa --Sorry to hear about your friend, but he is very lucky to have you in his corner!!  Collecting as much information as you can, being as positive as possible, recognising that this is not the best disease to have but that tremendous headway has been made with treatments and as Craig has mentioned, we are getting ever closer to seeing Myeloma as a chronic rather than a terminal disease.  Therefore in the not too distant future we will probably be medicating like people with diabetes with a couple of tablets a day to manage the condition.  The first couple of weeks after diagnosis are the worst, because one is worrying about a mystery.  But you, and he, will find that this worry will ease as he makes decisions regarding treatments and how he wants to undertake this journey.  He does have a huge load on his shoulders in caring for his parents, but there are many services and agencies who have been set up for the specific purpose of helping people in HIS situation.  When you go to visit you can help him by attending doctors/social workers/financial advisors etc. as his advocate, for he will be overwhelmed by all of the information in one big hit and you can help him to filter out what he does and does not need.  Your friend is blessed to have your love and support. His 'time' is probably not being calculated in hours/days/weeks - but rather months/years, etc.  during which he will be provided with many of the so called 'novel' treatments that are now on the market.  From reading this site I'm sure that you've read about many of us who are 2-8 years post diagnosis and still going well.  So do not dispair, look for the positive and get your hands on all the information that you can.  The International Myeloma Foundation (IMF) which you can get through Google has a heap of FREE information which I'm sure will be of great help to you both.  Best wishes, Cath poppy/cath Wed, 27 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT