CancerCompass message board discussion started by mikeshan on 3/21/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,22235,0.htm Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hi all, Hope everyone is doing well. Alyssa and i got back from disneyland a week ago.(my mom and dad went with us as well) We had a great time. I thought 4 years old was going to be too young but boy was I wrong. The looks on her face and excitement was unbelievable.  I know Shannon was watching down on us with big smiles too.  The days and nights are still no easier I wonder when they will be. Hopefully soon. Is it disrepectful if i take my wedding ring off? Should I put it on my other hand? I find that wearing it I always look at it fiddle with it and then get sad. Maybe its different for someone who looses a spouse at 35 compared to 70 i dont know. I bought a granite rock that they cored a hole in the bottom and put Shannons ashes inside and its by some trees in the cemetery. It says We Will Love You Always & Forever    Sweet Dreams.  Its hard to go out there but I usually go once a week even if its only for 5 minutes.  My little one keeps asking if I am going to Heaven when I'm 38 too so thats been tough trying to explain to her Daddy 's gonna be around a long time.  Hope everyone out there is fightin the battle as much as possible. I have a little note on my fridge that I read everyday that kinda makes me feel better and for anyone who has lost a family member maybe it will help.No More Medicine No More Pain.I miss you.take care allMike  mikeshan Fri, 21 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi Mike!  I think of you and Alyssa often and am glad to hear from you!!  I am so touched that you made your trip to Disneyworld with Alyssa!  I'm sure it was bittersweet for you as so many things will be.  As far as your rings, Mike, there is no right or wrong.  You love your wife with all your heart and you were there for her 1000%.  Now, I feel you need to do what makes your healing process easier.  The glimpses we got of Shannon through your sharing her with us told me that she was such a colorful woman.  A woman who not only lived but LOVED TO LIVE!!   She sounded like someone full of life and spirit and joy and happiness.  Mike, I know it is impossible to fully feel this yet, but Shannon wants you to live life and love life like she did!  What better tribute to her!!  I feel that is the what she would want to teach Alyssa too.  My mom lost my dad at 75 and was with him a total of 61 years (including friendship and dating).  It's been almost a year and it is tough!!  Half of her whole being is gone!!  But, she knows my Dad loved to live and wants her to live too as well as me and my brother.  Mike, Shannon KNOWS the love you have for her.  I know she would be okay with you taking off your ring, or switching hands or piercing your nose with it for that matter :-)  or even putting it in a special place.  Nothing will change your love for her.  She knows that!!  Mike, there is no right or wrong way to "be".  Just "be".  It's all okay my friend.  You can always lay your head down at night and be proud of the husband your were and the father you are!!   It's so good to hear from you Mike.  I don't post much, but check the board all the time still, so, if you can, keep us updated now and again.  God speed Mike!  Stay in touch please!~  Karen   Worriedsick Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi Mike,       Karen said it all perfectly in her post to you. I agree. No right or wrong about the ring. You need to do whatever makes YOU feel better.    I am so glad you took Alyssa to Disney ! I know she enjoyed herself and I'll bet it did you a world of good to see her happy.   It was good to see your posting.                                                                Pat Patty5 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Glad you posted. Wondered about you and Alyssa on Easter. I agree with the others that whatever works best for you is the "right" way to be. You have to honor your own process. Am glad you recognize the small joys such as Alyssa's delight over your recent trip, in spite of the sadness of losing your wife. May your heart's continue to heal, and may you be showered in many of the small but sweet blessings life can bring. tongrenhealer Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Dear Mike,I know what a terrible time this is for you, but I understand from previous posting you have returned to work and are trying to establish a new normal for you and your precious daughter.  I bet Disney was a blast that your daughter will treasure always.  There will be alot of firsts, first birthdays, first Easters, first Christmas, first time you take your ring off.  Who knows when that time is right except you,  and how you will accept it emotionally.  Do what feels right.  If you take it off tonight and tomorrow you feel naked without it, put it back on.  Trust me there is no pattern book to go by with this one.  Just do the best you can, one day at a time. Let you heart guide you.God Bless You.Gerri      Gerri Tue, 25 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT