CancerCompass message board discussion started by joeydog on 3/29/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,22473,0.htm Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ This will be my last post to this message board as I'd like to thank everyone who regularly comes back to help other. Perhaps in a few weeks I will be able to do so but right now the pain and loss I feel is excruciating.Two weeks ago yesterday, Joey started losing control of his hind legs. He'd walk , then wobble and fall over. I had read so many other posts from others that took this as a sign that it was time for their dog to go. When it happened, I cried at the possiblity. We took him to the vet and god blesso ur vet, he never even mentioned putting Joey down as an option. He suspected that Joey through a blood clot to his spine, blocking the arteries for him to walk. However he said it was possible that the clot could work itself out in 14 days. That gave us hope and motiviation. Joey didn't let it stop him. He would still drag himself using his front legs to the kitchen everytime I went to cook him his breakfast or lunch. I would carry him up and down the stairs and we'd take him out to do his business using a rear hind leash we found at Petsmart. For a week, this routine seemed to work out. We put our order to K-9 carts.com for a doggie wheelchair to see if it would help Joey get around the house at least since he seemed so eager to move around still. Unfortunately it takes 6 days to custom build.Then came the 2nd week. Joey also started to develop respiratory problems. He would wake in the middle of the night panting with deep rapid breaths and we'd have to try to comfort him back to sleep. In addition to this, he became incontinent so we moved camp to our living room since it was on the 2nd floor. So for 6 nights, we stayed up taking shifts comforting Joey back to sleep and changing diapers every other hour. We work at the same company so we were able to work from home to be with him in his new condition.By the time the 2nd Tuesday rolled around, we were exhausted with exhaustion and guilt. Exhaustion of sleeping 2 hours a night and guilt that maybe we were making Joey suffer. We spoke to the vet and he suggested that we increase Joey's painkillers. He really wanted us to wait out the 14 days to see if the clot would work itself out. We knew the chances were slim but there was always that hope. So we decided to wait until at least Wed to see how he did with the wheelchair. My husband drove 2 hours each way to pick it up so we wouldnt have to wait for shipping. We were so excited to strap Joey in and at first he was skeptical but the next thing we knew, there was Joey roaing the kitchen looking for food again. I hadn't seen him do that in 2 weeks and I'd never felt so much happiness . Something as simple as seeing him in the kitchen. Our hopes soared again.Then Thursday came. It took a turn for the worse. Joey's energy level decreased. We put him in his wheelchair and he just didn't seem to want to move. He would make a beeline for his bed so we'd take him out and let him rest. His breathing was becoming more fast paced on and off. Our fears settled in. We couldnt deny it anymore. We had come to the end of our plan which was to wait the 14 days, and see if the wheelchair would work. But it was obvious our baby was tired.  I spoke to my vet that evening and we agreed there was nothing more we could do for him and we didn't want to see him suffer anymore. The vet asked "Is he still eating?" I don't know if it's a beagle trait or a Joey trait but if it was one thing through this ordeal, he LOVED to eat still. I guess in a way I clung onto taht and told myself Hey as long as he's eating...But then we realized. Joey will always love to eat. Here he was Friday morning. He couldn't even sit up , something was hurting when we tried to sit him up. He would go in and out of his shallow breaths. He couldn't go to the bathroom on his own. My husband had to express him to defecate. He was just laid out with his mom and dad laying next to him feeding him water from a spoon bc he coulnd't lift his head. I could see it in his eyes. He was tired. But when I went to the ktichen, his eyes still perked up. That last day with Joey, we gave him a big mac, some quarter pounder w cheese, french fries, pastries, all the goodies and carbs he hadn't had.At 4:45 came the call from the vet. It was time. I won't go into detail other than to say that was the most horrible experience of my life. I had read so many posts about others expreience and they all say the same. But nothing prepares you for that. I miss him so much. My body hurts , my heart aches, I feel so empty. He was my companion and best friend for 15 years. This year would have been 16. I'm 33 so that is half of my life. I don't know how to live without him. I woke up this morning at the exact same time I had since his diagnosis to give him his meds and cook for him. We had a ritual. Now it's gone. He's gone. I would give anything to touch his soft fur, rub his little paws and smell his stinky breath again. Im so sad, and the pain is so excruciating. I know there's nothing to heal it but time. But for now, I don't know how to cope with this loss. It is so enormous. He was the best friend ever and I will always always miss him. Thanks for everyones support on this message board. It helped us alot and I wish you all the luck and bless everyone for fighting for your best friend. I love you Joey.Joey's Mom joeydog Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT My heartfelt sympathys for you with regard to joey, however hes always going to be with you if not in the physical form but definately in the spirit form.Last year my dog sooty who was only 9 passed away whilst I was away myself, hed been at the vets the weeks before and she couldn.t find anything wrong with him but said to bring him back if he got worse, sadly he died in my daughters arms the day I was due to come home.  I miss him so much, so I can appreciate your pain its like loosing one of your children, I can honestly say sooty was my best freind, we gave him a lovely burial and he is now interned in our back garden, 4 months later my husband was diagnosed with Brain Cancer now we are battling that, however \I know in my very deepest darkest moments when I cry alone, that my best mate sooty is around me and comforting me, god bless you.  Christyl Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Joey was so lucky to have someone who loved him so much.  I can hear it come thru in your post.  Take comfort in knowing you did everything you could to make his last days the best.  I appreciate you and all others who share their experiences.  It has been so helpful.  I know one day I will probably have to make that decision.  I also know that I can come here for help and support.  (((((HUGS)))) Muffie's Mom fairydiva Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT Joey's Mom,I am so so sorry for your loss. You have lost your best friend and I know it is devastating.  On top of that it was a very difficult time of it that your poor Joey had.  It is so clear that you were the most devoted Mom that could ever have been--you did everything that was possible for poor Joey.I hope that time will ease your pain and someday you'll look back on only the happy times you and Joey shared.  He sounds as if he was the best little dog and how lucky you both were to have had each other for as long as you did.Good luck and God bless you and I hope someday, when you are ready, you will give some other little dog a chance to be loved even half as well as Joey was by you!  I assure you, that dog would think it had found heaven here on earth.Marty  Gentleannie Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT I'm so sorry to hear about Joey.  He knew that you were there for him & did everything possible to help him.  He was a lucky dog to have so much love given to him.  I hope time will ease the pain of losing him.  I just feel so bad for you because the grief is so overwhelming.  God bless you.Joy & JJ JJsMom Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT You've heard it from so many others but it's still worth saying; we all know what you are going through. We sent Sam on to the bridge 2 days before my birthday because I felt that keeping him any longer would just be my selfishness. Needless to say turning 45 when my best dog had just died was torture. And I didn't feel he was at peace when he went, but later I'm sure he has visited me in my dreams because there have been several where he showed me how he was progressing from sick to whole and well again. (Everyone; write these visits down when you have them!) For a few weeks, one of the worst times of the day was 7pm, because that's when he always had his last meal of the day (he was fed 5 times a day while he was sick). Like Joey, Sam lived for food! There will always be something that suddenly catches you and tears at your heart as a reminder, but then you will think how blessed you were and how much you learned from your wonderful friend. We try to do our best for them, and they know it. Sams Mom Fri, 04 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT