CancerCompass message board discussion started by susanah on 3/23/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,22276,0.htm Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I was diagnosed last week with breast cancer.  I told my two daughters and it was very hard.  They both cried.  I will have surgery sometime in the next few weeks.  The problem is how to tell my mother.  She is 77 years old and is the worst worrier I've ever known.  She recently lost a friend to cancer and I know this will keep her up nights.  But, she lives close and it would be hard to keep it from her.  Any suggestions? susanah Sun, 23 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Susan,Just tell your mom-as you know...us moms of the world can take quite a bit.  Of course she'll worry-just as she has for all the years since you were born!Give her credit-she can take it, believe me.  She'd probably be so hurt if you kept it from her. Draw strength from each other and do what needs to be done. Chrisobrn Sun, 23 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT hi SusanWhen i found out i was stage 3 bc i worried about telling my dad, he is 80.. He also lives four and a half hours away and i knew he wouldnt be able to see me unless someone picked him up. I had to phone him and believe it or not he was alot calmer than i thought he would be.I think i cried more then he did. Telll your mom she might surprise you.My dad was my greatest  supporter. One thing he said to me was that as a parent it was his worst nightmare but he beleived in me and knew i was a fighter. Good luck to you i hope i helped.Just remember that we as parents love uncondtionaly and when our children are at their weakest we become stronger . Im sure your mom will be ok. i know as our parents get older we worry about what to tell them but they are our parents and they need to know laborerlady Sun, 23 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Telling your parents is extremely difficult.  I called my brother and let him tell them when he went to visit them a day later.  They immediately wanted to fly to Atlanta to be by my side.  I couldn't deal with them worrying and asking me questions so I told them I felt great, I would beat it and not to worry. After all you are their child and they believe no matter how old you are they need to protect you.  I found out I had invasive lobular breast cancer in November of 2007.   My mother is 87, my dad is 89.  I'm divorced, live alone and travel for my job.  My advise to you is tell them as little as possible.  Tell them when your next doctor appointment is and how well the treatment is going.  No details as they will worry and it could affect their health.  It's tough to do but I don't think they can take it at their age and I couldn't take dealing with them worrying about me.  While they still look at their little girl, I'm not little anymore. Good luck.  It is extremely hard dealing with elderly parents.  I want mine to believe I doing okay and by believing that, I am okay. whirlaway Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT thank you.  I'm seeing my mom later today and I have spent more hours dealing with the decision of what to tell her than I have spent dealing with what to do at my next appt with the doctor.  Every parent is different.  Some are comforting and relate from a place of wisdom and life experience.  But some, like my mother, are emotional and stressed out even when there isn't anything wrong.  I love her dearly but I think the idea of telling her as little as possible is the right way to go.  She will invent plenty of horror stories in her own mind without me telling her anything at all.  I think I need to continue to think of her health and well-being as well as looking after my own.  Maybe time will help me to with this question, and I appreciate all the good advice. susanah Tue, 25 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT